What's wrong with me?

[loosefat]

Recently, my friend got mad at me for flaking and such (which I constantly do so I understand his anger) and he pointed out how I was a bad friend. He told me I acted different from how "normal" people acted, and that was when it hit me that maybe something was wrong with me. I've noticed it before, and I thought the problem was perhaps my insecurities so I worked hard to love myself (I worked at it for like a week haha..) but of course, I stayed the same. I feel distant from others, and it's hard to form close relationships because I never text them first or try to keep a conversation up. I blamed this on me being an introvert, but it's like this with my best friends too. I do often try to text them and ask how they're doing, but the conversation dies out quick as I have nothing else to say when they ask me about how my life is going. I have a hard time opening up because of my constant fear of how the listener will respond and if it would make it awkward for them. I also sometimes start hating my friends, like really despising them. . .even the close ones, typically because of jealousy or how they treated me. But of course, after awhile, I'd think, "How could I think such a thing?" Whenever I do or say something bad to them (it is sometimes intentionally when I'm annoyed), I either don't feel anything at all or I'd feel a wave of guilt / sadness and cry my eyes out before feeling empty again. Perhaps I lack empathy? I don't know. Whatever it is, I just want to fix myself and be a better person so if anyone can help me, I'd really appreciate it.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello and welcome loosefat, this is a very caring and supportive community and it is good that you have joined us.

It is an interesting first post with us and I am sure that other members will soon post to you. Are there any members that can post please?

Have a look around at the 'Pinned posts and the interesting Topics' section when you can.

Best wishes ,

MAS Nurse.

[loosefat in reply to MAS_Nurse]

thank you so much for welcoming me! it does seem like a very kind community and i'll take a look at the pinned posts and interesting topics, thanks!

[Hidden]

welcome to this site. I do not feel you are doing yourself justice using your site name, you need to show yourself much more respect. Many sufferers here seem to do the same thing as you and pull themselves down to a level that many so called friends will try and push you. Be more positive in your outlook to life, you may be different to those around you although those differences may be showing themselves up with a shallowness that you seemed to have moved away from in being yourself.

Most people these days take part in small talk, I feel all of that is a waste of time. We ask how people are and if they have been anywhere etc, that is normal. Consider you are now better or worse than some around you. You need to protect yourself from lairs and those who tittle tattle or have a forked tongue. You need to raise your head and smell the flowers and move on to people who are more wise and understanding

BOB

[loosefat in reply to Hidden]

thank you for welcoming me and replying! and you're right, i was in a bad mood when i made my profile so i came up with a deprecating name. i'm not sure if i can change it?

i will try to take life in more positive light as i've heard many times that it affects your relationship with others. i've already told the friend who said i wasn't normal that if he didn't like how i acted, he didn't have to talk to me anymore so hopefully things will be better from now on.

[fauxartist]

it is possible you do lack empathy, it does not mean your a bad person....but it's hard to have relationships with people when you have no real ability to make sincere connections with them...also despising or hating them when they are supposed to be your friends because you are jealous of them also is kinda of putting off to some, most people I would say would not like it. You can't always take back what you say, and in some cases you don't care what you have said....and that can leave someone to think twice about wanting to be friends with you. Always flaking out on a friend is rude, and not texting just tells them that they are not important enough for you to give them the courtesy of telling them your not going to make it. I'd say yeah....you may want to get some help with your people skills if you want to keep the friends you do have.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I had a friend just like that, wouldn't reply to texts etc etc and now I don't even bother with him.

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

I think sometimes with some people, they may not be in touch with their disease, they may just get too wrapped up in their own stuff, and may simply not know how to connect with people in a healthy way. It's important to learn to treat others with the same courtesy you would want to be treated with. And then there are some who just are not in touch with these things, or care about them. That may be something they have to learn, or try to wing it, just to be able to interact socially to get through life.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Some people think that everything should revolve around them. Everyone should make the effort fir them too. But if it's one way traffic I don't make the effort anymore.

[Angel533 in reply to Hidden]

Some people also can't cope with the world so they cut themselves off from everyone,it's not about the world revolving around us it's about surviving what we are going through,it may not be the best way but it helps.

[Hidden in reply to Angel533]

True! Its different for everyone really.

[loosefat in reply to fauxartist]

yeah you're right. i've been replying to my texts a lot more this past month (although it sometimes will take me a full day to get to it) in order to improve. thank you for replying, i will try harder to be more involved with my friends and work on how i get jealous at times!

