It's hard to write
I know of I don't write, then you can't know and help.
I'm severely depressed. Full of SHAME.
Lonley. Unwanted unloved
Bad night last night. Thoughts of wanting to die.
Lived in FL. Was living in a manufactured home that should have been listed as condemned. No running water, just dilapidated. Landlord was a slumlord.
Had no friends (still)
This past Aug I had to move out + he sold the property. Scambled to find a place for me and my dog. Found one a week later. Planned on moving in a week BUT, the next day I went to work I was Let Go.
I just about died.
Forced to come back home to my aging parents 86 & 87 (mother is abusive)
Been here 4 months now. Isolated myself from anything I DID have. I've seen my desires and my routine slowly dwindle..and I feel more confined to the bedroom. I enjoy it better when it's dark.
My mother yesterday told me I must leave and go back to FL. But I explained I would be homeless, in a car, with a dog
This pushed me over, could not sleep. Been crying and thinking if I could just end my life because at 56 I see no light at the end. I have lost my hope of ever living. I'm envious of every single other person. They have a job and a place to live..if only that was afforded to me.
What has made this extremely worse is the realization that I'm not wanted or loved..I can't describe the hole in my heart from that.
I wish I could stop breathing and pass away.
I don't know where to go or who to talk to. I have no money and I know I need medication..
If only this family of mine would believe that I'm not well..
They think I'm being lazy or worse, that I'm a bum. It hurts.