This Journey of Healing is Not for the Faint of Heart

[UncoveringTruth]

This journey of healing is not for the faint of heart. It can be painful. It can be exhausting. It can be heartbreaking.

My journey to heal from my "Big-T" trauma has unearthed a lifetime of neglect and emotional abuse that was so commonplace to me that it seemed normal. I have decades of suppressed emotions pouring out of me like an unstoppable avalanche. It can all seem overwhelming at times and I wonder when I'll get to the other side of this and feel like me again, or maybe for the first time. It can be hard in this space of healing to remember the good times, to remember that not all my memories are painful memories. It's too easy to get sucked into the swamp of sadness. I'm really trying to find little pockets of joy every day, trying to recall the happy memories. Some days are better than others.

I hope that you're all finding your pockets of joy wherever you can. May we all find peace and healing. May we all be safe and protected. May we know that we are loved and love ourselves. May we know that we are worthy and deserving of all this and so much more. Be Well

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I relate to to what you shared, UncoveringTruth, except somehow I had a smaller situation that uncovered the big traumas that were not addressed and the avalanche started.

It is so tough to deal with so much at the same time when first starting to process. I remember I got physically ill, it was more than my body could take at that time.

I think facing this is the most courageous thing and it is very exhausting especially from decades of different situations.

It is really good that you are able to see joy and find the good in between the bad. I think it made a huge difference for me. It means you are able to feel joy and that is so precious...

Thank you so much for your beautiful message of hope... I have tears in my eyes reading this...

[fauxartist]

I can only share my personal journey, and that is learning to cope with what I have. My case of CPTSD haunts me every day...and I don't think we ever can completely get over trauma, but we can learn in my case, and I'm sure many here, that it wasn't our fault, we didn't deserve it, and it does not define who we are. Horrible things happen to good people. Sometimes we have to start finding what we want to be now after a trauma, because we have to accept we will never be that person we used to be, but we can actually grow, establish a new life, find an inner strength, find ourselves out of chaos and know our life doesn't have to be perfect, no ones is, life is a messy learning experience for most of us....but we can eventually settle on establishing boundaries and knowing what we can realistically want in this life, and it can have good days, okay days, and sometimes just crap days....but we know it can get better again... we can find some joy, we are lovable, just as we are.

[SeeingTomorrow]

I can relate so much to you. Healing is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I use to think I was so strong. After 36 years of mental abuse from more than one source I stepped away from it. So much of my childhood I never remembered until now. Before I started the road to true happiness I knew bad things happened but I could barely recall any of it, I mainly knew the good. Turns out that is a trauma response. Now I am left with triggers that I don't understand, childhood pain that feels so fresh and like you, I keep searching for the good. Reading your post reminded me that before I decided to take a step to find my self-worth I had written down dozens of childhood memories that were all good. I am going to look for that and read it. Hopefully laugh a little.

I hope you are able to find the good in your memories.