I am so overwhelmed by my ptsd symptoms I feel like I often am losing control. I was in a relationship with someone for a year and a half, someone I opened my heart and soul to and he gradually showed himself to be an abusive, pathological liar who not only didn't have my back, but decided to abandon my life altogether, knowing that his family was basically everyone in my life, right before he knew I was having a surgery that put me in a wheelchair. Reflecting on the mental, emotional, sexual abuse-which compounds with the other times I have experienced all of the above- is just too much for me to handle. I don't know what I need. I have a roommate now who had a nice upbringing and close, perhaps too close relationship with his parents. My family is abusive and when they're near they drag me down. I made the brave decision to cut them out because my symptoms were worse keeping them around. It feels hopeless, often. Like I never meet anyone that I can have a deep relationship with. I feel alone all the time. My ability to regulate all of these enormous emotions has been severely compromised because of a lifelong abusive and neglectful father and neglectful and severely gaslighting mother (both parents are extremely sick, codependent and dysfunctional) and my siblings are following suit. I feel alone not only in these feelings, in life also. How unsafe and misunderstood I've always been-by "friends", teachers, doctors. I feel sick of living and tired of waiting for improvements, I work hard and keep an open mind about recovery at every angle. My roommate is completely ignorant and just another young, selfish guy. I'm sick of everything.
Exhausted: I am so overwhelmed by my ptsd... - Heal My PTSD
Exhausted
Maybe time to focus on you.. and taking care of u and knowing who u r.Sounds like ur a pretty good person,who needs to find what makes u happy again.Plus..ur never alone if ur hear with us here 
I'm sorry to hear this DZRM and how you feel let down by others. It can be true that we can misplace our trust in others and it can be a terrible blow when they let us down. So I'm sorry...
My instant gut reading your post, was just look out for yourself and try to focus on being a good enough person for yourself...
I then read that Hidden has written something along similar lines.
The reason I say this, is from personal experience.
We can rely so much on getting good energy back from others... maybe having great expectations.
But where I was concerned, I had to start learning my own boundaries and finding my own way - so that I was less reliant on the fluctuating currents that came from being around others - be they people I just met, or others whom I had known a long time or who are part of my family.
It's ok to do this. Self-resilience is ok and self-prioritising oneself is ok too. It's about finding the right balance which will work for oneself.
I had to do this because relying on the world to bring me what I needed just never panned out how I needed it to!
So I had to stop searching for "it" outside of me and to look to finding deeper happiness and meaning within the bountiful resources that I had... and just giving gravity and gratitude to those strengths and skills - rather than I guess, taking them for granted.
Having PTSD made me realise, I could not always be superwoman and had to acknowledge the weaker sides of me and to learn to accept them better and more.
I had to learn to have my own back, not just everyone else's.
It's hard. But sometimes necessary! Sometimes we do feel as if we have super-love to give and just want to keep on pursuing that infinite outcome of potential - of potentially "good!"
It also helped me get a sense of personal control back. I began by doing simple routines, which helped reiterate/remind/enforce what daily TLC looked like and meant. So, helping to bring me back down to a grounded level.
It has been hard to readjust - stubborness to let go of those 'super-powers,' yet also reassuring, as I realise that there is an intrinsic part of me who dwells and lives STILL... despite all of this PTSD and drama.
I guess it is about learning to put the drama in perspective and continue to live a decent honest kind and loving life..... for me anyway
Wishing you peace and blessings...
That's a fabulous post. Well done for expressing such positive views so clearly. 😀🌸
Thank you Marnie22. That's a really lovely positive sentiment and I appreciate it very much x
xx
trauma from hosptals
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