I am a single mom all I do is ...

[amerie]

I am a single mom all I do is work I don't really ever like to go out or be social especially with men I think its because of the abusive relationship I was in my friends say lets go out but I don't like to leave my kids but I feel tense and stressed from work to bieng a house mom even though I love my children and wouldn't trade it for the world and all what I'm dealing with just builds up what can I do to keep myself more happy and improve myself would church be more helpful?

[689908]

Hello

I am a single Dad and in a similar position. People tell me to move on and find someone new but that scares the life out of me but I am trying.

I too have tried church. It can help to soothe things but not long term. I feel great stress from the last relationship to the point of where dropping or collecting my son fills me with dread.

I try to distract myself through work and social activities but it doesn't work. Sometimes I feel guilty just for being happy.

[amerie in reply to 689908]

Yes I am the same way I push everyone away which is so weird and I can understand the part about feeling guilty when happy but i guess we must now learn a whole new life because if we are happy are kids will be they say ? I hope you also overcome this I know it's difficult thanks for the feedback

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

I'm a firm advocate of journaling. Writing about your day, exploring things you might like to do to distress. Have you thought about trips to the park, the local museum and try to add to the list other things you can do with little or no cost. Activities that you can do with your kids, building happy memories for them. Baking at home with them, letting them learn from you. Kids often enjoy having a little garden to tend with your help so that they actually pull weeds and not plants out. Craft type of things with your kids, painting, making small projects. I ahd a to do box when my kids were small. Into this I out all sorts of things. Paints, paper, stapler, Sellotape, I'd visit op shops (cheap second hand shops) and I'd buy buttons and lace, I'd look at the clothing for different fabrics that appealed to em and I'd buy the garment and my girls would cut them up, make small bags for marbles and dolls clothes and the like. Visit school galas they often have cheap plants and bits n bibs to go in the to do box. Go online you can find heaps of pictures to print out for colouring in. I have found lots of mandalas there to print off as well as when I'm stressed I enjoy the intricate patterns and I colour them in-very therapeutic. Start your kids doing journaling as well as these books will become memories for them in the future. So yes lots to do. Hope your mojo is up to it. Let the kids cook tea one night a week depending on their ages you may or may not have to help. I cook a lot in a slow cooker so I prepare meals ready for the crockpot or slow cooker and freeze them down so if I want to be out all day I pull them out and throw them in the crockpot before I leave home and I come home to lovely cooked meals. I freeze them in oven bags and throw them straight in the crockpot in those bags to cook in - saves a lot on the washing up too. Hope soem of thea eiders inspire you. Take care.

[amerie in reply to Lindyloo53]

Thank you very much yes I've been trying to fill my days off with activities and I've noticed that does make me happy but I will try all the fun activities you've mentioned

[silviaHope]

something that helps a lot was TFT tapping Freedom technic ..TAPPING you can find it on you tube is an alternative to acupunture with needles and is free

[AnyaC]

Church can be very helpful if you can find a place where you feel safe. Having a supportive "family" around is wonderful - I still am in touch with my cheerleaders from the last church I attended. It's great to have time to sit back and worship and learn..... as long as you can feel safe. My PTSD triggers at churches because of the pastors, so I've had to quit attending. It kills me not to be there - I've been a Christian for 51 years, so not being involved is very hard. But, not feeling safe and accepted and cared about by the pastor just triggers more and more as time goes by.

Because of my PTSD, I've become pretty much of a home body. I am learning to pick my times out. IS what I'm going to do be safe for me? Is it something I would really enjoy doing? These are just a few of the questions I'm asking myself before I decide to step outside of my safe place, my home. And, I'm only really safe here because of my watchdog and my wonderful husband... and our handguns! By asking the questions before I open the door to leave, I'm enjoying my time out much more. I have set goals for myself - baby steps - and I celebrate every baby step I can take. Right now, if I can get out of the house once a week, I'm happy. And if I can do some kind of housework every day... I'm not meeting that goal yet, but working on it! One day at a time, one baby step at a time. And rejoice and celebrate with your cheerleaders if you have some!

Obviously, I too am learning to live this life again. I was diagnosed over 10 yrs ago, and basically shut down and relied on instincts - fight or flight. I flew from lots of things, back to the safety of my home. Even now, often the sound of the phone ringing triggers me slightly. There are going to be lots of hurdles to take, but there's also lots of time to get over them.

I hope you can find that place of relaxation and fun you're looking for. <3

[amerie in reply to AnyaC]

Thank you I don't exactly know what ptsd is but I've done a little reading in it I just sometimes have really bad anxiety and I don't know the reason or my emotions are just a rollercoaster and lately I don't know what I'm feeling but I do agree that it takes a safe place and positive enviorment to keep you encouraged and good for you yes celebrate every baby step because I do as well ! Thank you for sharing with me and yes its too bad people should be accepting but some people will never understand difficult situations like these until they experience them them selves but happy you are taking it day by day keep it up !

[AnyaC in reply to amerie]

Thank you, Amerie. Have you had a trauma in your life? Most of us have, but PTSD is like having lived too much life with too much heartache until we just can't take anymore. Severe anxiety is a huge part of it. I've survived many traumas in my life - several forms of abuse, raising a sociopathic son who wanted to kill his family, and finally his murder..... his murder was the final straw for me. I've dealt with severe ptsd since then. It's never easy, but I'm learning finally how to draw my limits and still have a life. I refuse to be a victim - I'm a survivor who's survived too much.

[amerie in reply to AnyaC]

Wow very touching and the best part you are strong positive minded to pull threw I know that other people have way more difficult situations and I should thank god for another shot at life everyday I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship but I can't imagine what you went or are going threw especially your own child that's hard for a mother so much that we love our children your words and story inspire me but yes I've had anxiety and heartaches getting better but I know you understand its not easy to cope with things like this some people dont understand the trauma we face until they come across a situation and I don't wish it upon anybody to go threw expierenes like these but thank you for sharing and I will pray for you and your family stay strong lets fight this because life is short and god is good we have alot to live for god bless

[AnyaC in reply to amerie]

You too! Hang in there! <3