I don't feel safe here

[Torot0]

I haven't posted on here for a long time, i don't know why, I just don't feel like posting on here can help any more, i feel hopeless. All of the symptoms I didn't have have gone into place, I am now not motivated to do anything that I wanted to before (this may sound stupid but i first realized this when I didn't care about series 8 of Doctor Who) i have also had the opportunity to be in a play at the Shakespeare theatre and i didn't take it. I want to care about them but I just don't, I don't want to go out or see friends because I don't see any reason to. Also, I have started cutting and I can't stop. That's pretty much the only reason I came back here, I am scared of the power I have over myself but I don't know who to talk to, I have started contemplating suicide and seriously taken it into consideration but at the same time i don't want to do any of these things. My stomach and chest are covered in blood and cuts and i feel faint, i just don't know what to do and i don't really know what I'm asking, I have to stop typing now because my head feels heavy.

[Suzie40]

There's no reason not to feel safe on this forum. You are ok here. Giving up on things that were once important are typical signs of depression that we've all experienced from time to time. I'm worried about you bleeding. Is there anyone there with now just now? X

[Torot0 in reply to Suzie40]

no, noone else knows what's going on

[Suzie40]

Ok, well you can talk here, and we can listen. But first we need to know about the bleeding. How bad s it? X

[Torot0 in reply to Suzie40]

It's kinda stopped now, it still hurts but it's okay, i'm used to it

[Suzie40 in reply to Torot0]

Being used to it doesn't mean it has to carry on. Who is helping you to feel better? Are you seeing a GP or counsellor? X

[Torot0 in reply to Suzie40]

no, i don't really have anyone

[Photogeek]

Hi there , you will be safe on this site so relax about that . When we are depressed we worry about everything.

You need to make a decision to get help, even go to A & E if you feel you are

In danger. Have you anyone you could phone to come over to you.

Also you could phone Samaritans, but you are the only person who can

Make that choice. Please do, you can get out of this black hole.

Hannah

[Torot0 in reply to Photogeek]

Thanks, im just scared to be honest

[Photogeek in reply to Torot0]

Please try and get help and you will be less scared, are you a student?

You sound very young !

Hugs

Hannah

[wallflower_fairy]

Torot feel free to keep posting. I am slightly worried about the self harm too, as if suggests you are struggling emotionally at the moment.

I think you should an appointment with your GP and let them know what's happening.

Also, if you need to talk more directly you could try the Samaritans - they are professionals and they're for anyone going through a hard time, not just suicidal. I'll try and find the number for you.

Torot is there around you know who can talk to? A friend or a relative perhaps? You shouldn't be ashamed to tell them what's going on as I'm sure they won't judge you.

Some people say that holding ice cubes or anything else that causes discomfort is a healthier alternative than classic self harm, but if you feel you MUST cut in the meantime you can do things to reduce risks, like keeping the blade clean and treating the wound appropriately. Let me find the relevant pages.

rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthi...

08457 90 90 90 (That's the Samaritans). Also my friend told me it's 1 in 8 self harm (and that's only a representation of people who don't hide it), so it's fairly common and definitely nothing to be ashamed of.

Gentle Hugs,

wanderingwallflower xx

[Torot0 in reply to wallflower_fairy]

*hugs tightly* thank you

[wallflower_fairy in reply to Torot0]

Welcome

Soft hugs xxxx

[Suzie40]

Asking for help is always more scary than it seems. Have you ever spoken to anyone? X

[fadedlizard]

Hi Torot,

I'm sorry to hear you're in such a bad place.

I'm a cutter too so I have some idea what you're going through and how scared and alone you must be feeling.

I know it's hard but do please make sure you are safe. Have your wounds stopped bleeding? Have you been able to dress them properly? If they've stopped and you can treat them you should be ok but please if they're still bleeding or appear deep, wide or infected go to A&E and let them check you out.

That's just a stopgap though - you need help, love. Please go to your doctor. You deserve better than this. Perhaps some meds will give you a break from the depression and SI? And keep pressing for counselling. It takes a while to get it right but it's worth it. I started with my counsellor in January, going private as a last resort but slowly but surely I'm making good progress.

Don't despair.

There is a way back from this.

Love

Lizard.xxx

[wallflower_fairy in reply to fadedlizard]

That's great, Lizard! That you're improving xx

[fadedlizard in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Thanks Fay, it's still hard. My mind is all over the place sometimes and the urge is so strong but I'm finding ways to surf it and it really helps knowing I have someone beside me.

How are things with you?

[wallflower_fairy in reply to fadedlizard]

Not too bad thank you Lizard I've had a few difficulties recently so I've been a bit up and down, but I'm ok at the moment generally. Shall we continue this in private message if you want to talk? Up to you. xx

[FallenAngel]

I think we all have terrible dark days I know I do ,but I have always found this place to be comforting and very supportive .. If you don't feel like posting , don't , there are times I don't post .. I understand much of what you say and feel ,life is hard , for those of us with this curse of depression it is terrible . wish you well x

[Torot0 in reply to FallenAngel]

thanks <3 (you have good music taste)

[lespaul2001]

I don't know the reasons why you were here before but reading this. I am severely anxious, especially socially. I used to go out with my mates but now I don't do anything. By the sounds of it you where quite good at being social. Try and build that up in simple ways, go to a corner shop, and build it up at your own pace because you can't let the way you feel rule your life.