Is it me? or them?

[coatpin]

My son told me I have a reputation for relationships breaking down.

I took as my eldest daughter causing trouble again ,so told my ex to have a whisper in her ear, ie it was her who was unfaithful not me, that caused her marriage to nearly break up.

So he goes mad, and storms off, saying hes going to going their in a mood, saying if i didnt eat my dinner he would go without me, all he wants is a quiet life. Then he goes to my son and going to have a go at him, for saying something. But I said dont because hes been ill. But that it was his daughter being nasty again.

now my son says, that he never said it was my daughter who said it, and that it was typical of me to cause a fuss. And that is what he means.

It had to come from her, because my other daughter, I lived with as well, her marriage fell because her husband was kicking her in the tummy while pregnant and asked me to stay as she was scared of him and his outbursts.

Am I right be be upset. I sleptwalked last night that is how this upsets me, now I cant find my glasses.

am I supposed to shut my mouth about these things that are being said behind my back.?? Is it me, who causes this sycht, or am I going mad?? this hurts,,.

[Gambit62]

It is obvious that this incident has really upset you - and that is quite natural.

I'm not sure that it really matters who said what to whom - that is all the past. Sometimes it isn't important who is in the right and who is in the wrong when the thing that really matters is being able to live with other people, and that often means letting go rather than relentlessly pursuing the truth or an apology.

I know it's really difficult and you are really upset and you have every right to be upset but it was probably more to do with the way it was said and the fact that it was said at all. people do talk about us behind our backs but the best way of dealing with anything nasty is usually to show them they are wrong by the way we behave.

Hope you do manage to let go of the hurt.

[coatpin in reply to Gambit62]

I know what your saying, I really do. But the point I was trying to make was that syty stuff comes from her end. And we want it to stop. As what shes saying is untrue. and malicious

[Hidden in reply to coatpin]

And she got what she wanted: the attention and chaos of your upset and your partner being angry.

As hard as it sounds, next time you need to shrug and say "believe what you want, nothing I say will change your mind", then keep on with not reacting to her trying to wind you up. Eventually she will find someone else to bully, because you won't be reacting to her. Easily said, hard to do, but the only thing you can change here is how you react

[coatpin in reply to Hidden]

I spoke with her father last night, I told him to talk me down, it seems they are playing tactical games with me. Trying to get me riled up, but to sink the one who "really" said it. To get them into trouble. Its just a real kick in the teeth for all you tried to do, for them especially if they are saying all lies.

[gardengnome in reply to coatpin]

as you say it may be a case of the kids playing silly games on you. From your previous postings it does sound as if the kids have got a few issues of their own.

And if they are going to allow themselves to be angry that is their problem. The best you might be able to do is decide not to get angry in return..... Yes I know easier said than done, and families can have the power to upset most of all, but even though you can not control their emotions, you can to some extent steer yours' in the way you want to go, if that makes sense.

Do look after yourself, I hope you find a way of telling them how unacceptable their behaviour is without getting yourself more upset. Good luck.....

[coatpin in reply to gardengnome]

Thank you , I know your right, telling them how unacceptable their behaviour is is not a option while they think its all me. They have never accepted responsibility for their own behaviour. Thank you again, no wonder I want to live alone with no one . lol

[gardengnome in reply to coatpin]

I'm not saying they will accept responsibility, but if you can plainly, and positively blandly state your own position, then you will have said what you need to say.

How they take it is up to them. It is your self you need to look after right now esp if they are trying to play silly-buggers with you, they can try to make you feel bad, but you are the final arbiter of your own feelings, yes i know too fancy a word but you know what i mean