I don't know whats up with me.

[Geo19]

- First of all:

I don't know why I get so paranoid all the time. Like when I'm upstairs and Alex (my partner) is downstairs, I have consent thoughts of him doing wrong by me and then I start getting all worked up and start shaking. Also I always feel like there's someone following me and watching me. No matter where I am. There is a constant thought in my head that something or someone is going to hurt me. When I'm walking up the stairs I feel the need to have to run because I feel like someone is going to grab me. Question is, is that normal? Onto another thing. I feel no emotion for no one. When our son got taken away I felt nothing. Like I didn't care and I still don't feel nothing. I don't even want to see him, hold him nor nothing. I also feel forced to see him because i know he's my son but i dont want to. Id rather sleep and stay in bed all day. but then that comes back to Alex. I cant sleep without him in my presents because I'm always wondering what he's doing but what i don't understand is if I dont have any feelings for him why am I constantly wondering what he's doing but I don't love him. I feel nothing for him. When he goes to hug me or kiss me or even go near me I dont want him to or i always say what do you want when he says my name, This next bit is alittle bit embarrsing to talk about but Sex. I dont feel ip for sex at all. Ive lost all intrested in it. I get bored and just want it over and done with. i used the excuse of loosing Jaiden and i didnt want to get pregant again and loose another but thats not really the reason. I don't know why I've become like this but deep down I feel like I've always been like this.. Its got to a point that I don't care about anyone or anything not even myself. I honestly hate myself, the way I look, the way act. I believe I'm a horrible person. I hate eating, I try my hardest not to eat because I hate how fat I am. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel physically sick. I've started having dreams of Jaiden dying and Alex cheating on me. and it won't stop. I need help.

[sweetiepye]

Hello Geo, I am so sorry for your loss and how badly you are feeling, or not feeling. You are always welcome on this site to talk about whatever you like. Personally I don't feel knowledgeable enough to advise you except to say you should see a Doctor and possibly get counseling . Be kind to yourself and realize your thoughts are confused right now. Pam

[Geo19 in reply to sweetiepye]

I have a mental health advicer and theyve diagnosed me with personaly disorder but have give mw no medication, i just dont know what to do anymore. I feel nothing. I feel alone and empty. Im scared

[sweetiepye in reply to Geo19]

You need to call or have your partner call and explain how serious this feels to you. I would also ask about anti depressants . There's no reason for you to suffer through this with out some help. You might also try the ER and tell them you are scared and want help.

[Geo19 in reply to sweetiepye]

Okay ill go to my doctors today and book an appointment

[sweetiepye in reply to Geo19]

Oh good, I'm sure it's the right thing to do. Be sure and tell them exactly how you feel.Let me know how it goes.

[Hidden]

Don't focus your mind on "paranoia" it really doesn't better anything, I've been through a similar situation with similar feelings, don't feed the "paranoia" if you have a thought as hard as it sounds but ignore it at your best as anything that does not feel is a good thing to you, is most probably not! Your low sex drive is due to the fact you think he's cheating on you, there for your mind and emotions feel asthough it's that real that you actually don't want to touch him in response to that! The more reaction and you listen to your bad thoughts the worse things tend to get! If you don't eat you will not loose weight as your body goes into survival mode and will save everything that you do eat and turn it into fat source, try taking vitamins or eating more fruit and green veg! Eat three small healthy portioned meals "Google will show you correct portion size" and you should guenuinly start to feel more energised and get more motivation to do things like pampering to make you feel better! Google self help techniques and try do do atleast 5 a day! If you need more clarity go and book in with your local clairvoyant for a reading! You'll be surprised how much weight it lifts of your shoulder! Hope this was helpful for you!

[Geo19 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you but in reponce of him cheating he has before and i will message you what else. As i dont feel it is appreciate to say on here. Where everyone can see. But thank you for the help i much apportiate it (can't spell for shit xD)

[Hidden]

Alright then there may be a different opinion from me now, that's perfectly fine, happy to help any time! And who needs spelling aye😂 We know what your saying😊

[Robbie138]

Hi Geo19 how old is your little one, it could be you have post natal depression has anyone checked for that. I hope you got a Drs app and help. Always remember someone is always around on this forum, so if you need to talk.

Take care 🙂

[Geo19 in reply to Robbie138]

He's 16 weeks old bit got took off me the day he was born because my and my partner couldnt have him because my partner used to beat me up but waiting on a doctors appointment soon

[Robbie138]

O Geo19 im so sorry to hear that, I know it isn't anything to do with me but can you not leave that relationship ? It isn't good for you or your Baby !!! I still think you might have baby blues, so get along to Dr asap. Do you have a social worker or someone to talk to or someone that can help you in meantime ?. Loving wishes xxxx