I don't really know why

Okay well I think my life should be good. I mean I'm 16 female and I'm at college and I kind of enjoy it but it's nearly everyday I feel like crying or I'm down or something. My past wasn't good, I was abused, not looked after and it was me who had to look after my sister from an early age, my so called mother is an alcoholic and smokes heavily but I don't care about her. Anyway yeah I've been in care now nearly 4 years and life has had its ups and down as usual but isn't it meant to get better? Like I said I just feel down or want to cry pretty much everyday... I don't know who to talk to because I don't want to make a big deal out of it... I have bad mood swings one minute I can be so happy the next I'm crying it's really annoyin, anyone suggest anything. Thanks

[CarmelaGrace]

Hi Choco - it sounds like you've had a tough time of it, and had a lot of responsibility from early on.

If you are crying every day, and feeling down, as well as being frustrated by the ups and downs of your mood then it must be very tiring for you. College can be bad enough even without that to cope with! It's good that you enjoy it though. What is it that you are studying?

You say you don't know who to talk to. Is there a student support services officer on campus, or in the admin office? If you find it hard to talk about then it might be helpful for you to make a note of times of day when your low mood is more intense, and things that trigger it, as a way of reminding yourself.

If it is really starting to affect your daily life then you should go to the doctor or nurse if you feel able, and let them know. Most of the uni/college health workers I have come across have been really helpful and sympathetic, and given me real, practical things I could do that would help.

best wishes,

Carmela

[secondhandrose2 in reply to CarmelaGrace]

I agree entirely with your reply. x

[Hidden in reply to CarmelaGrace]

Thank you Carmela, yes I think I might speak to my personal tutor on Friday when I'm back in colleg. See what she says to me. Although in college im seen as the happy one, quiet but hard working and I don't really want to worry people but I will talk to my personal tutor. If it does start to affect my life everyday getting worse I'll make a doctor's appointment. Thank you

[secondhandrose2]

Hi

How sad that you had such a difficult early life, it's hardly surprising that you are finding things difficult! Having a mother who was alcoholic must have been really confusing and difficult for you, especially when you see she doesn't take care of herself, let alone you. You say you don't care about her, but that is a natural defence against the pain of the fact that you feel she does not care about you - and undoubtedly she does not know how to care enough about you to learn how to look after herself - she seems stuck in her own unmet needs with little to give you.

I can understand that you find the mood swings and crying really difficult but they are a natural response to what you have experienced. It sounds as if you had to be a little adult from an early age and that will have left you with a lot of unmet neediness as well as anger about that - I had a similar experience emotionally although I was very lucky in having a good childhood in terms of physical provision. You can be helped to overcome the effects of your past so that you begin to fully enjoy life. I would suggest as a first move that you ask to talk with one of the counsellors at the college. It is important to do that as then they can make allowances if your work suffers as a result of your emotional distress. The counsellor may be able to help in an ongoing way for a time, meanwhile you could also ask your GP to refer you to a counsellor or therapist within the NHS - it is likely you would first be offered CBT which would provide you with some coping strategies and then if you still find it difficult to enjoy life you could go back to your GP and ask to be referred for ore in-depth therapy. It is important to do that when you are young as leaving it until you have been depressed long term makes it harder to shift, also if you go on to have children while you are depressed your mood will affect them the way your mother's unmet emotional needs affected yours.

You don't mention a father and I wonder whether he is around in your life, or whether you have never had contact with him?

You say you are in Care, have you talked with your foster parents or social worker about how you are feeling, and if so are they understanding or not? I wonder whether you have not turned to them, or if you have whether they can refer you to adult services ad despite the fact that you are still in Care you are in fact an adult within the NHS.

I hope you manage to seek the help you need as you do not need to spend your life feeling so unhappy.

Suexxx

[Hidden in reply to secondhandrose2]

Hi sue thank you for that. Yes I will see someone on Friday to talk about it, I don't think in college we have someone to talk about that stuff but my tutor is very helpful and understanding we get on alot. I do see my dad alot, he's a big part of my life and understands abit but I don't tell any of my family because I don't Want them to worry about me and I don't really like it when people have to Because then I feel bad. Social workers will just make a big fuss out of it which again I don't want. But thank you