coercive control and male abuse

[Inaquandary]

Hi, I would appreciate some advice about a situation I have been involved in for nearly 30 years.

I have a male friend (65) who is married to a narcissistic witch (59). She controls his every move, they have been together 34 years and this has got worse and worse.

He is now classed as a vulnerable adult as can hardly walk. He has the symptoms of a TIA/stroke but has not been allowed treatment for it. He has 2 daughters from a previous marriage now in their 30s whom he hasn't seen in 12 years. They are worried sick. He managed to 'escape ' last Wednesday but went back for forgotten essentials yesterday morning. She physically dragged him inside and wouldn't let him out. There is far more to that story, including 3 police officers and an ambulance. He has old bruises on his arms.

He is brainwashed, controlled and browbeaten. He's 65 and used to be a fit tall healthy guy. He now looks like an 80 plus year old, can't think straight, is very confused. What can we do??

Please help us, these girls are so worried about their dad, I am desperate to help my friend.

[Hidden]

Best to contact Social Worker and they will help with everything. Speak to local council for him. Just explain to them and they have rights to see him under all circumstances and will have police backing.

[ellamental]

I don't really know what the answers are. It must be a massive worry. I know someone who said 'I don't really know what she wants me to think' about his ex wife. He was not hurt physically like your friend is. It was a mind game. Your friend is going through the manipulation and mind stuff as well as Domestic Abuse/Violence. Perhaps if he can read about DV and understand that he is being brainwashed he will be able to find the strength to leave for good... with support.

[Inaquandary in reply to ellamental]

We tried that - I educated him regarding narcissism etc, I have now got adult safeguarding involved, they have been very supportive. I know I have done absolutely everything I can now, so I feel a bit more at peace. Still worried though x

[ellamental]

Well done getting them involved. You might just have saved his life. It is too short to be dominated by another person when he could be happy. I am glad you feel a bit more at peace. It is hard to watch people you care about suffer in such a way. x

[UglyDuckling546]

I think getting Adult safeguarding involved was the right call, I hope your friend is ok and that he manages to leave and be happy