Cancer: My dad has been diagnosed with... - Mental Health Sup...

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My dad has been diagnosed with cancer a few months ago, it has gone from it being 'scraped away' and him being fine, to it being invasive and aggressive and him needing major surgery to remove his bladder as no other treatment is suitable after chemo. My dad is my absolute best friend, he's the one person I can count on. It's started to really hit home just how bad it is, and seeing him so terrified and scared makes things even harder. There's talk of death which I know no-one would cope with, we've had nothing but bad luck and bad news, I just wish I could take it all away from him. I've had absolutely no-one there for me, my 'friends' don't check up on me, they may say they're 'worried' the odd time but do nothing to make sure I'm ok. Recently I've been going down hill, with all the issues with my ex, cancelling my wedding, now this and everything in between, I'm just finding it really hard to deal with. I'm the strong one in the family, I'm the one everyone comes to, I keep everything together. All my family is in counselling, I don't want to be just another person needing help, I've always managed on my own and I will continue to do so, I just needed to say it out loud that I'm really bloody struggling with all this and I'm absolutely petrified and heartbroken watching my dad going through all of this and being able to do absolutely nothing to help him.

3 Replies

Hello Pet

Sorry regards your Father Cancer of the Bladder can be very problematic and it can lead to the Organ been removed and a bag to attached to collect the Urine,

My Father had the same problem and He lived without the Bladder for over four years. Eventually He died and it was not the problem above that took Him, it was a blood clot in the lung that moved to the heart and He died aged eighty 85 old. He also had a Dementia and that was something else we thought would have taken Him over. Not the case.

Sad to say all I can suggest is be strong, could you ask His GP if they can arrange some home visits to arrange the changing of the bag, they can help arrange some respite for those who look after your Dad. They can take your Father into a Nursing home to give time for people to have time away from such an intense period in your Father life.

Is your Mother and other family members having CBT because of their Father and His Illness or is the interventions something unrelated ?

You mention that your Boyfriend has cancelled your Wedding, is this because of your Father and His Cancer or is it to do with some other problem. ?

Sometimes at this time a wedding can be beneficial especially if your Dad would like to see you settle before His end. I do not understand the dynamic of your family relationships or how your boyfriend relates to your Father.

You are all going through a rough time and sometimes some talking therapy can help

There are sites on Healthunlocked you could try, also McMillen Cancer Charity can give you support, they have a Website that will be able to help you at this difficult time.

If you need to vent we are here and will try and help,


Hi, thank you for replying. He currently has the choice between 2 operations, either re-construction of the bladder so he doesn’t need the bag, or the urostomy bag, both coming with several risks. He isn’t old enough for nursing homes, we will manage with whatever follows, it just pains me to see him so desperate for an answer in which operation to choose, as he knows both will change his life so much. My family are both reviewing counselling, I choose not to speak to anyone, I was put in counselling when I was young and it was a bad experience, I don’t speak to anyone as I feel violated and vulnerable the second I open my mouth, I find it hard to get my words out but least on here no one knows who I am. The second I open my mouth in person I just want to take it all back.

I cancelled my wedding at the beginning of the year because my ex and I broke up, it was a horrible break up, we’re back seeing each other but it still isn’t working and I’m so miserable, but I can’t be without him (see previous posts). It’s just a really difficult time and I feel I have very little support.

Thank you for your message and well wishes, much appreciated.

If you need to talk I am generally around in the evening.

I personally can find nothing wrong with you here, people can be so very cruel sometimes

You keep a hold


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