My therapist is phoning in a couple hours for our session. Wherein she interrogates me, ticking off a list of problems that are overdue for attention, asking how well I have performed, and... ripping at every suppurating wound.
I really do not want to be without any therapist now. Things are very bad for me.
I have tried politely telling her she is constantly triggering me. I get off the phone hurt. I am already consumed by trauma. I can't do this! I don't feel up to getting rid of her. I don't like lying: "Oh, ya, all those things are getting handled, I'm doing great..." It makes me feel even more worthless.
I don't think ducking the call is the solution.
Has anyone been there and has an answer?
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Nothing_but_books
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If you are not feeling comfortable it is better to change therapists. Have you tried trauma therapy?
I think being honest about how you feel is a better way.
Can she help with grounding techniques instead of going through the list?
Talking about problems might not be helpful especially when you are triggered.
When triggered, it is impossible to do therapy work, in my opinion. My therapist stops and we do relaxation/ mindfulness exercises until I am out if the triggered state.
Why the apology? Your advice is clear and helpful. Thank you. I would love to change therapists, but don't feel up to randomly trying this place and that without a clue. More failures to connect stinks.
I am glad you talked to her. It is difficult when someone who is supposed to help you and make you at ease, as it can cause more anxiety and fight/flight/freeze.
I have had a similar experience with being denied trauma therapy. At first they said they didn't have enough money as it is costly to hire a trauma therapist in a public clinic. Then they said I was not strong enough to go through trauma therapy and they said I was beyond help.
I was ready for trauma therapy so I persisted and found a private therapist instead of public clinic and got through trauma therapy with good results.
Then the clinic realized they were wrong so they offered me trauma therapy but I already had a therapist so I continued with her.
It takes persistence, doing your own research and advocating for yourself to get the help you need.
In my personal opinion, if someone is not strong enough, then you do more grounding and relaxation techniques, mindfulness etc to get to that stronger state to start the actual work. Also, some therapies are more confronting than others.
Trauma happens on a deeper level of consciousness and in the body. That's why just talk therapy alone can be sometimes less effective than combining with other modalities.
The bigger the reaction the more grounding and different coping mechanisms are needed, in my opinion.
If it's not possible to face it at all, there are therapies that focus on achieving the best possible level of functioning for a specific person in specific situation and to maintain the level of functioning.
I understand your frustration with catch 22 very well...
I think in my case (but I may be wrong) that they mean I need a safe home to come to after trauma work to heal. I have been told that as long as I am with an abusive husband I am not safe (didn't need a fancy degree to know that). And that means I don't have a space to process and recuperate after trauma work.
It's a dead end. I can't take care of myself. But I am not gung-ho about the therapist's notion of pushing me to have a case manager take over everything. "We're from the government and we're here to help you!" brings up more Orwell for me than illusions of friendship, safety, and comfort.
I could use your feedback. I really liked your notion of ignoring them all, and going after a therapist who WILL help you do trauma work... But are they right in this case, do you think? I do have a very bad, unstable home life.
I agree that safety is a very important part of healing. We need to feel safe to be able to make ourselves more vulnerable in therapy and open up. If the safety is not there, it might be impossible to open up as the trauma response would still continue.
However, I have a different experience that might or might not help, but I share it anyway.
When I started healing, I was in an ongoing trauma situation. I asked several people whether it's possible to heal with ongoing trauma and they said "no".
Ultimately it was up to me to figure out what worked for me in my specific situation. I felt I could heal enough to get stronger and make change my life to not have that trauma, then heal properly. It worked for me but I had to go through another big trauma.
Having therapy can help make you stronger but it isn't an easy path. My personal perspective is just coming from personal experience. Even though I was discouraged from therapy, it actually helped me see things more clearly and start finding my identity again.
I can't say what's appropriate in your situation but listening to your intuition and thinking about what are your recovery goals might help you figure out whether to pursue a trauma therapy.
Timing is important too. I needed to be ready to face things, knowing that it would bring big changes in my life and it's a lot to take. It was the right time for me to start therapy.
I'm really sorry you are in a situation where you need care, that is definitely a difficult consideration.
With support...
To me this doesn't sound good. I don't always know what I want but I certainly wouldn't want a therapist like this. Can you make a list of how your therapist can and needs to help you, and whether she is meeting your needs?
Unfortunately I ended up with a therapist like your lady and was retraumatised....it was horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. A therapy session is a contract whereby a therapist offers a service in order for you, the client, to benefit.
That’s Terrible she should Not be treating you like that. I just got a new therapist, he’s Great, he listens and he let’s me interrupt him if I need to add something. Calm and patient. Can’t you change therapist? I’ve changed several times. You won’t be without one. Be better off without one then being verbally abused. Why don’t you report her? You deserve Better. Things can Only get Worse. Let me know how it’s going? 😷🙏
You've changed several times? How do you pick where to try? Oh, and doesn't it beat h-e-double toothpicks out of you when you try yet another one and it stinks?
Thank you for the "deserve Better"!!
As for letting you know, remember the scarecrow? "If I only had a brain"? Yup. Do my best though.
It’s Not a matter of where to pick, your only allowed so many in your medical group in mine any way. I just keep trying till I find one. You didn’t mention if you did? You sound like Your in desperate need for it. Don’t we All Deaerve Better?
Well, I’m in something called MEDICARE which is for seniors who are 65 and over. We have to join a medical group and from that group there are only so many doctors you can pick from. If you choose from another group you have to pay out of pocket. I’m allowed to change groups once a month. We all have our off days, no worries 😉
Oh. Haven't gotten around to applying for Medicare, so don't know how it works. Nice. ☹️ Thank you government. Take away choices, take away choices... More and more ways to run our lives.
Unfortunately I'm having an "off" life. Self-pity is my specialty.
I do not have this exact experience but I have been through two therapist that I did not like/click with! The woman I am with now is fabulous! I went though a website called Better Help. You answer a bunch of questions and they match you with a therapist. You can message them whenever you want and have one video or phone session a week. What I love most is that there’s a journal section where I can write down how I feel daily, this journal can be shared with your therapist or kept confidential. If your looking for a new place I highly suggest Better Help.
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