Alone and struggling

[Starlight_ftm]

Even with everything I feel and struggle with I’m always the one people go to for a kind shoulder to cry on. I just noticing more and more that when I say “I’m struggling” it quickly goes back to them and how they’re struggling. I don’t mind being there for others - I’m a Counsellor by trade so it is what I strive for - to make people smile again! Just feeling really alone in how I am because no one is taking the time to reach out and say “are you ok now? Anything want to talk about”. I struggle to talk about me so it’s disheartening giving the clues out there and being honest then not getting the support I feel I need.

[Stilltrying_]

Ah, I understand where you're coming from! You probably come across as strong and as you say you find it hard to talk about your feelings and easier to listen to others, so you will have made relationships with people who are the other way round; i.e they prefer in general to talk about their feelings and for you to listen! You say you're a counsellor by trade. An important thing in any relationship as you will know is boundaries. Really it isn't healthy to start one sided relationships because as you say when you decide that you need something those people by the very nature of the relationship you have set up with them are unable to reciprocate. I wonder if in general you feel more "in control" when listening so inadvertently set up these scenarios and then sort of wish you hadn't when eventually your own need for empathy from others resurfaces?

I know this reply is quite challenging but it is meant in the kindest of ways and to give you food for thought. I'm sort of making the assumption that as a counsellor this is something you will be able to deal with and find useful in your own growth.

Hugs, Gemmalouise XX

[Starlight_ftm in reply to Stilltrying_]

Wow what a perfect reply, gave me food for thought. Especially the part about feeling more in control as the listener because as the talker is vulnerable feeling and uncontrollable. Wow thanks for popping that reply here

[gilip]

Hi starlight, I understand sometimes it’s nice to be listened to. Maybe you have your counselors hat on!! As counselors we know the right questions to ask. But just for now tell us more of how you are feeling today x x

[Starlight_ftm]

Thanks so much for your replies; I appreciate it a lot. I’m actually going to stop seeing the counsellor I’m seeing because I don’t feel he able to hit the deep issues need to and because I’d put brave face on and easily avoid I need someone to challenge me. I am under the Perinatal mental health services so I will continue with them and save money. I actually feeling quite depressed; I’ve logged off Facebook and just having some time away. In doing that though it’s made me have quite dark thoughts so just going to look after self. Got midwife Monday and Mental Health nurse Tuesday so I will focus on that. Hope you’re all ok and thanks again