feel like ending it all

[jaydaguzeller]

i just feel so down and depressed and feel like everything is my fault and that i should just end it all the man i loved and devoted my life to left me and i know i should be grateful for having the most buaitful toddler and being 37 weeks pregnant but i just want to finish my life and escape this pain and heartache im going through

[Anonymous54321]

I'm sorry you are going through this tough time. Your luck is going to change for the better. I will say a prayer.

[jaydaguzeller in reply to Anonymous54321]

thank you so much x

[Evelynarnold]

Oh love, I'm so sorry you feel so alone and lost! I wish I could say something profound? Your children need and love you. Please don't do anything to yourself. Things will get better, you just time to feel strong after the shock of your partner leaving. He doesn't deserve you and the kids. He will lose out in the end and you will gain so much more. I have to go to work but if you want to keep in touch send me a messages. I am a good listener. Xxxxxx

[jaydaguzeller in reply to Evelynarnold]

thank you so much would do when i figure out how this works as i am new to it

[Evelynarnold in reply to jaydaguzeller]

Hi There,I'm thinking of you and hope your ok. Love and hugs xxxx

[Upstream77]

Things will get better and I am not just saying to say it. Ive suffered from chronic depression all my life. I finally met my soulmate he was perfect then I had an accident I was on the brink of a breakdown then he goes away on a short vacay and comes back telling me he fell in love with someone else! I had a mental breakdown I wanted to die the pain was unbearable. I hated myself everything was my fault. But I got help and when I thought "thats it" life through me a bone. But life will get better and I know it feels like this unbearable pain like every time you breathe it burns but keep chugging along you are not alone. You will make it and it's not your fault it takes 2 to tango.

You know what I think you should do. Give yourself a weekend a few days to sulk, get it out but give yourself a time limit. Then when your time is up pull it together and tell your "ok thats it I need to chug along now" . And every so often do that give yourself the time limit to grieve and then when your done tell yourself "thats it Im done I have to move alone" I know it might sound silly but it helps. I cant imagine your pain you dont deserve this but you are not alone and you can do this sweety ok ?

xoxox

[loggerslot]

hi there,

be strong and realize there's hope. you have a kid and another coming along and you need to be strong for them as they will need you. if your man is not there then don't despair. you will have and are having 2 wonderful kids in your life who will amaze you with their whitty comments and jokes and use this to perk yourself up. In meantime having someone there to talk to will be good idea, maybe a friend or family member. if you have someone who can look after your toddler then i would advise you get some help with counselling. talking really does help.

Nothing is your fault. learn to get go of the issues that are plaguing you and you will be slowly be happier. if you are having trouble sleeping due to the stress then buy some lavender oil extract and put couple of drops on your pillow. this will help you sleep and relax, stick to drinking warm water only, and ask your doctor if there is any harm to the unborn baby if you take couple of drops of lemon juice in warm water, this will help regulate your sleeping patterns. xmas is around the corner and use that as an excuse to perk yourself up and enjoy shopping. i can understand your partner may not be there and won't feel the same or you won't want to and i only hope he see's sense and realizes he's missing out. maybe he's going through a tough time and doesn't know what to do? if he gets in touch then talk with each other about the other person will help you both understand one another and bond.

[jaydaguzeller in reply to loggerslot]

thank you for your comment i would try to bare it in mind and focus on christmas and would try the lavender as restless nights are doing my head in

[lin62-65ze]

Please rest assured that we are all here for you. I know this is a difficult time but you have your beautiful toddler and soon another baby. You have to think about what you have and try to imagine that many women would love to have your children, those who can have none. I cannot take away your heartache but I wish I could be there with you and help during this terrible time. As the days go by it will pass, I hope you have family who can help. Your toddler needs you, they pick up on depression and may be playing you up. Please try to focus on good positive things, no man is. Worth your tears and pain who could do such a callous thing. Eventually the pain will go away. All of us are with you in spirit. Let me know how you are getting on 😊😊😊

[jaydaguzeller in reply to lin62-65ze]

thank you so much for your words i hope to get pass this phase but it just seems to have no end

[manic666]

you have a baby now, why did the guy leave did you change like a lot of women when having children , Suicide is bad news for your baby, I tried that once it near killed my wife and kids , I was only saved because I drank brandy and I vomited the meds back and was caught out and blue lighted to the mental zoo , suicide feelings drift in let them drift out . your grieving the loss of your man , its a chapter in your life move to the next chapter

[jaydaguzeller in reply to manic666]

how do i move on to the next chapter im meant to give birth in 2 weeks and the only thing keeping me safe is being pregnant my mums biggest fear is when i give birth i would just loose it and go off the rails. i didnt change i stayed the same he wnated to be unlegit and i was finding it hard to support his decision

[baxie]

It must be an extremely difficult time for you, but by ending it all, you will be missing out on your toddler growing up, and your soon to be born child having a fantastic mother to be there to guide them through life, especially the difficult times, as you can show them how much strength you have in yourself by fighting your way through.

