Aye, anyone and everyone. So I've never been one that enjoys social interactions, and as a person with Asperger's Syndrome and horrible social anxiety it makes it even more difficult to communicate. The thought of eye contact, alone, is nerve-wracking. I'm blessed to have my best friend and my significant other, but I've been told that I need to make more friends with people to try and better my mental health, as well as, preparing myself to get a job and interact with total strangers. I'm extremely anxious about this and have no idea what I should do, how to say the first words to anyone (I never use my cellphone to call anyone and I always text the same two people).
I have a FaceBook that is full of people, though I rarely ever speak to anyone unless said person has spoken first. I feel ashamed and down right rude that I can't bring myself to message somebody first, not even to see how he/she is doing. It makes me feel self-centered and narcissistic, like I'm too good to talk to anyone when it's the complete opposite. It's all fear taking over my mind. Fear of talking and not knowing what to say or how to say it, fear of eye contact, fear of making myself sound like a fool or weirdo, fear of rejection, etc. The list just goes on. Again, I'm unsure of what to do or how to go about making and maintaining friends. I'm hoping that I'll come across some like-minded individuals on this site and since everyone seem to nice and helpful, maybe this attempt will work out. I've found it a lot easier to talk to people on here, although the only thing I have really done is give some sound advice and thank those who have given me the same. I guess it's a start, aye? Anyway, I hope to talk to someone eventually. Hope you all have a good rest of your day or a good night.
Peace.
~Lorraine
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EnigmaticMindOfLirio
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Hello Enigmatic one, You are quite welcome to practice on us . It should be fun to get to know you. You are very well written, if you are as well spoken you may intimidate people . I don't suggest you lower your standards though. When I was younger I was so shy the most I could do was look at the floor and nod or shake my head. Some thought I was slow . When I was older they thought I was a snob. Now I just think piss on them I'll say and do what I think is right. When you are speaking to others they are mostly thing of themselves, trying to impress you. As for eye contact look at their nose or brows, it should be close enough, and you can study how large the nose is and wonder how much they stick it where it doesn't belong. You can't be stressed when you're trying not to laugh. Talk to me. Pam
I'm unsure of what you mean by not lowering my standards, and I would hope that I don't come off as cross or intimidating to other people. Lol. I have an annoyed facial expression most of the time, which I do not notice and also doesn't help the situation. As for the lack of eye contact, I already focus on the nose, eyebrows or hair if and when I'm not looking down at the ground. I try to maintain focus on a part of the persons face so that they aren't offended by thinking that I'm not listening.
Now that you have adopted the "eff it" mindset when it comes to how other people read you in a negative way - how has your life improved?
Hope to hear from you again, Pam. And thanks again.
I meant not to change to please others, being true to who you are. I've been such a people pleaser most of my life. It's taken years to realize it and more years to work on it. It is so freeing to be able to speak up or to say no, and maybe the occasional F you. I do get carried away at times, but you know once the horse is out of the barn.... I do try to be cautious with people who are fragile, however you get a sense of those who might need a bit of a wake up. Pam
Thank you for explaining that to me, I appreciate it. I don't always put two and two together. However, I am stuck in my 'people pleaser' phase. I have a mother who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (who is also disabled, and I take care of her) so when it comes to saying no to her or anyone, I find it extremely difficult to accomplish because I fear the backlash she has given me throughout the years. I'm working with my Therapist on trying to set boundaries, though it takes time and a lot of effort. I wish I could just stop being afraid to do it.
I'm sorry you had to endure that from your mom, every child deserves loving parents in a stable environment. I'm glad you made it out and are still here with us.
I feel the same I do not have much to say anymore, i have been told I'm stand offish but I think I'm guarded and depressed and I feel that I'm worthless and kicked aside. My boyfriend is distant acting towards me....seems as though I do not even get along with men in general. I am very lonely and tired of people, I'm closer with animals.
Has your boyfriend said these things to you, or have friends/acquaintances?
Why do you think he is acting distant towards you?
Has your boyfriend tried to help you through your depression at all?
I think I am guarded, as well. I have to protect myself somehow even though I try not to be rude to other people. And I too, feel worthless and kicked aside a lot of the time. I'm paranoid when it comes to relationships after being used, lied to, gaslighted and cheated on in the past. It just adds to the stress and makes me feel like giving up on relationships for good, but I still try to love, deeply. It is most difficult. I am closer with animals, as well, though I'm trying to make new connections with like-minded people; Those who understand that this isn't in any way an easy task to go about. If you ever feel as though you would like to talk, or vent your frustrations, I am here to listen and help in any way if I can. I hope things get better for you and that you find the right people to fit in your circle of trust.
Thank you Lorraine.....no he does not help me through depression he just wants me to work which I do with horses part time but that does not count with him. I am a massage therapist also but I struggle with keeping the jobs. He recently took the good car from me which is his car and left me with the older car which almost has 200,000 miles on it....I just am tired of being treated like I have no feelings!
