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Mental Health Support
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Im soo fed up i want to give up i have 4 children no house no savings debts to my eyeballs im on Birmingham City Council housing register having no luck currently living with my parents and brother my parents suffer from anxiety and depression and my dad is an alcoholic my brother suffers from paranoia schizophrenia (mental disorder) i have no life cant go out anywhete never been on holiday all my life or my children not even a weekend away im so stressed i have 3 boys 1 girl my daughter has signs of anxiety and depression my son has a kidney disorder for life he takes 25 capsules a day he plays me up as he wants to move out my parents house my elder son lives with his dad in Yorkshire as i dont have space to accommodate him I barley get to see him i so stuck i have tried so many service s i have contacted social services my local mp all sorts but no help please please some one help me before its to late

20 Replies

Hello Ummayyah1 and welcome to this supportive community.

It must be very difficult for you at the moment and we are listening to what you are saying and can sympathise. I think you have to put a full case to the Birmingham Housing Council and Social Services very strongly and keep at them, get as many people on your side as possible as it can't be a healthy environment for your children to grow up in. We don't know the living/sleeping arrangements in the home or the ages of the children so that also may have a bearing on the matter. I think councils still operate on the points system for rehoming. Do other members know more please? What about talking with the MP's again and the local counsellors, your GP, your Son's Consultant (is this situation damaging to your son's health?), social worker and the Citizens' Advice agencies (CAB) in your area. They do have access to Solicitors that give free advice and information, that also maybe helpful.

Members this is a plea for help -

Are there any members who can think of any thing else that she can try please?

I have put on the link to CAB offices so that you can find your nearest one and opening times. Good luck to you and please let us know how you get on.


MAS nurses.


Hi thank you for replying i have been to my gp i cried to him and told him i cant cope anymore my gp has put me on depression tablets i phoned social services they said that there is not much they can do for me as it is a housing issue even though i told them that my son I poorly i told my children s schools ive told my sons consultant i had an appointment today for my son to see someone at nephrology i got ready and my son refused to go he said whats the point even though he know ms how important it is for him to attend I explain to him but he refused its like im all alone im a British Pakistani girl born and bred in Birmingham i believe there is no hope for me to be rehoused or anything know i understand why people commit suicide they feel so alone and there no help out there i have let my children down I originally lived in Yorkshire fir 16 years with no family my husband used to beat me up all the time swear at me it took me 16 years to leave him now that I finally have its made things even worse for me sometimes i feel i should go back to him at least my children wil have a secure home i


I’ve just read your posts and seen that you are escaping domestic abuse. This is even more of a reason for them to assist you.

They may insist on a refuge but you don’t have to accept that particularly as you have found safe shelter. Having said that women’s aid are very very supportive and I would give them a call as well


They are very experienced in what the council should be doing for you and will have a huge amount of other advice that would be very beneficial.

The council CANNOT send you anywhere where you may be in fear of violence.

Plus the burden of proving violence is on them and not on you.

So if you cannot provide any confirmation then they either have to disprove your claims or accept that you are in fear of violence.

I would urge you explain everything including the abuse etc

Most importantly


Good luck xxxxx

You’ve done amazingly well to get away. Just keep going x


Please contact SHELTER about your situation.

If you are unable to live together as a family (ie your oldest son] you are deemed homeless.

You are also deemed homeless because your accommodation is unreasonable.

So you need to insist on making a homelessness application at Birmingham council.

. Do not take no for an answer

because they have a statutory duty to take one and then do the appropriate enquiries which has to result in giving you a decision in writing.

Social Housing is very difficult to secure Now, but councils are also using private rented landlords to hose homeless families.

It may mean that you have to accept bed and breakfast but they may try and negotiate with your family to shelter you until they have something

It would be worth biting the bullet in b& b to get housed...and you would be an expensive family to house in b&b so they will want to avoid it or keep it a minimum.

