Proof of trauma's effects. low cortisol.

[stwdiehl]

I saw my doctor yesterday. She gave me the results of a 24 hr cortisol saliva test. They showed my cortisol levels were very low. She said I had the profile of an individual under excessive stress over a life time. That means I have physical proof that I have had trauma induced lizard brain HPA axis dysregulation since childhood. Yikes. That explains all the trouble I've had handling stress long term as an adult when I was working. Tonight I feel like damaged goods. I'd cry long and hard if I could connect emotionally. I'm definitely exhausted today. I've been put on some adaptogens and adrenal extract to help support my endocrine system. But I wonder if I can truly recover from this state at my age. I'm just so tired of this whole cycle. I have proof but now what to do with it. That's something for me to figure out next. I still hate being run down.. can't live.. can't exercise... must be quiet, calm, and in low light for my own good. Blah.... Exhaustion sucks.

[Hidden]

I think no matter what you can heal. The body always wants to get back to it's healthy natural state. Remember we have thoughts about our condition and we have the physical aspect. Be mindful with your thinking because thoughts produce chemical reactions also. You can produce adrenaline just by thinking about a physical condition or symptom. If you can support your body in whatever way works for you to heal and control your thoughts/focus on positive maybe you can feel much better. I am speaking from a life time of big T's experience also. I can give my self goose bumps just by thinking about a symptom or memory. I know thoughts are really connected to how we feel. Just some insight that I just learned about myself that I hope may be useful to others. I really hope you feel better and send positive vibes your way.

[GeminiDancer Major Contributor]

I can def relate to feeling like "damaged goods". I always struggle with comparing myself to others when it comes to energy. My body and makeup just seems incapable of what is so easy and natural for others. I'm sure adrenal and cortisol burnout have a lot do with it. Exhaustion totally sucks and is so hard to battle day in day out...especially when we so want to be able to overcome it and do so much more. I do believe we can heal physically and emotionally no matter how old we are. If Michele can fully recover from all the severe physical symptoms she encountered I really think anyone can. Blessings and strength to you in your courageous battle.

[ubsparkles]

stwdiehl Hi... I can relate because I also lived 50 yrs. before I new I had old child abuse evolved into PTSD. Once I hit healing activities I learned we can calm our spinning-wheel mind! Talking & Journaling is a good start. Congrats and Blessings.

[stwdiehl in reply to ubsparkles]

I've been talking and working on getting better. Vitamins, meditation, healthy diet, proper sleep hygiene. The only bad habit I can't kick is spending too much time on my computer. I don't know what to do with my time without it. I work in a job to help others. I need to work on my connection to my soul and bring the joy that lies there under all the pain, sadness, and anger in my mind. I reach that spot and that will be the game changer.

[ubsparkles in reply to stwdiehl]

stwdiehl Hi. What can be more gratifying that helping others, all the while we're going deeper to fill the hole in our soul. Know exactly what you're talking about. My relationship -me and a Higher Power of my understanding- got so much better after I believed that there was a Light at the end of the Tunnel. The issues causing the pain can be addressed slowly, overtime and actually forgiven (Forgiveness is not for being treated unfair but to release ourselves by accepting God's forgiveness) ...and only the good memories will remain.

[stwdiehl]

Wow. I just spent 12 hrs in bed. I slept 9+ hrs of broken sleep. Which is typical for me. Right now I feel as tired as when I went to bed. If dawn hadn't come I'd still be in bed wanting to sleep more. I feel as exhausted, depressed, and sad as last night before I went to bed. I spent 4 hrs at work yesterday. Barely said anything. Sat in on two busy meetings and did some computer work. I was tired yesterday from two nights of poor sleep before that. It is amazing what poor sleep can do to me. Anyone else ever feel the same after a long night's rest? I've felt this way multiple times over the last 3 months. I'm glad it's winter with long nights. I can get some extra rest with long nights. I apparently need it.

[Sheilasue33]

I rather just sleep my life away. I absolutely hate getting up, but I have tonbeacause my back hurts. Once I am up I am okay, but i can't wait to go back to sleep. There are no problems to deal with when your asleep. I sleep zbout 14-16 hours a day.

[Equis-Canine Volunteer]

I understand the sleep issues. I phrased it as "My year on the couch." If I wasn't in bed, I was asleep on the couch and I was still tired all the time. That was 3 years ago. I just visited a nutritionist who said it was probably a good thing, a slow recharge after a lifetime of high stress. That made me feel better because I thought it was just a period of huge depression and a way to escape.

Since that year, I got a cptsd diagnosis, visit my therapist regularly, and take medication.

Your comment " I need to work on my connection to my soul and bring the joy that lies there under all the pain, sadness, and anger in my mind. I reach that spot and that will be the game changer." is where I am stuck now. I just can't access that. I spend lots of time caring for and helping others. That feels very good. But I feel uncomfortable taking the time to be quiet, mindfully meditate, enjoy the moment or sooth myself. I so desperately want to feel joy. I've seen actors show blissful joy in movies and I think I would recognize it if I felt it. It eludes me.

[Katalina]

I'll be busy tiding the kitchen or whatever & boom - can I stay awake long enough to get to my bed. It's unreal - I too see sleep as such a pleasurable thing - read in my teens an article in the newspaper - a man explained that his hobby - sport - what ever you want to label it was sleep - whether a cat nap, or curling up in the hammock to catch some zzzz's - I so wish I had clipped & saved it - the whole article was on how we miss what an awesome past-time sleep is - no matter how many hours we let our bodies enjoy this unadulterated miraculas rejuvenating pleasure called SLEEP. Wonder it seems like we're programmed to see it as a negative state of being - when maybe how we view it is part of the problem - maybe - I for one must admit if I don't get a nap - I feel like a meal without dessert. I'm one of those that can see merit in eating dessert 1st. Just incase ones demise should happen before one could get to dessert. Just a thought - mine.