Trigger or Avoidance

[TeeG]

Lately I have had a hard time figuring out the difference between my triggers and me just avoiding triggers. I just recently moved about an hour away from the closest person I know. I was very excited about this because I was living in a very negative environment, after beginning to make me a priority, I raised the bar and decided to end relationship/friendships with people who I didn't have a balanced relationship with and/or didn't support my efforts to heal. It was liberating! But liberating quickly turned terrifying, when I realized I was really, truly doing this A SOLO...the silence is deafening! I've found since my move, my symptoms has gotten a lot worst. The other night I jumped ten feat in the air when I saw something, my own shadow. I felt like "girl get a grip" I have found than new things are triggering me that didn't trigger me before. The thought of going home for thanksgiving make me want to puke and I want to stay home. It should be a easy answer since I haven't "technically" been invited to anything but I more fearful of what will happen if stay home with my 9 year old son the way I've been feeling lately. Any suggestions?

[BearTree]

Is there some kind of event where you live now that you could go to for Thanksgiving? Many communities have gatherings for the public, or through a church? There are also restaurants that have Thanksgiving dinners. It seems like if staying away from your family and former friends is important for your healing, and solitude is getting to you, there might be some new event/place/people you and your son could do to share the holiday and take care of yourselves.

[TeeG in reply to BearTree]

It's definitely something I've been considering. I'm sure there something to do around here for thanksgiving. I'll be looking into it. This will be my first time not spending the holidays with my family. It's kind of bittersweet but I'm looking forward to building new memories.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

It sounds familiar to my past experiences. I moved abroad twice. I am isolating myself sometimes, trying to avoid triggering things, and the fear is getting a lot worse.

The most difficult moments are when I get used to being alone and then for a period of time I am around people. Then I get used to being around people and when I come back home, being alone feels so strange.

I would like to have a balance so that I don't experience those changes. That's the only solution I see but it takes time to find activities with new people and feel safe with them.

Till then, maybe trying to have any interactions with people where you live now? Even short ones, just so you feel less isolated.

[TeeG in reply to Nathalie99]

I know I have the hardest time finding balance too. I feel hopeful though. I was having a pretty hard day but I found a new church here and I forced myself to go enough i was feeling down and in spite of the anxiety I was feeling. I treated my self and my son to lunch and even walked around the mall a bit. It ended up being a pretty good day. It was a small victory but very significant. I could definitely see myself doing it again for thanksgiving. We enjoyed ourselves.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to TeeG]

That's so nice to hear....