Family Drama...

[SurvivingEveryday]

I have three adult siblings who are nothing but literal drama. They quarrel, fight, and are just not decent people. Our elderly parents live with me and my spouse (a fact in itself that has caused drama within the sibling group).

They seem to always attack me for silly things that they perceive I do. Like, my sister thinks my spouse and I are on the verge of bankruptcy and tells my parents, who then worry. My two brothers accuse me of things that I do not do, and also tell my parents.

The reason they live with me is because everyone else lives out of state. I don't want a relationship with my siblings and have told both them and my parents. My parents being here is so difficult because they bring my siblings up and talk about them a lot. Plus, they have a right to love their children. I do not hinder, nor ban, them from having a relationship. I encourage it. But it is becoming more and more difficult and I'm not sure what to do.

This situation sucks, and I'm constantly retraumatized and triggered.

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

Good Morning SurvivingEveryday:

I learned to set boundaries with people, mostly family members. I had to let them know their toxic words weren't acceptable to me anymore.

It is tough with your parents in the home. I do respect and admire your understanding that they need that relationship with your siblings. That shows a level of maturity that maybe the others don't have.

I hope you find a way to settle this. You don't need the turmoil in your life.

🐬

[SurvivingEveryday in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you so much. We, humans, are such emotional complex creatures. I think boundaries will help greatly.

[1Mechanic]

Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I feel your pain. My sibling will knowingly trigger my symptoms. It can get really bad at times.

I have cut off communication with my sibling. That is only because this is the second time. The first time my sibling did this I contacted another family member. He was someone that everyone in my family went to for anything. Everyone in my family always listened to him and respected him.

I’m saying this, because maybe you can try something similar? Maybe hearing what they are doing to you from someone else that is already respected would help? I can say that When my sibling heard what she was doing to me from him; it stopped immediately.

Hang in there.

[SurvivingEveryday in reply to 1Mechanic]

Thank you so much for your words, and advice. Your idea is great, perhaps having my spouse or someone else talk to them will be of help.

[jackiesj]

This is soooo frequent. i have same conflict in life..or did. I was not sent to this family to "save" each situation.I realized that i was the one listening to all the garbage without saying no, we need to switch the subject...why did i listen for so many years to the same ol same ol.I made the decision to step back.i didnt leave it to anyone else.So they tried to go around about way to drag me in still...so i stopped that. When you stop abuse aka dragon can show its head but then they learn that it hurts you mentally physically and relationships.Some wont take not to involve you but...maybe they need to know they are a part of the problem and solution. you need to ask if you need to listen nicely when it feels abusive in body or mind. Best wishes..

[SurvivingEveryday]

Thank you all for your kind words, insight, and advice. I have made the difficult decision to just not be part of my siblings family(s). It is sad, but I truly think that it is time for me to take my mental health into a better place, and unfortunately I think cutting them out is the only way forward. Wish me luck!