Nightmares. Rage. Nightmares threatening to kill people. Rage beyond comprehension.
I feel trapped, humiliated, powerless to change things.
The rage is incomprehensible. Needing the very people who caused PTSD 's financial help due to being so ill. Maybe sue the people?
Rejection, disrespect, overwhelm, feeling threatened, isolated and abuse, that I cannot do anything to change things, feeling trapped, betrayal or any perceived sends me into rage and a monster inside comes out who scares me so badly. I have feelings of wanting to kill. Pure rage. Adrenaline.
No one understands PTSD in real life. If you are doing badly in life and feel rage or terror or worthless, or unable to change things, or things are harming you, abandonment or humiliated, or dissociated, people treat you very badly.
When you try to make changes, bad happens it seems. Until you decide to become evil like the rest of the world and harm others to your advantage. Somehow not letting in their pain, not flinching as they suffer unbearably, as they do to you.
Apparently, I have been set off so badly I don't know how to deal with the amount of rage and thinking bad is happening and going to happen to me, and people are 'laughing' at my powerlessness, feelings of worthlessness and dissociated ' altered' state.
I have had it with all this. Perhaps my thinking is not in reality, but people cannot be trusted. I know if I could believe that good will happen to me, I would not think this way. That I will have my needs met, that no one will be harming me, that I will have soon, a kind, loving supportive husband there for me.
And most importantly, that I can make a lot of money and/ or have a ton of money to keep people the hell away from me when they need to be thrown onto the cement until their heads crack open and bleed all over their disgusting selves--
Money is everything.
--and anyone with rage knows this sentiment exactly and this monster. (and such thinking of course engenders disrespect most likely and fear, even when others feel the same things, just suppressed )
What or who is this monster inside. It is a different personality or entity inside me. It wants to torture someone and kill. This is not good for people to go through this and to have gone through what has caused this. Triggers. I am tired of the mumbo jumbo. No one understands PTSD and how to help. The world is a big facade of disgusting people, abandonment, rejection, cruelty. It is a dog eat dog world and no one will be there, there is no love in dark energy circles where love is not.
All people really want is money, power and control. This is reality of the world. Either you take it, or others will take it from you. Love is a facade. Healing is a facade that lines others with money in their pockets. And then they laugh. Until the day they are dying and soon, they will be no more. Worms will crawl through them. They have nothing left but to die. Then money no longer is worth anything. Nothing is.
One needs to find a way to line ones own pockets with others money using deceit, trickery, lies, acting, evil.
I am going to visit my friend Richard. I know he will calm me down. But this is all very dangerous. PTSD. And what happens to the mind.
By the way, when the mind is this way, it attracts power tool noise and other people's bad energy noise. Noise begins close by outside. Energy is everywhere and it attracts its like.
Anyone want PTSD? What about the people that caused it, will they get tortured soon. When will the tides turn on evil. Maybe I have become evil. So be it. The world needs more evil for sure to destroy it completely. Sociopaths will never reveal such sentiments as I have just done. They have a candy coating and people will never see underneath. Even when we all know they run the show. Sociopaths are all around us, waiting to attack wounded people like I am displaying here, and others do here.
Can I make my way ever? Let's hope so. The world does not need more violence and hatred and evil. But if things don't help me heal, it is just one more sick, evil individual doing harm among a disgusting species. I talk a big talk, but cannot seem to harm a bug. Instead, I will rescue it and put it outside.
how do you like them apples. Who is that person, wow, shock. how can she change like that. fear. intrigue. oh, humans, when will you wake up as a species. I have gone down the rabbit hole. Too many triggers and stress.
father issues triggered again, surprise surprise. are people shocked by my altered state so different from my other state?