Its been a battle but i have done it !!!!

[Poohbear76]

Hello all

Just to update on my journey to take the man who sexually abused me to court. It has taken 3 years 2 police statements lots of painful memories and nightmares but my case is going to court.!!!!!

I had support from a wonderful psycologist who waited whilst a gave my statement which was recorded. I told my experience and gave as much detail as i could.

I give my evidence via video link next year and i am TERRIFIED. I have heard that the process of cross examination is BRUTAL.

I am so anxious that i think daily about what could happen if he still walks free. After the pain and trauma he inflicted on me as a child he should be locked up.

I have a grown up daughter 28 who wants to come with me, i do not want her to see me so upset.

I have not told her the things that he did and i still feel misplaced shame. I also feel a responsibility to other survivors of child sexual abuse to do my best. Will the jury believe me ? Will i be strong enough ? How much back lash do i expect from going through the details.? I had horeendous flashbacks,body memories and nightmares giving the statements.

I am so grateful that i have managed to get it to court so afraid that after everything i have done it wont be enough. I am frightened of what that could do to me.

Has anyone any advice please ?

[Shnookie]

you are such a brave and strong woman. A true role model to your child. I know you have questions about your daughter going with you to court. My question is how much does your daughter know about the sexual assault that occurred to you as a young girl. This could be a healing experience for both of you. She must have seen growing up how certain things impacted you in a negative way. I’m zjewish. My father, aunt and grandparents were Holocaust survivors. Though it was painful to hear what happened to them, it made it easier to understand some of their behavior that I witnessed growing up. Wishing you good luck in Court. I’m here 4 U.

Hugs 🤗 M 💕😎💪

[Poohbear76 in reply to Shnookie]

Thank you 😊 I do not feel very brave but I am determined to do everything I can to put him away. My daughter knows that I was raped at 7 but not how long the abuse lasted. I was very strict and never left my children with a babysitter or let them stay on sleepovers. I think she understands a little bit better. The Holocaust was horrendous I am sorry that your family had to experience such ugly hatred and racism. Your father , aunt and grandparents must have suffered so badly. I now how misplaced the guilt I carry is but I feel shame and want to protect my daughter from the ugly reality of child sexual abuse. I am a mother and carry the little girl me inside.

I think I would be mortified if my daughter heard details. It so confusing.

Thank you again for replying it means a lot x

[Shnookie in reply to Poohbear76]

You are very welcome. My grandma also had survivor’s guilt which turn gave me PTSD. With what I have gone thru, has given me empathy toward others who are going thru hard times in their lives.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

You are so very brave, Poohbear76.

It is very traumatic having to recall the details of trauma. I hope that the court will be empathetic and won't push you.

You did a great job. I know you are unsure and questioning things because it's such a high stakes, but you did already so much... I hope they will be able to see that and the courage, overcoming of all the terrible symptoms.

In fact just telling the court of those symptoms might help them understand the impact trauma has. It needs to be done very sensitively and I'm so glad that the psychologist was there...

Thank you for your courage...

[Poohbear76 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you for your kind words. I cannot believe how much impact giving a statement would have on me. I cannot fault the officer who took my statements he was so kind and patient. It just exploded into my every day life in a way I did not expect. I am far from brave I am terrified of been in the same building as him. Luckily I won't have to be in court to see him the police said I will be in another room. I am aware that historical sexual abuse is REALLY difficult to get as far a trial. I feel so sad that this is the realty and that many victims don't get justice. x

[1949liz]

you are an extremely strong person, to go this far, it is the beginning of your recovery. The next step will be your recovery completed . You are a true survivor.. your next step will be to get him put away and you will. Do it because of the many people who have suffered like you, but are not strong enough to go through watch you have suffered. judges and juries will believe. Just Tell the truth, shame the Devil I think it’s important for your daughter to hear everything you had to endured because it will help her to help you.You are my hero today God bless you, Liz.

[Poohbear76]

Thank you I hope that they do believe me I am telling the truth. I am emboldened by your words and I know that many suffer in silence and I will think of that when I am in court. x

[Mamamichl]

although I understand your daughter wants to be there, I would either tell her to wait outside of the testimony if you think you won’t say the details in front of her. Or you may want to tell her all of the details ahead of time if you think both of you could handle it. It would be a good idea to go over the details with someone and come up with questions that you may have to answer (google them or watch other trials that are similar). I’m sure they will ask about dress, if you actually said “no” or screamed for help. Think about anything you did that could be seen as flirting too or as if you were coming on to him.

Discuss what he did that was coercion and lies. Oh, and if there was an exchange of money, saying each detail about that you remember.

My mother trafficked me. Unfortunately I didn’t contact authorities “within the time frame”, I’m so glad you have the bravery to stand up earlier than I did. ✊

[Poohbear76 in reply to Mamamichl]

Wow i am sorry that your mother did that to you, she should have protected and cared for you. I was only 6 years old when it first began. I think its impossible for a child to flirt. I was groomed but it was NEVER anything that i did. He was the adult. If i am asked if i flirted i will be furious. Crazy fu*ked up world where the victim is asked things like this especally more so when its a child abuse case.I am really not brave i am honestly terrified but what him and other abusers do is wrong.

[Mamamichl in reply to Poohbear76]

It really is messed up when people are asked that, especially females. I’m sorry it happened to you so young. I’m still glad you are so brave to make a stand. Good luck! Zen hugs 🫂

[SavingGrace Administrator]

You are such a courageous and brave person, Poohbear76. I'm so pleased for you, hearing that this has gone through to a court case...... thank goodness. This to me shows that there is evident and sufficient proof, which is just cause to proceed, so please take heart from this and that you won't be 'not believed.'

Be true and honest to yourself - and that is the very best you can be....

Sending a prayer for you now and will be thinking of you....

Take good care xxxx SG <3

[Poohbear76]

Thank you i really hope he gets prison time. I am so afraid of the entire process but determined to see it through.

[Midori]

You are amazing Poohbear.

You have my total admiration, I am almost certain he will get prison time, and if there are other accusers even more likely. 🙂

Cheers, Midori