Calm before the storm

[Daylightsaving]

I'm having a down day today. This means I don't plan anything apart from to do the things I feel like doing. Some might call it a low demand day. I've stayed in bed later than usual, eaten a nice breakfast still in PJs. If it takes my fancy, I'll get dressed, if not I won't. I'll eat and drink, of course but the rest will happen organically. I'm doing this today because I've had a demanding few weeks and am exhausted. I've also got a large family gathering to manage next Sunday, Christmas shopping to complete, deadlines at work and my flu jab next week. So instead of trying to accomplish tasks today, knowing my energy is low, I'm allowing myself today to recharge.

It really helps me to write this kind of stuff here, thanks 🙏

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

Daylightsaving

This sounds like a great way to spend the day! Recharging is so important and I feel like it's one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves

Enjoy your pajama day. Do what you want and remember doing nothing is perfectly fine.

Sending positive vibes for you day of peace

❤️🐬

[Turnipgirl in reply to Dolphin14]

I am planning on some pyjama days next Saturday after a late finish on Friday night with a late supper and live music at the pub which I am looking forward to!

Friday night just gone I went to a carol concert in the village and to the pub and had a fish and chip supper as a treat after I was upset earlier on but thankfully had dealt with it in a polite manner after I received a phone call from the housing officer asking me am i free next week for a home visit and I had said no I wasn't and I was infuriated when they wouldn't accept no for an answer and managed to stop myself from screaming down the phone and slamming it down!

No I stayed polite and offered Tuesday as a compromise at 11.30am as I am in then anyway so it's no skin off my nose and that was fine and I politely asked for the reason for the visit and got her to explain and then I said how the visits upset me and why and how I get ever so upset when my privacy is invaded and told her why which was blunt but honest which was better than shouting and slamming the phone down which I would have regretted when I had calmed down!

It's bad isn't it how silly things like that can upset us but thing is matters that are stupid to one aren't stupid to someone else!

Baby is great and still getting her own way!

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Turnipgirl]

Turnip

I'm always envious of the energy you have. Maybe you should take 2 pj days

I wouldn't like someone coming into my home like that. It sounds like an inspection of some sort? I know many people go through this. Our personal space is our " nest" I call it. I know these people have to do this and you have to go through it to keep your housing but I understand it can be so invasive and violating.

❤️ Baby❤️

I hope you have a wonderful Sunday

❤️🐬

[Turnipgirl in reply to Dolphin14]

I was proud of myself when I managed to stay polite though and explain how it upsets me and why in a polite manner rather than shouting and slamming the phone down!

When I explained why the home visits upset me and why it was blunt but it was honest!

They do them every 6 months and the last one was back in June so I had expected a call anyway for ages asking about one of those so it wasn't out of the blue!

Great idea is that one take both next Saturday and Sunday as pyjama days and I don't see why not!

Tuesday what I will do is I will take my time and be extra kind to myself and once it's done I don't have to worry about it again for ages!

I find it extremely infuriating though when people won't accept no for an answer but main thing is I have got lots better at saying no to things which was what had caused trouble back in September on the other board that Sunday evening when I lashed out after I had dared to say how I had said no to someone who wanted to put me on the spot with an unplanned interview and I had said no and they kept on and I had said the answers no and that's the end of it and had put the phone down and never did give then their own way and did what I wanted anyway!

That Sunday evening that poster was mouthing off saying how we cant always do what we want to do and I had had enough which was why I did what I did and lashed out as I had put up with that for ages and that Sunday evening was the last straw!

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Turnipgirl]

Learning to say no is tough. It's very important for us to do it as it sets some boundaries for us.

I know that situation upset you. It's behind you now.

What's for tea tonight?

[Turnipgirl in reply to Dolphin14]

I think tonight's dinner will be stir fried cabbage or perhaps a butternut squash stew from a tin but what is definite is we decided last minute to have Sunday lunch at the pub today and just turned up today without having to book anything!

My sister in law said how I showed a lot of self control when I didn't shout down the phone at the housing officer on Friday evening when we were getting ready to go out to that carol concert and supper out!

Earlier on we were discussing and talking ourselves through what we are going to be doing in the week ahead and how I decided I will take the things a step at a time and take my time with things like the visit from the housing officer on Tuesday morning that get me upset!

That was great though when I spoke up and said directly how those visits upset me and why!

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Turnipgirl]

Your tea sounds wonderful. I hope you enjoyed it

It's fantastic that you spoke up. It's not an easy thing for us to do. I think it's a natural response for our people pleaser part to just say ok and hide our feelings so we don't upset others.

So 🥳🥳 to you

[Turnipgirl in reply to Dolphin14]

Good news as I managed to get the early bus down to restart this morning without any problems and it felt nice and straightforward and I was wondering what the fuss had been over!

So far it's been a nice and productive morning this morning and I have got an interview for Monday 6 January at 4pm which is good!

After restart it's swimming at 2pm and I have made a great start on the cleaning for tomorrow's visit at 11.30am.

Main thing is I went away from that call on Friday feeling I had given it my best when I said politely how the visits make me feel and did that compromise and had a think about my behaviour and it's consequences and I'm glad I did!

Like this morning tomorrow morning I will also make it my business to have lots of things to do whilst waiting for the 11.30am appointment!

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Turnipgirl]

I'm really proud of you. You have come a long way.