( this would be cheaper for them in the long run)

It may also make sense to start this process with an eviction notice from your parents. They may never evict you but the council don’t know that ( I an ex homelessness officer)

I know this will mean girding your loins and getting the energy from somewhere. You will also have a fight on your hands.

But if you hold your ground and repeatedly request to make homelessness application they have to take it.

Do not be redirected into talking about your waiting list application

Or scared into not making it because you may be “ intentionally” homeless

This all done deliberately to avoid taking your application.

Shelter are a homelessness charity and will support you further, but you may not need it 😘😘😘😘


Thank you so much for replying to my post i have tried that i told the council that my mum has given me notice to move out they advised me that i might have to go to in to temporary accommodation that could be out of Birmingham that would be a problem because my children are in their new schools mh daughter is 13 on Saturday she is so unhappy at school she goes crying to school my baby boy has who is 3 has just about settled in nursery that would be a very big problem also ive been told if im in temporary accommodation and the council did find me a property i would have to except even though its not in the areas i have chosen that could be miles away and i would have to except


Hi Birmingham city council have changed the whole system you can only contact them online everything is done on line if i have any changes i have to put a review that means i can not bid for a property for about 6-13 weeks once the change has logged on to there system then i can start bidding i call them all the time but have no luck me and my children have been sleeping on the lounge floor for over a year and the floor is laminated i will suffer as much as i can but why should my children suffer its not fair ive got no hope left what hope do they have


1. Contact shelter.


What they are doing is unlawful and it is called gatekeeping.

You need to go down to their offices and insist on making a homeless application and that you won’t move until you do.

(In the eyes of the law that’s is effectively an application anyway)

Do not get put off by threats of intentional homelessness or being sent out of the area...it may happen but as I said you will have to bite the bullet to move forward. The maximum lawful stay is 6 weeks and it is expensive for them.

Once you see and officer insist and keep insisting on a decision letter which again they have to give you by law once they have completed their enquiries....which will take a little time.

Can I ask why you are at your parents? Was domestic violence involved?

They can only lawfully put you in temporary accommodation for 6 weeks and should follow the guidelines below.

“Households in temporary accommodation

2.74 The provision of support to households placed in temporary accommodation is essential to ensure that they are able to continue to enjoy a reasonable quality of life and access the range of services they need. In formulating their homelessness strategies, housing authorities should consider what arrangements need to be in place to ensure that households placed in temporary accommodation, within their district or outside, are able to access relevant support services. In particular households will need to be able to access:

a. primarycareservicessuchashealthvisitorsandGPs; b. appropriateeducationservices;

c. relevant social services; and

d. employmentandtrainingservices.“

In terms of accepting a duty to you and then providing secure accommodation ( which includes a 12month lease in affordable private rented accommodation) below are the guidelines they should follow

“Personalised housing plans should be realistic, taking account of local housing markets and the availability of relevant support services, as well as the applicant’s individual needs and wishes. For example, a plan which limited the search for accommodation to a small geographic area where the applicant would like to live would be unlikely to be reasonable if there was little prospect of finding housing there that they could afford. The plan might instead enable the applicant to review accommodation prices in their preferred areas as well as extending their home search to more affordable areas and property types. In their interactions with applicants, housing authorities are encouraged to provide sufficient information and advice to encourage informed and realistic choices to be identified and agreed for inclusion in the plan.”


Yes i was in a marriage for 16 year where my husband used to beat me up because i only reported it once they havent included that im in band b for over crowding and medical


Foof although I am not the original poster I cannot thank you enough for the information you posted up about Shelter in Birmingham. I have a friend in this area in a desperate housing situation with a number of compounding issues and I have phoned Shelter this morning to see if there is any assistance can be offered and they were incredibly helpful. So just to say it isn't always just the original poster who gets the benefits of our replies. Sometimes information sharing can help others and I just want to say a massive thankyou to you.

I feel there is some light now in a very very bad situation my friend is in and she has already contacted them and they are helping. God bless you .XXX

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You’re very welcome.

