Hello! I’m brand new to this app and I’m glad that I found it! I know that almost everyone has some sort of intimacy issues so I hope that I’m not going to be explaining this incorrectly so that everyone understands. I also hope someone can relate !
So without sharing too much, I have been taught to not trust men from a very young age and it has shown in the years that I’ve been dating. I also have had a pattern of men that a chose that are really not good for me. I am 26 and within the passed two years I have since grown stronger after a TERRIBLE, long and abusive relationship. It took a lot of time to heal but I did and I actually fixed myself a great amount during the process.
After I took time to be single I fell into another unexpected relationship with a man that really did treat me right and helped me excel in all areas of life.
This man ended up cheating on me and it threw me back to how I was before. I took time AGAIN to be single for a year and I unexpectedly am now currently in a relationship with another man. I am over all of my exes but the hurt is still there. This man I am dating now is WONDERFUL and I fear that I am hurting him or pushing him away because of my PTSD. He understands and knows my issues with intimacy and has been there every time I have a “moment”. I am not able to fully enjoy the relationship I am in because my thoughts are back and I am constantly in a state of panic. Is there anyone out there that really struggles with this as well ?
I understand that women that have the same issues as me are pinned as just crazy and want attention and I honestly wish that was the case. Every time he picks up his phone I want to cry IMMEDIATELY and it’s just not fair to both of us. I am actively trying to change for ME.
Edit: please don’t comment on how I should not be in a relationship. I am very self aware of myself and I am worthy of this love that this current man gives me. I am simply looking for people that can relate, maybe help someone along the way that is similar to me and maybe a coping mechanism that someone has successfully used.