Without writing a novel here, let it be sufficient to say I have a lot on my plate right now. My trauma and the life it came out of have told me to be self-sufficient and focus on toughing things out, don't rely on others... I'm working on that, so here I am.
I have a handful of big issues in my life and generally, the solutions to them are out of my hands. Time is going to solve these things but I'm still incredibly frustrated at the moment. I keep reminding myself to focus on what I can control... but intrusive thoughts keep pushing their way past everything. My blood pressure is way up. When I let my guard down (often in the middle of the night) I wake up into intense panic attacks. I find myself thinking about hurting certain people because I'm fed up and just want to be left alone but some people never know when to quit bothering others. I don't like being angry all the time, it's just not me and I know from the past that I am capable of being monstrous.
I'm in control; I'm not at risk of hurting anyone but each day this high-stress state continues, the more I want to lash out.
I just want some simple stuff in life. I want to have solutions to some things, and not have to wait for others to dictate to me how things are going to be after waiting a couple of months.
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EndUser13
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I appreciate you sharing the situation. I can relate to some things.
Waiting is a very difficult part, with not much control over the situation other than your part and how you mange your emotions and arising PTSD triggers.
I think anger can save us from a deep depression and maybe it can be channelled into other things we can control but at times it is so emotionally tough.
I know panic attacks middle of the night. They are absolutely shattering. It takes all I have to just get through and there are so many. Together with flashbacks, it can be so much.
I think feeling emotions and accepting them as they are, even when they are unbearable, has to be one of the things that help through PTSD. That's the goal for me.
Last night I had so many difficult emotions, including anger and I told myself "it's all right to feel it, no matter what the emotion is". I wanted to fight it but I don't know if that's best strategy, probably not. I think finding an outlet, throwing a ball or doing some push ups or anything like that, to get the adrenaline out of the system might help a bit.
Screaming loud helps but might not be appropriate depending on where you are. Sometimes a primal scream or crying can help release the emotions.
I walk around the room at times. It helps feel like I'm doing something when my body is in fight / flight mode.
I think anger has a place in helping us survive. It triggers me in others but I need to embrace it in myself, too.
Let us know how things develop and we are always here for support...
Thank you, I appreciate that. I see how anger can be used as a tool, it's just hard to solve things that aren't your problems to solve but the consequences of which are being forced on you.
I'm so sorry things are going this way for you. I'm glad you posted and let us know you are struggling. The support can help us as we are not walking this road alone. The stories are different but the symptoms are similar
It must be very difficult to have someone else in control of your life and destiny. Is there any way you can gain a bit of control? Break down the big picture into smaller parts and see if you can work what you can?
I show my anger as sadness and I cry. My therapist and psychiatrist have been trying to help we with this for years. Anger is an emotion that it's ok to feel. I imagine if you don't allow yourself to express it that it can boil over.
You want the simple things in life. I know you enjoy your garden and I hope you are still finding peace there.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm doing better day by day, focusing on what I can control. For example, I grew some tomatoes and ended up with something called end blossom rot- it ruined the fruit I got but I looked at it as something to learn from, a new challenge. I try to apply this kind of thought towards life and focus on more positive things. Sometimes patience only goes so far, it's in those moments that I need to take a mental break and assess what is important and worthwhile of my time.
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I hope things get better soon
me and my brother!
I hate this, still triggered and suffering
Combining benzo and antidepressants