Sadly these situations are happening everywhere because of the appalling housing situation

To be fair on all the Local authorities they have a statutary duty to meet set by govt, which then eradicates all the social housing, enables increasingly high rents and no security in the private sector and caps benefit support.

So they are struggling massively with having a duty but absolutely nothing to meet it with, them add in the huge cuts they have suffered in the last 5 years.

But that is not the problem for homeless people.

If you push hard enough the council will have to do something.

Until the councils are forced to meet their obligations which will effectively cause scenarios like Northampton running out of money.

Central Govt will do NOTHING.

So the more people that know their rights and insist on having them, the quicker central Govt will be forced to do something.

Sadly people in The mainstream do not know how bad this is and if they did, things would change.

Take care x

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Thank you for all your support it means the world to me xx

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Oh my goodness, you have so much to put up with. It is no wonder that you are stressed out of your mind. I can only reiterate what the other two contributors have posted. You need to keep on pushing for help from the social services and B'ham city council. It sounds like a very unhealthy environment you are living in. Do you have any contact with mental health services at all? They have a crisis team who deal with crises like these. I am sure your mental health is suffering so it may be worth going to your GP and trying to get a referral as soon as possible to the mental health services. I am not suggesting you are mentally ill as such just that the stress is driving you crazy. Sometimes the crisis team can be good on these occasions. I live in your area so I know that mental health services are very stressed in this area and it's difficult to get consistent help but they generally respond to a crisis and I believe you are at crisis point so please go to your doctor and stress this to him/her and try and get yourself a referral as soon as possible. Gemmalouise xxx


Hi thank you for replying i have been to see my gp i cried to him and told him everything the gp has put me on depression tablets and has wrote to Birmingham City Council they didnt do anything my daughter is now suffering fom anxity and depression ive literally tried everything


Oh dear, it can be hard; I think you are especially worried about your daughter as maybe you blame yourself, but unfortunately these things can run in families and it may be she has picked it up from the things going on around her, but the main thing to do is to support her and be there for her. That will mean the world to her. Don't give up on her as she needs you right now.Xx


I will never give up on my daughter i have tried to be supportive but its really hard as im always upset my self why isn’t there any help for me and my children i had a bad marriage for 16 years my children watched me get beaten up by theredad sworn at all sorts i managed to escape that and i find my self in a worse situation i wish i stayed and took all the abuse because it was me who was suffering but now my children are


I understand I still feel you did the right thing to leave because in the end you will come out stronger. You need to go back to your doctor, keep pressing the authorities until they listen to you. Try everything in this way. Just tell the doctor and the authorities that things are not ok that you need more help. Thinking of you and it's great that you keep going for your daughter; X Try get as much sleep as you can and keep trying to get that help each and every day. You did the right thing posting on here as that shows you want help and we offer what we can always. XX


Thank you im going to give shelter a call and try cab see if they can help me


I have contacted cab and shelter shelter did not have much to say but cab have given me some numbers which i called and i will be attending cab office on monday fingers crossed thank you to you all for showing me light i just wish there was more people like u guys who make a difference i cant thank you enough i geel alot better today i know i have a long road a head of me but its a start xx

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I'm glad you've had a little breakthrough today. I phoned shelter for a different person today and they were incredibly helpful and also gave me some other numbers to phone for the exact area my friend is in so I guess it may depend sometimes on who you speak to, but keep plugging away and you will get there. XXX


Hi Ummayyah1

I pray to God that you didnt do anything harmful against yourself up to now, it is a little late I know and I dont really know what to say to attract your attention to my words, perhaps it is better for to see if anyone: friend, family member, relatives, colleagues that can come forward and lift a little of this weight on your shoulders away, try to talk with someone, keep contacting social services in your city and do whatever is necessary to staying still, I am so sorry about your children problems but hopefully there can be some ways to help them, I wish you had somehow got the help you needed, stay strong and we all are beside you


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