Healthy relationships

[deann3905]

I wanted to share my idea of red flags and good first date questions to keep girls safe.

1. Have your date take you to a sit down restaurant. Watch how your date treats your waitress. This is how he will treat you later. (even better if your order is wrong, watch what he does....)

2. Ask about his relationship with his mother. (or female role model who raised him.) The reason is she taught him how to treat women. This is how he will treat you later.

3. Ask about his pets growing up. If he has too many to count there may be a problem. You will need to probe into this a bit more or turn and run. How he treats a pet dependent on him for food, water and shelter is how he will treat you later.

The pet thing is a big one because we even have laws about animal cruelty. If someone will beat a pet he will do it to you too.

I derived these three from my own abuse and observations in my life. Its better to see these things on the first date. Your not emotionally attached and able to discontinue the relationship.... no 2nd date if he fails these three.

I hope this helps!

[ElizaV]

I agree. My father actually killed animals with seemingly no remorse or second thought. He abused my mother and all of his children. This post made me feel so grateful for my husband, who has never done any of these things. Thank you for giving me this moment of gratitude. 

[Hidden in reply to ElizaV]

Heartbreaking to read . I am sorry you had to experience these things . 

[Hidden]

What is the significance of having too many pets growing up? 

Just curious. 

[red85 in reply to Hidden]

I could see it being indicative of neglect. We had a lot of pets growing up and unfortunately they suffered a lot of neglect. Sometimes, people will take in lots of pets to express their own need for love but are unable to provide for them in the most basic ways.

[deann3905 in reply to Hidden]

Its mostly to get conversation flowing. And if the pets "disappear" or die. That's the red flag. Not many pets.... but many dead, missing, abused pets.  You will know when your date is expressing a desire to hurt defenseless animals. He will not exactly say "Yes I tortured all our pets".  But what is not said your gut will tell you. Trust your gut. I got the feeling and thought I was just crazy. But now I know it was the subtle queues I was getting on the first date. This guy almost killed me, and my gut knew it on the first date.

[red85]

These are good--especially the mom one. Also, if someone tells you they were "accused" if abuse by a "crazy" ex--HUGE red flag! Run!