How do I learn how to trust someone again?

[EnigmaticMindOfLirio]

I haven't been on here in a long while, so hello everyone.

About a year and a half ago I got out of a bad relationship where my ex was gaslighting me, along with lying, and cheating on me. For nearly two years I put up with it as my mental health deteriorated. I am now free from him, but not too long ago I met a special someone, and we've been together almost four months, but I am still having fears, and my anxiety is spiking from my last relationship, I keep thinking that the same thing will happen all over again... I am seeing a Psychologist, but won't get in for a couple of weeks. I need to be able to trust my new significant other... I can't keep living in the past, and pushing my fears and anxiety off on him... It's putting too much stress on the both of us, and I don't know how to stop it... I don't want to end it with him, because he is very sweet. He's someone I would hate to lose, but I don't want to keep hurting him.

I have some questions, and if anyone has an answer I would very much like to hear it.

Is this normal for people who have been manipulated?

How do you learn how to trust someone all over again?

Should I just end the relationship or push through the hardships and see if it gets better?

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Welcome back, EnigmaticMindOfLirio.

Each situation is different and we can only share from our personal perspective and experience.

I was in a relationship long time ago where I was gaslighted. I had trouble trusting but I was upfront about my past and I also could see how things were different.

Having triggers is something really tough to get through and it is something that affects your partner.

Having a plan to ground yourself and get out of this state is very important.

My idea would be to try to see that this is a different situation and notice the differences. Working with your therapist on feeling safe, recognizing signs that you can see in here & now and knowing when you are triggered.

It is a process and I hope your partner can help you get through this.

It's a chance to change the past and hopefully heal.

Lots of wounds come up during therapy, things from the past and it is really tough but having support can really make a difference.

I get that sometimes it feels like being on your own is the solution but working through triggers and healing in the process is much more rewarding from my experience.

Sending lots of support...

[SuZQ154]

Welcome back! The first step to establishing healthy relationship is admitting we have issues we destructive relationships in the past and then seeking wise counsel.

You seem to be on the right track! You are here! You are going to see a counselor. You are looking for advice. All good!!

Throughout my own divorce and afterwards, a few strategies helped me establish a healthy relationship with my new husband. Divorcecare showed me I was not alone. My church family and friends gave me hope for the future. Exercise, good nutrition, sleep, working, prayer and reading Scripture and Christian books about healthy relationships balanced me body, mind, and spirit. You might want to check out this book. The "Emotionally Destructive Relationship" gives great insights about how to start healthier relationships in the future. bit.ly/2LcwxTM Hope this helps! There is HOPE!