[fauxartist in reply to loosefat]

that's really good for you to try and be a better friend....it's good for you as well to have friends.....and you may want to try and think what it is that your jealous about....that's kind of a bad place to be in your head...why would you need to feel that way about a friend.....what is it about your life that makes you feel this way sometimes....

[loosefat in reply to fauxartist]

i think it may be because i see how my friends interact with others, and how they are able to get close to them while i can't. that's mostly where my jealousy is born from. i often brush it off because it's a really disgusting feeling.

[Plummy93 in reply to loosefat]

I get jealous of my friends too. Especially if they’re really good at making new friends. Because I’m not! So I start to wonder why I can’t make friends, and how it’s not fair.. And even though I know it’s my anxiety talking it’s hard to ignore sometimes..

[loosefat in reply to Plummy93]

yes, it’s a constant struggle! i always analyze their interactions with others—what is it that they do to become close friends with others? and when you try to ignore the jealousy, it’s always somewhere in the back of your head, waiting to be thought of again

[fauxartist]

I think that some of us just may have some barriers to over come that others just don't seem to have. For myself....I had a hard time because of how I grew up....I didn't have very much trust in people....so I always had my guard up and kept a safe emotional distance from people....I usually had acquaintances more than real friends.....but after some years of therapy and learning that I'm okay with who I am....and that things said and done to me as a kid were not my fault.....I learned to be okay with who I was and trusted myself with opening up to people a bit more. But there too is the issue of a good balance in friendships....we give what we get....share and share alike. We are all different and one shoe does not fit all. I felt I needed professional help to learn some people skills, it helped me a lot.

[loosefat in reply to fauxartist]

i would consider professional help, but as of now, i don't want to worry my parents as they've got a lot on their hands already. i really appreciate that you provided a bit of your personal life as it feels better to know that although the situations are not exactly the same, i'm still not alone in this. i am keeping a safe emotional distance from my friends because of fear of damaging my relationship with them, but it seems like it's doing more harm than good. i'll try to get out of my comfort zone and open up to others when there's a chance and of course improve on being a better friend

[fauxartist]

It is a real conundrum sometimes with you think you’re doing the right thing for the right reasons and it ends up having the opposite effect...I understand and respect your concern for your parents well being, But I don't think going to counselling would worry your parents if you explained to them that your just having issues socially and that it's part of your growing up and getting in touch with who you are...

And if there is a way for you to reach out to any group of your peers that may be of help to you, like some kind of art therapy, or something else that you’re interested in...Photography etc.....sometimes that can help with social skills.

[loosefat in reply to fauxartist]

ive searched up about art therapy and it sounds really fun. the thing is i don’t really like to express my feelings so i’d rather not tell my parents, i don’t want them to think that anything is wrong with me. i feel like they’d automatically assume that i am depressed or something if i ask for counseling or therapy. these past few days i’ve been replying to my friends more often and going out with them so i think i’m getting back up alright alone, but thank you for the suggestions

[Tired300]

Hi there, glad you've managed to get all these troubles/anxieties down on paper, this is a massive start for you. Well done x

Sorry it's just gonna be a quick one, but my life sounds pretty similar, so you are not alone x

As for people pulling you up on your behaviour etc, you have conditions that a good friend should recognise and be sympathetic of.( I too have lost many people in life due to the same reasons)

Just remember that you are a good person, and thinks will get better x You have just made a new mate already x

PS the antidepressants give you that numb feeling, so your not alone x

[Angel533 in reply to Tired300]

I agree 100% 😊 sometimes you need to be on your own and lock the world out,I do it a lot and now I don't have any friends but I'm happy with that 😊 it means I get to be on my own,just me and my kids x

[loosefat in reply to Angel533]

haha you’re right about being on your own and locking the world out! it’s a lot less work if i’m honest

[Angel533 in reply to loosefat]

It really is 😂

[loosefat in reply to Tired300]

aw thank you so much <3 i’m glad that i’m not alone in this and it makes the whole situation a little better. i am trying my best to reach out to my friends because i know they are human too and my behavior hurts them. your words really helped me feel better, thank you.

[MsTree]

I believe he may be the someone who has an issue and not you. I've learned to watch for people who will manipulate you to get what they want. Leaving you to feel like the bad guy because you stayed true to how you felt instead of, how will he feel? It's not your responsibility to keep someone happy at the expense of your own well being. However many times you call off is your choice and no one has the right to confront you about it and call you names.