Wondering

[live-life]

So PTSD.Is it normal to literally not be able to handle life anymore.How do you get out of it? Therapy?What if some of the abuse is still going on for me?No one understands and would be able to tell that it's a PTSD moment.They just say I am crazy.Get over it.Right now,I am not able to go to church.I feel bad.Hard on myself that I ever acquired PTSD.No one in my Mennonite community could ever know how much even living in this area is possibly a trigger.Therefore,I can hardly LIVE.I don't know.Everything is so confusing.I am mentally/emotionally tired.Someone,please help.Racing thoughts also are wearing me down....Mom tried to help but only succeeds at making it worse.I will stay home from church again today.i feel bad and it only makes me feel worse.About it all.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi live-life,

You are in a very difficult situation being in a very strict environment where you can't get help for PTSD.

I am wondering how many more people you know suffer from it as well but cover it up because they don't want others to know.

It's harder to heal when you are in an I'm going trauma situation but in my personal experience only I was able to start recovering a little bit while the trauma was still continuing.

Do you have any nice places that feel safe, positive, nurturing?

I am thinking out loud. Do you have an access to a phone where you can call one of the crisis helpline or organizations for abuse survivors?

I think finding a way to access a therapist is very important, it is like getting to a doctor. It is very important that you reach out as you are struggling and would benefit from someone who specializes in trauma. Lots on non prpfit organizations would have some help or info available.

I believe that if I didn't leave my environment at age 16 I wouldn't have made it. It was very tough to survive on my own but it was better than what I faced at "home".

Having nurturing, safe environment should be a priority and it is unfortunately the number one issue- how to reach safety.

I wasn't able to handle life anymore either, I couldn't get out of bed for weeks/months, was so sick.

I had no idea at that time that it was PTSD.

It is not your fault that you got PTSD......

This is outside of your control. We didn't choose the place we were born to and the circumstances of our early life.

But you have choices as an adult. You can empower yourself and find what it is that makes you happy, what would your dream home or life be and above all you have the right to feel SAFE.

PTSD is not a mental illness, it is an injury, a reaction of a healthy brain to abnormal circumstances.

Take one moment at a time. Doing breathing excercise might help slow down a bit.

Also just noticing something nice around you and focusing on it for a while might help you shift your focus from trauma to something more positive.

Your Mom probably doesn't understand PTSD. It is quite common that family wants to help but makes things worse while they are trying to help.

Listen to your body. Sounds like you need rest and avoiding triggers right now.

Sending support and hope you find healing...

[live-life in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you.that was very helpful.Yes .it's a bit hard to get that needed rest with demands of family members who don't realize how bad it is or understand.I need to "be still". Accept myself.Ptsd and all.Just focus on the tiniest steps I can do without going crazy mentally.

[Agara33 in reply to live-life]

its hard....kind of a catch-22---your atmosphere is harmful but to get out of it would take a lot of strength. this forum is a really good place to connect to people outside the community you know. you can also email with samaritans.org...or if you are in the uk you can talk to them....it has helped me vent and get things out when there was no one who could handle my situation

[live-life in reply to Agara33]

Thank you.

[Yellow-daffodil]

Hi there, hope you’re doing ok. Yeah finding it impossible to handle things is a part of ptsd. Things can get very overwhelming especially if you’re having racing thoughts a lot.

Having ptsd doesn’t make you weak or crazy, it just means you went though something bad and survived. Like with injuries. It’s not your fault, it’s the abusers fault. I understand how you feel though, I think those things too sometimes.

Are you able to leave the situation and the place you live in? If so I say it would be a good idea to move. If you can’t at the moment and the abuse is bad there might be a domestic abuse shelter near you. I used to stay at the Woman’s aid with my family until we could get our own house and it was quite good. You could also contact the police or get a lawyer to write a restraining order. I know it’s easier said than done but your safety is important.

It’s ok to not attend church if you are feeling bad. Your mental health is important and I’m sure He would understand.

As for therapy there are different kinds you could try like CBT, talking therapy and hypnosis therapy. I’ve heard the last one can be very effective though I have not tried it yet.

Whenever I have episodes I usually go to my room for a while and either do things to relax or let the emotions out. Just remember what you are going though is valid, you went though a lot and your brain is just trying to keep you safe if you think about it. I hope you’re feeling ok

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hi my dear and thank you for reaching out at this time of vulnerability - because I know how hard that may be.You are not crazy and it is certainly understandable that you may wish to not follow up on social events, such as you say going to Church. It's ok to step back, but please try to remain fairly social and not self-isolate too much. With Covid - that's fairly the expected norm now anyway.

I'm sorry that the abuse may still be going on. Are you safe?

It's very important to find security in these times when feeling anxious about PTSD. I would certainly consider a therapist or even confiding in a close, trusted friend.

PTSD is not well understood in the mainstream. That's why the natural response from people not in the know, is "get over it". If you have someone who comprehends what you feel, this can make a huge difference to coping (and healing).

Please don't feel hard on yourself. Mental health crisis, is as they say, a sign that you have been strong for a long time....

and it is no wonder how you feel mentally and emotionally tired right now. Your body/mind are telling you that something needs to change - that being strong is no longer solely enough to cope.

Right now, you are talking about racing thoughts and so, from experience, I know that doing something to help create stability and self-care at this time, will help to ease the anxiety and sense of panic. This self-support process continues throughout and is so important to cultivate. NURTURE your own self... priority!!!!!

Try not to be hard on your mother who is helping you, but I realise this is not easy as this feeling can make one panic and think that nothing will work out nor help.

Yet there is hope. I promise you.

Continue to do things which nurture and support your well-being first and foremost.

We are here for you. We've all experienced similar scenarios of anxiety, panic and triggers. So learning to take life at your own pace, being easy and good to yourself, practicing and maintaining good lifestyle habits [eating well, getting out for exercise, etc] have all played KEY parts in helping to cope.

It might feel an unsurmountable mountain maybe at this time, but it's possible to manage and bring the emotional turmoil under control.

If you need anything, please continue to ask for support here.

If you are in crisis, then please try contacting a support group, even by telephone.

And, certainly, finding a therapist at this stage is something to consider.

Wishing you well and blessings. x

[live-life]

Thank you.yes I have a therapist