I'm so sorry. If he loves you he would help you through this, not put more pressure on you to work... How long have you been together for? Personally, I think you should express your feelings to him, well, if you haven't already. If he treats you as if you're just a board to be walked on and as if you have no feelings...then he doesn't deserve you, but that's just how I feel about it.
We are here to support you through your depression. Like I said, if you ever need to talk or vent I am here and so are the others.
You are very cool to say it like it is,you get my respect good on you I'm Phil,I have a significant other half and we both have cabin fever,so I'm up for a chat too if you choose,your in good company here,speak soon.
Hi, whats made us so isolated, well, my wife is recently afforded the news that she beat breast cancer, I'm over the moon for her, she however...on the same week she got her good news I got a diagnosis and its just gone down hill from there, I have chronic Porphyria an extremely rare disease that my mother died from after many years of medical history being made and re made she passed.
This disease is normaly found in women but men get it too generaly they are the carriers, long after she left us all behind,against all known medical odds,I find out Not only have I got it but the worse type,it now affects every member of my blood family.
They came up with a new way to test for it and wham...That's the crux of it,on top of liver disease I'm the first person with hep c to present with porphyria as well and the treatment will kill me if I have an attack during treatment,there is no cure and the last person with it had a liver transplant,
I have come to terms with it, it answers all the questions I have ever had about my health, at ^ feet 4 inches tall and with big bones, no fat, I have had 52 years with above average health, my body has always been kept in peak condition, then this, my wife is a shell of her former self,we have to think hard as the last 6 years have been a nightmare, work, we both had full career positions, in the Health and Social care sector and I worked in one of the top 3 schools in England, (OFSTED) now we rely on benefits and after months with no money, a sabotaged go fund me account,statutory sick pay and the final nail was a failed PIPI scored 2 points got my rejection letter, even while under medical investigation and with 2 other disabling diagnosis, then got my latest diagnosis.
I hope that fills the gaps, its been a struggle, I can not tell you too many times that there are folks out there who like you and me have our issues but will correspond with you if you wish, if you can accept all the above then you got to be some kind of cool in my eyes.
I mean what I say, don't do this alone while folks like us more than willing to meet folks like yourself, some of the best friendships are born out of such things, it can only get easier to cope,
I'm down in Hertfordshire, originally from sunny western Australia, where you from, Hope you don't mind me asking. I have a huge day tomorrow with the hospital but will be back on here in the evening so if I don't respond quickly that's the reason, I look forward to chatting with you, hope my answer wasn't too long, You are real and so am I. take care in the meantime.
Don't worry about typing too much, I would much rather you type out paragraphs than say a few words and be done with the conversation like most people do. I had to go look up Porphyria to get a better idea of what it is, and for someone being diagnosed with it, I can imagine that it was a lot to take in. I'm sorry for all that you're going through, though I am glad that they figured out what all was going on with your health. What caused the liver disease, if that's okay to ask?
Also, my condolences for your mother's passing and a congratulations to your wife for beating breast cancer. I'm glad to hear that your wife is still by your side, though I hope she finds herself again. Together you can get through anything, I know it's difficult and I can't imagine what it has been like because I'm not in either of your positions. And a sabotaged Go Fund Me account? What happened there? Again, if it's okay to ask.
Oh, I do wish to connect with people on here, besides it being easier to communicate with others on this site, I also believe that we can get through our problems together instead of being alone through it all. I have no problems accepting you as you are, it is what makes you your awesome self! I don't mind you asking, I'm from Flint, Michigan, USA. I hope your Doctors appointment(s) go(es) well! I shall talk with you again, whenever you have the time to respond.
Wow, I have a sister in law who lives in the U.S. She is in Idaho,
My latest doc appointment did go well, they say I can start my treatment now so I start on Thursday, it's 8 weeks on Hervoni.
My hepatoligist picked up my hep in a blood test,he says tattoos are my most likely explanation of how I got hep.
As for my go fund me account, it was suggested that I start one by a work colleague, I set it up and for the most part my workmates put funds in and a jealous relative got wind of it and told people there was nothing wrong with me,this person is a senior research nurse who should have known better,mention anything to do with money and she goes funny,as a result it died a quick death and we did not meet our objective of a break away from all things medical.the £500 we did raise held the Wolf from the door and paid some bills.
Now we are facing insolvency as We had 2 incomes prior to breast cancer,then down to one income till I got too sick to work,now we on the poverty line, I had to decide food or hospital last week got the same options this week.
Considering I have worked all my life I am shocked how quickly you can get in financial trouble once I'll health takes over.
My treatment is in excess of £50.000 I have been approved so can't complain.
I have always had really good health so to end up like a traincrash after so many good years is hard to take in.
