Will it ever get easier?

[Coryn]

I have tried everything i can since 11 years old (I am now 20) Diets, exercise, yoga, meditation, medication, counselling, psychology, CBT, oils, Acupuncture, Hypnotherapy, breathing exercises, cutting off toxic people...

Im never happy... Im engaged, have a beautiful 6 month old baby boy that was conceived through sexual pressure (my depression has been worse since before i was pregnant).

It died a bit while pregnant as I had stuff I had to do but now I just lack energy a few weeks ago i went 2 weeks without washing, Iv chopped my hair off so i don't have to upkeep and brush, I went 2 weeks without brusing teeth...

I stay in bed practically all day... My fiance quit work to help with my son as his family do not understand my mental health...

I miss my toned body I was always active even when depressed... i always cared about hygiene... My whole self has flown even before pregnancy...

I feel isolated iv tried mum and baby groupss... I want to do so much but I have no motivation.

I can't spend more then 6 hours with my son or i start to resent him, I just want to be myself again.. and I don't understand why its so hard for me to achieve this?

I know people say "you've just had a baby it takes a while for bodies to bounce back" or "oh its post partum depression" but iv been ruled out by 3 Psychologists for PPD and Iv always been a size 9-10 in womens clothes and now Im 12-14 and weigh 11 stone (used to be 8stone before pregnancy went up to 8stone3 during and gained weight after from baby blues)

I just cant be bothered with anything even talking to my fiance is draining and I LOVE him, I just want it to get better... I want to exercise, I want to dance, I want to go out with friends but I can't...

When will i be normal... someone tell me it gets easier...

[sweetiepye]

Dear Coryn, It's not what you want to hear but I think you need to be checked out one more time, maybe by a specialist . If you have been unhappy since the age of 11 then having the baby wouldn't be the cause, on the other hand your hormone levels are probably all over the place. So you really do need to know if there is a physical reason behind this. Medication might be helpful, but you need a diagnosis.

I don't understand what you mean you got pregnant by sexual pressure? Were you pressured to have sex and got pregnant as a result? If this is the case you are probably angry about it and about having a baby before you were ready.Your behavior appears to be an effort to gain control and your BF seems to be the one in control. Remember this is only my opinion and I have no medical education. I have been through a similar situation .

Regardless of the reasons you are going to have to help yourself and your baby. If you do nothing else keep him clean and fed and yourself clean and fed. Spend the rest of your time bonding with your son. You are his whole world right now . Take a bath or shower with him, make sure someone is there to hand the baby to you etc. The more your relationship with him develops the more motivation you will have. I'm sure you can do this , just not all at once. You didn't mention your Mum is she in the picture? Keep in touch and congratulations mummy. Pam

[Coryn in reply to sweetiepye]

yes I was pressured into sex and my son was a result I love him though wouldn't trade him for all the money in the world. Helps that hes a spitting image of me aha

My son is more well kept then I and my partner No matter what i bath and feed him x

My mum is in my life but id rather not i wouldnt trust her with my son due to personal history x

Ill call my psychologist again and see but theyre positive i have a type of personality disorder but i do everything for my babe aha

[sweetiepye in reply to Coryn]

I hope I wasn't to critical. Sometimes it's hard to figure out just what's going on. If you have any more direct questions I'll give it a go. You know I have 3 grown kids but I remember the weight issue. One time it was hormones and the other two times as soon as the weather got nice we walked. Well the baby was pushed. You will get back to your normal weight, but it's pretty hard to accept that just had a baby body. Give yourself some more time. Hugs to you and BabyPam

[Hidden in reply to Coryn]

Depression is often common with personality disorders. Just because of that diagnosis doesn't mean you can't be treated for depression. Why not make an appointment with your GP. They may offer you anti depressants and CBT from talking therapies just to get you through this period.xx

[WhiteAlice]

Coryn, don't forget thath having a baby can mess with you emotionally, too. It can exacerbate an existing condition. Post partum depression is very real & serious. Just the change in daily routine can that motherhood brings can be very stressful. Don't hesitate to see your doctor or therapist. I hope you feel better soon.

[Coryn in reply to WhiteAlice]

I have been ruled out for PPD, They think i have BPD as I show a lot of the similarities but my body and stuff is what makes me so sad...

[WhiteAlice in reply to Coryn]

See. It's mostly the situation, then aggravating your overall mental health. No. 1 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Treat yourself. Caring for an infant is draining. If you can't get help from friends or family, perhaps consider daycare, even if just once a week or so. Let yourself live! A happy mom will make fir a happy baby. Do discuss it all with your doctors. Meds may or may not help, but only your doc & you can decide that.