[jaydaguzeller in reply to baxie]

thats the problem i dont have the fight left in me anymore i just feel so stupid and hopeless. the only solution i see is alcohol and pills just to numb myself

[Lizbett]

Darlin', by trying to escape your pain, you would merely be transferring that pain to your children, especially your toddler who will ask for you, other members of your family and friends.

Your children will grow up without your love and guidance. Milestones such as birthday's, first day at school, graduations and particularly their own weddings will be missed. You won't be there for the birth of their own children. It will be during those times that your children will feel your loss acutely.

I've yet to meet someone who hasn't gone through acute heartache. I've been through it myself. It was agonising to say the least. I sincerely doubted that I would get through it, but I did. Little by little. One day at a time. I mourned the loss for quite some time because like you, I was devoted to him. You need to do the same. You also need to know that this is grief and depression that's making you feel and think this way.

I strongly urge you to talk with someone ASAP . Friend, family or health care professional. Doesn't matter who. Just someone who will be there for you and your child /children.

When you say it was your "fault", understand that it takes two people to make or break a relationship. Whatever went on with you took the both of you. In any case, him not being there should give you breathing space, to take stock of the situation and plan for a happier future. Grieve the loss preferably out of your child's sight. Cry your heart out. Tears are healing. Play with your child and try to view the world through his/her eyes.

As for your partner, he's clearly got work of his own to do on himself. Don't concern yourself about him. Focus on what you have, and what your future will bring. At 21 years of age you have your entire life to look forward to. If you cut your life short, you'll never get to find out just how wonderful life can be.

In time, this will pass. Know it and importantly, believe it. Small daily steps, okay?

Please let us know how you're getting along.

[jaydaguzeller in reply to Lizbett]

thank you for your reply it just feels so hard during the day when im with my little on i feel ok and seeing the love and happiness in her eyes breaks my heart that i dont want to go on but i cant help it at night is when it gets worse im more suicidal sad and emotional. i dont know how long i would be able to get through this he was my first proper relationship and felt like we are soul mates i just feel so empty and lost without him but i know i have the birth of my little on to look forward to but at the moment i dont even want to meet her or have anything to do with her i know it sounds incredibly selfish and i should count my blessings as a child is a gift i suffered from pnd when i had my first one and dont think i completely recovered. and as for someone to talk to i feel so alone i feel like there is no on there who understands my pain they might listen but i dont feel as though they give me the full support i need.

[Lizbett in reply to jaydaguzeller]

Aww sweetheart I wish we were closer so that I could give you a big hug!

I know that the nights are the worst. Just you and your heartache. It's a massively lonely time. Do you have anyone who could come and stay with you for a bit? Is there anything around your home that needs doing? I'd be filling the place with flowers and colourful rugs/cushions etc

Do you have any hobbies that you like or would like to do? I used to put my headphones on and dance/sing around the house. Music Therapy is really helpful. Avoid sad songs at all costs. Go for happy dance music stuff. Watch silly movies or cartoons. Whatever you do, you must keep active and have a daily plan of things to do. If you don't do this, your depression will worsen. Under no circumstances do you stay in bed during the day.

Acknowledge what has happened and commence the grieving process. Try to forgive yourself and him. Look to ALL services open to you. Surround yourself with close friends. Avoid talking about him too much. Sometimes females tend to over - think and analyse stuff. Have a dress up night, make-up etc. Do things that are fun and make you smile.

Commit to getting better and make sure you have a plan in place when things get a little too hard. Talk to your Dr about your PND from your first delivery. I don't think you've fully recovered either.

I think the nights are important to distract yourself. If your thoughts spontaneously turn to self-harm, then you MUST phone a mental health crises counselling line right away! Alternatively, call a trusted friend to be with you until it passes. Make sure you keep all the necessary numbers close by.

You need support. ASK for what YOU feel you NEED to get through this, and YES I'm here to tell you that you WILL get through it. Give yourself time and cultivate patience.

As soon as your baby is born, request meds (if not breastfeeding) and counselling. Does the hospital provide any programmes? Is there a hospital social worker who could advise you? If you had PND the first time round, chances are you'll have it again. BTW, do you have any family and/or neighbours who could help? If so, lean on them for a little while. Use every single resource you have to get through this.

Please keep posting here. We're all with you in spirit love.

Wishing you the happiness you clearly and deserve xo

[Hidden]

Thank you for following me. I do know the kind of thoughts you are having. I have suffered with depression for 18 years. I have some ways to cope but deep depressive episode still takes a huge toll on me and I struggle to survive. Feel free to share with me and I will do what I can to be here for you.

[ilovejesus777]

I pray the Lord will surround you with his everlasting love. He is the only one who will never let you down. Call out to Jesus & find a bible believing churcj. in your area. You are going to be fine. God has this. You are loved. Give him your life instead of ending it. Trust him & you will never feel alone again. Give Jesus your pain. Reach out to your community for support.