I'm 22 and I feel like I've been around long enough.
I have friends, family, wonderful boyfriend, a great paying and easy job that I love, a place of my own, food plentiful, wonderful artistic talent...
Yet I feel so empty. So mangled and twisted. There's days where I can make all kinds of jokes and laugh a lot. Then there's days where I'm suddenly on my knees and crying out for trivial reasons. I can't sleep right anymore - I can sleep for 12hrs and feel like it was only 4hrs. Its currently 2am and I can't sleep because I'm suddenly remembering everything I'm trying to bury inside and started wailing into my pillow, repeatedly saying "I can't do this.", "It hurts.", "I'm sorry.", "Make it stop." over and over, at random.
I don't take medication. I don't know how health insurance works and I'm too afraid to be poor again, so all I do is save every penny I get. For the most part.
Some days I starve myself because of self-image issues. Some days I binge because I don't care. Some days I want to abuse someone because I'm so angry. Some days I want to abuse myself because I hate myself.
I can't tell if it's just me or if something is really wrong with me. What if I'm just being ridiculous? I can't tell anymore...
I'm not sure if I even really want help. All I can do is say "I'm sorry" ... over and over again.
I just don't know anymore.