Recently, my friend got mad at me for flaking and such (which I constantly do so I understand his anger) and he pointed out how I was a bad friend. He told me I acted different from how "normal" people acted, and that was when it hit me that maybe something was wrong with me. I've noticed it before, and I thought the problem was perhaps my insecurities so I worked hard to love myself (I worked at it for like a week haha..) but of course, I stayed the same. I feel distant from others, and it's hard to form close relationships because I never text them first or try to keep a conversation up. I blamed this on me being an introvert, but it's like this with my best friends too. I do often try to text them and ask how they're doing, but the conversation dies out quick as I have nothing else to say when they ask me about how my life is going. I have a hard time opening up because of my constant fear of how the listener will respond and if it would make it awkward for them. I also sometimes start hating my friends, like really despising them. . .even the close ones, typically because of jealousy or how they treated me. But of course, after awhile, I'd think, "How could I think such a thing?" Whenever I do or say something bad to them (it is sometimes intentionally when I'm annoyed), I either don't feel anything at all or I'd feel a wave of guilt / sadness and cry my eyes out before feeling empty again. Perhaps I lack empathy? I don't know. Whatever it is, I just want to fix myself and be a better person so if anyone can help me, I'd really appreciate it.