Thanks for responding to me,anytime you feel like a chat please feel free,you have more than most to deal with and I will happily respond to you,hope your day is a good one,Thank-you again, Phil. Xx
All good here,started my meds today,fingers crossed,thanks for your kind words, I m fortunate enough to have all treatment covered,small miracles really, big steps for me,how I got this in the first place is more of a mystery,the tattoo thing was a fad that on reflection I can see was risky but then I also worked the doors of some pretty whacky bars as well and blood blood contact was frequent.either way, today is the start of the end for this demon, it's days are numbered. I do hope you are doing well,take it one day at a time and you will be o.k. Talk soon my brave warrior, onwards and upwards.xx
Keeps showing really old posts my end as well,feels like all the ones on here when I joined have vanished but I know everyone fighting their fight in different ways.xx
My apologies for the delayed reply, I've been quite busy.
I'm glad to hear that your doctors appointment went well, Phil!
Wow... I hope you didn't pick it up from dirty needles while getting your tattoos done... That's scary as hell. Mind if I ask what your tattoos are of? I'm a lover of body modifications and aspire to become a body piercer.
I'm sorry for all of the trouble you're facing. How can your relative be so cruel to do this to you and your wife - knowing that you need every bit of help you can get? I don't understand people like that. If you ever decide to make another GoFundMe account or any sort of online fundraiser, I'll gladly donate as much as I can to try and help. Do you have Universal Health Care over in the U.K.? I hope you do, (we don't in the U.S.) Is there any way for you to collect disability and/or a retirement pension for both you and your wife since you've always worked? I can imagine it's a hard pill to swallow. I grew up in poverty my entire life with my mom being a single mother, then her strokes and kidney failure caused her to lose her job. It was hard, and if my grandfather had not been there to help us along we would've been homeless and starved.
Thank you, Phil. I hope you've had a pleasant day, as well. I shall talk to you again soon!
Had a few piercings, nipples ears and a bull ring in my nose back in the day.tatts I started myself as a teen,since had many others done professionaly. Things we do hey.
I do hope you are doing well, it's sunny here for a change,going to venture out and burn some energy.take care,chat soon, Phil.
Wow, just re read your post,you are a real warrior,let's inspire others to take the bull by the horns and face what we have to face thru pure grit and determination, if you can manage your lot and still have time to engage with others then you the kind I need and I hope vice versa. Cheers, Phil.
Sounds rad, Phil. What do your tattoos depict, if you don't mind me asking of course?
Did you have to brawl back in the day when you worked at these bars? I hope it wasn't all bad. My mom used to work in the bars back in the day, as well as, mentioning a few horror stories. :/
Eh, I've been taking care of my mom since I was 14 (after she had her first stroke). It's been hell, honestly, but I seem to manage alright. Over the years it has gotten easier to deal with. Thank you for the warrior compliment. I appreciate it and same goes to you. I hope you've had a good few days since I last spoke with you, Phil. Keep on keepin' on!
I wish you luck. Count me as a new friend. I recently read a piece of journalism that it can take 90 hours interaction to make a friend. It was a good source and based on science but I would say I am a friend with a person as soon as we exchange more than a few words.
I welcome your friendship. As for CBT, yes, my Therapist is helping me with CBT and I'm going to start Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) my next session. I just got my book in the mail that I'll be going over with him, it also teaches Mindfulness.
Hi! I deal with social anxiety too & i completely relate to the eye contact thing, it’s like feeling like you’re staring to intensely or not enough & that results in anxious feelings. And I completely relate on feeling rude if you aren’t reaching out to ppl/friends! I often find myself never making an effort with friendships & that’s not bc i don’t like them, it’s just hard!! Anyways, i don’t have a specific suggestion on what to do, but I’m here suffering w social anxiety too and here to talk!
Ah, yes. Eye contact, for me, is a bit painful and it's as though I feel like I'm being judged or glared at all of the time which causes a lot of anxiety and distress. And yeah, it is really difficult keeping up with friends, checking on them and what not. In my mind I want to, I'll have full blown conversations in my head of what and how I would like to say things to said person, but never get passed the anxiety to actually send a message. Well, I can't say "never" because after a while I will check on my best friend, though I feel I should do it more often.
I'm here to talk, as well, if you like of course! Thank you for responding to my post. I greatly appreciate it. Hope you have a good night.
Cheers.
-Lorraine
Feel the same, but stay strong x
Hello Hun! It’s brilliant you’re reaching out! I’m happy to be your friend, a relative of mine has Asperger’s syndrome and struggles too so I know from experience how it affects people! Feel free to message x
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How can your relative be so cruel to do this to you and your wife - knowing that you need every bit of help you can get? I don't understand people like that. If you ever decide to make another GoFundMe account or any sort of online fundraiser, I'll gladly donate as much as I can to try and help. Do you have Universal Health Care over in the U.K.? I hope you do, (we don't in the U.S.) Is there any way for you to collect disability and/or a retirement pension for both you and your wife since you've always worked? I can imagine it's a hard pill to swallow. I grew up in poverty my entire life with my mom being a single mother, then her strokes and kidney failure caused her to lose her job. It was hard, and if my grandfather had not been there to help us along we would've been homeless and starved.
Help asking for help.
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