What do you do when you have no suppo... - Mental Health Sup...

Mental Health Support

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What do you do when you have no support & have to support a dying elderly person?

TaraRae profile image

My grown kids are done with me, they can't handle my mental illness nor me any longer. Sadly, they begged me and my elderly Mom to buy the home next to the one we jointly own. I struggle with suicide, hate myself, judge myself, fear life......I ALWAYS HAVE. I taught them not to live this way and pretended to have my"shit together for years". I'm chronically/terminally ill and they know this. I've been my Mom's companion/caretaker for 15 years, I've lived for her.

We tried to move next door to my child in April, my Son left the house next door in Feb. May my house flooded and And Mom and I have been in a hotel ever since. We are alone. My kids won't talk to me anymore, 2 days ago my Daughter actually attacked me, beat me up. They have a very violent Father and he is very happy to have them all dislike me. I know I need to sell my house, but my child putting her hands on me, raising my kids alone, no help from good old Dad then. Can't believe the humans I raised think so low of me? Their Dad put all 3 of us in harms way, beat both of my youngest 2 kids, was a terrible Dad!! Now they idolize him? He's dishonest, just not a good person. Hurts me my kids don't see anything good in me? My Mom needing more help than I can give? Taking care of a crippled, sick woman, 3 dying old cats, being homeless (we didn't even unpack after we moved) I've gone down 220 pounds to 112 in 5 months. I'm so confused, alone, just need some advice. I don't/can't do what I typically do. That's never worked and landed me on psych holds. I wanna get past this. I hope someone cares 🙏🤞

Thank you, Tara

14 Replies

I am so sorry to hear everything you are going through… this sounds like a very trying time. While I don’t know the answers… as someone taking care of their aging mother for over 20 years and who also suffers from mental illness, I just want you to know you are not alone ❤️

TaraRae profile image
TaraRae in reply to NoelDream

Thank you. No one prepares you for this. Idk if you have siblings? I do but they don't really do much, they live in other states.

NoelDream profile image
NoelDream in reply to TaraRae

I am an only child now.. I had one sibling who passed when I was 23… so I get it… it’s a lot.

You have to get carer, I think someone that can manage your mother and help you also

I'm old, in dying. Hard to get a career

Carer - is someone who looks after your eating, bathing and other services for you like cleaning

Hello TaraRae I am so sorry you are going through so much. So you are waiting for your second house to get dried out and go back in? Sounds like you need to make life more comfortable for you and your mom. That’s number 1 now. If your kids are negative and combative you got to get away from that for you and your moms sake. Too much really! Do what you can for yourself! Too much with your kids. That’s unaseptable them laying hands on you. Do what best for you and your Mom. God bless you!!

My heart breaks for you and your Mom. 😭

Indeed, people can be cruel and it's so difficult to accept.

No one deserves to be hurt & feel alone...in fact, we are never alone.

Contrary to what many may say, we have a wonderful FATHER who

invites us to communicate with Him, to put our burdens on him.

Just knowing that is comforting. He's the only one who can change

the misery we go thru. Millions have experienced His love & help in

their lives. Of course you need practical assistance now & my prayer

is for that to happen for you. Please update when you can.

GOD is our refuge and strength, in times of such distress. 📖

Agape 💓

Hello Tara

I have lost many relatives where I have had to be there for them. Generally I always found the best way was to divert their thoughts by music and talking about past memories, including past generations they remember and the activities they can remember, possibly years back

In the UK you can discuss their needs with the Doctor and arrange Social Services to arrange a cleaner and helpers who would look after them possibly two visits, Morning to get them washed and fed. Then to call back in evening to go to bed. Sometimes recommendations are made for the person to go into a Nursing Home with various interventions when required to Aged Person Ward in Hospital, The problem of course at this time is Covid, and if not had the injections that should be arranged.

I found looking into their home Ward etc was a privilage to be with them and I found talking to them was a wonderful thing learning more about my family members and ancestors.

BOB

Hi TaraRae,So sorry to hear this. I hope you see light at the end of all of this. I have a verse for you

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Life is tough. But this experience creates perseverance in us. Just hold on to the promises of Jesus. We may have a hard life in this world but HE promises a rest in HIM. Its a different kind of rest and I can attest to it. I've experience the Lord and HE is real and a personal GOD

Matthew 11:28-30 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Keep on praying and don't lose HOPE. God will make a way when there's seems to be no way

-Dale

Thank you all for your advice and help. As my home was wrecked by a contractor that knows nothing about 100 year old homes I am going to sell this disaster. I've decided to give my Mom a better life and am trying to find the strength to move us back to her home. She is rapidly declining and I feel these are her "last good months/years"???😕 My Mother disclosed that she wants to die in her old trailer home therefore, I am going to help her live and die in her home. Although this is sure depression and isolation for me (lived with her there for almost 15 years) I'm going to try to look at this move differently. I am going to consciously know that this sacrifice on my part equals all the love and sacrifices my Mom has made for me. I feel God telling me to do this, my therapist (haven't heard from her in 5 months😳) called me today sensing I was in need of help 🤔 Maybe God is trying to guide me back to where my Mom belongs??? Idk? Idk why is taken 5 contractors to not fix my house, idk why my kids have abandoned me, idk a lot! I just know I need to take care of my Mother. Maybe a time will come when I can live my life? I just don't think now is my time. TY for helping me. 💜

Think this is fine be my last day on this Earth. Evil wins. Loneliness wins. Fear wins

NoelDream profile image
NoelDream in reply to TaraRae

I disagree, love always wins. It can be hard to love and grow when we are hurting, but you can get through this.

NoelDream profile image
NoelDream in reply to TaraRae

Fear and loneliness are terrible, just talk about it if you can. You can share here. Sometimes talking about those inner Demons can help us gain perspective. Sending strength, support and peace.

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