My wife is leaving me for another woman

[Louk84]

Hi. My wife and met 8 years ago, married for 4 years. Last year we bought our dream apartment together and planning our futures. We wanted to have kids also. Our relationship was great and was never boring. We have same passions in life. Last week we went to the beach for the day. We were holding hands and apreciate the sea view with a beer. All was well. We came back home has a glass of wine, we cooked and we had sex. The next day she just stopped talking to me. I felt like something was wrong as she did not kiss me as usual. So when i came back from work i ask her why are you so quite, what happens.she there is nothing. But still did not want to talk to be. Next morning i ask her again. What happen? She said i realise i do not want kids nor having a family. She looked so confused. I was shocked as well. I went to work and i wanted to speak to her when she comes back from work. She come in the flat. She sat down and says that there did not say everything she had to say this morning. Then she told me i have strong feeling for an ex work colleague with whom they went out for few drinks the previous week. She says when she left her at the pub, she was missing her. She says thats she does not know what is happening to her. She is very attracted to her. She told me she loves me and she is aware she threw our dreams under the bus but the feeling is much stronger. I was completely loss, i felt my world just crumble in front of me in less than 2 minutes. I feel powerless, sad and i feel disapointed. I do not know how to deal with this. I told her that we need a break for me to clear myself and for her to find out her sexuality and her feelings. She agrees. I am devastated, lonely and very very sad. She was my best friend as well. In my heart i want her to go and stay with the OW in the hope she will find out about her and about our marriage. I still hope that she will come back to me which i know it can sound stupid. But i love my wife very much. Any advise will be much appreciated.

[hypercat54]

Oh dear this must be devastating for you. You sound like a lovely caring man who only wants the best for your wife. All you can do at the moment is let her know she is welcome back and she can talk to you anytime.

The most important thing is to give her space to sort her own feeling out. I know you are very hurt and upset but resist the urge to keep contacting her and give her time. That is really all you can do at this stage. Try and keep busy so you haven't got much time to think. This might all resolve itself soon and hopefully she will return to you. x

[Louk84 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you. Thats exactly what i am doing. I need to be strong. Easy said but i do not show her any sign of weakness. When i am alone is let myself go sometimes.thanks for the tips.

[hypercat54 in reply to Louk84]

No you don't need to be so strong that she doesn't know how you are feeling. Don't put pressure on her that's all. She needs to know how much you love and miss her as that's a sign of strength not weakness. If she thinks you don't care she is less likely to return. x

[Louk84 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank ýou very much.

[hypercat54 in reply to Louk84]

I really hope things work out for you. x

[Louk84 in reply to hypercat54]

I will keep you posted. I will see hows things will work out. Thanks. You sound like a nice person. Thank you.

[ivesy]

I am facing something similar. On Friday my wife of 8 years told me that she has cheated on me and wants a divorce so she can move on with her life. I’m absolutely devastated and don’t know what to do! It’s the most scared and distraught I have ever been. I still lover her but it’s clear she has lost all feelings for me.

[Louk84 in reply to ivesy]

Its very painful i know. Needs to be strong. We just bought a house together and we are sleeping in different room. Its horrible. No one should endure this. Hopefully you will find peace and happiness. If you feel better to talk to me, do not hesitate to as i know exactly how u feel rignt now. You are not alone.

[ivesy in reply to Louk84]

We have a house together too but I’ve been staying somewhere else the last couple of days. Not sure what’s going to happen.

[Loki1018]

Understand that not has this been confusing and devastating for you but I’m sure she is also confused, scared, and devastated that this is all now happening to her.

She trusted you enough to be honest about everything and you must appreciate that not all women would of been.

All I can advise is let her know that once she has figured out what it is she wants to do that it is ok. Whether it is to be with you and your ok with that or to be with the other woman.

You also need support as well I would suggest go and see a therapists separately or together, feelings need to be processed and spoken about.

If you two decide to work things out also there can be NO RESENTMENT!!!! It will not work out if there is any and also can not throw this back at her face in the future it will only ruin things there too.

I wish you both the best of luck.