Enjoy today

[Turnipgirl in reply to Dolphin14]

Thankfully restart has finished and I am booked in on a course about transferable skills on Wednesday coming for 3pm which I said was fair enough and explained no I couldn't do the course tomorrow as I had already made arrangements and said about the visit from the housing officer at 11.30am and how I had stopped myself from screaming at her down the phone when she wouldn't accept that no this week isn't a good time and how I find it extremely infuriating those who won't take no for an answer and had a think about things and I am free tomorrow so said about 11.30am tomorrow and how I had explained things in a polite manner how those visits upset me and why and she said well done and how I had showed a lot of self control when I didn't slam the phone down and scream!

Once that's done I don't need to worry about it again for a while!

They said at restart that it's normal to get extremely infuriated with those who wont take no for an answer and no it's not me that's bad tempered and I said how I find it extremely disrespectful the banging on after you have been told no hoping the person will cave and give you your way and how these people should have more respect for other people!

Good news for Wednesday as it will be a full day out as it's swimming at 10am and then the jobcentre at 1.45pm and then to restart from 3/4pm and restart refund your travel costs so that's the good news!

They did say at restart well done for having persevered with fears of crowded buses and someone else received a telling off for turning up late and got told they are to rearrange!

[Turnipgirl]

Good for you for deciding on a down day for yourself!

Next week for me will be busy tomorrow to Wednesday with appointments with restart tomorrow at 10.30am, the housing officer on Tuesday at 11.30am and last but not least the job centre on Wednesday at 11.45am.

Friday evening I was getting ready to go out when the housing officer rang asking am I free any time during the next week and I had said no I wasn't as I didn't want her coming in my home to criticise me in the disguise of helping which was why I had said no!

Then she asked is there really no other time next week you could do the visit?

Part of me wanted to scream down the phone saying I said no I'm not available next week and that's the end of it and you will respect my decision wanting to slam the phone down but something stopped me and I said politely would Tuesday be OK for you and she said yes it is so it will be Tuesday coming at 11.30am.

In a polite manner I had asked about the reason for the visit and got her to explain and then I said how the home visits get me ever so upset and why which was blunt but honest but better than screaming down the phone and slamming it down and having them wonder what they did to cause such a reaction!

I'm well aware that my reaction to these things is irrational but I can't help how I feel but I am proud in how I managed to stay polite even though I wanted to scream and slam the phone down!

At least on Tuesday once it's done it's done and I don't have to worry about it again for a while!

Slamming the phone down did seem extreme when I thought things through and was thankful I stayed polite and never did and they would have kept ringing back until I caved in so agreeing to Tuesday was the best option!

It's amazing how something like that can get someone upset like I was!

What's stupid to one isn't stupid to another!

[Daylightsaving]

Well done, it can be hard to keep boundaries especially with people who can affect our sense of safety in the world, it's not the housing officers fault which I hear you acknowledging in remaining calm on the call. You kept it together when you felt like screaming which is a great skill to have. I had to use this approach recently when speaking to someone from social care in relation to my Mum's care needs. Explaining contextual factors which require mitigation to someone who wants a yes or no answer and is either very stressed, impatient or just plain rude is quite the challenge!🙆

[Turnipgirl in reply to Daylightsaving]

I'm well aware that the housing officer was just doing what she had been asked to do when she was ringing around everyone making those calls asking to come round and that's the beauty of being nearly 50 is that you get better due to your experiences at keeping calm when you feel like screaming as if I had been 20 and that had happened I would have shouted down the phone and slammed it down!

The housing officer sounded very nice when I explained things in a calm manner about what upset me and why and asked about the other lady who came to me back in June who I suspected was pregnant but hadn't wanted to have said anything as that's rude!

Back in February I went to a carvery at an estate pub nearby called the Willows and received remarks from other customers about how much I had put on my plate and I had asked them don't you know that's rude?

Yes I was right the usual lady was pregnant and had another baby girl which I was happy to hear and hopefully she will be back next summer.

When a situation like that comes up again I will be excellent!

Today we decided on an unplanned Sunday lunch out which we have enjoyed after being in yesterday doing vegetarian meals!

[BrainIsFull]

I think it's good that you're taking the time to recognize what you need and then to take care of yourself 💚💚💚

[Mamamichl]

I’m so proud of you taking a “me day”. We all need those from time to time. I went to my friends hotel room Friday night and we had a girls morning and talked most of the night. I am recharged for dealing with he stresses of having a neurodivergent household once again.

[Daylightsaving]

Thanks, I feel better for it 😊

[Turnipgirl in reply to Daylightsaving]

I feel great myself after having that unplanned Sunday lunch this afternoon which I really enjoyed and I felt it did me good to get out of the flat and chat with my friends who said well done for not having screamed down the phone at the housing officer when she wouldn't accept no next week isn't convenient for an answer as it infuriates me no end when others won't take no for an answer as I feel it's disrespectful myself to keep on and on after you have been told no to something!

I used my sense and said about Tuesday morning at 11.30am as I'm in then anyway so it's no skin off my nose to fit her in then!

It looks like it's heavy rain on Tuesday so stopping in I wont be missing out on anything!

Tuesday morning I will take my time as I have sorted the shopping delivery to come at 9am and once that's done it's done for the day, put that away and then do some veg prep and wait for the door to go around 11.30am and do the visit and then see her out and after the visit do something nice for myself which I think is fair.