Need your help

[samack]

I've been ill with depression for a few years now. It has kept me isolated and socially phobic. I am in trauma therapy now and on meds. I have no interest in anything anymore. I asked this question on someone else's post..

I have not been engaged with life, l live alone,62, no children, no job, no hobbies, no joke. Deep trauma . When I go out to try and socialize, I literally have nothing to say. I hate small talk but I'm fine with neutral topics. But everyone has a busy life, and have family of some kind and are out having fun. What can I possibly answer when these questions get asked? I feel like crying. I used to not be phobic and used to have normal social skills so that isn't the problem.

What would you do?

[LonelyHeart22]

I would find some hobbies and build a life for myself. You said you have no children...Did you want children and life just never worked out for it? Consider being a foster parent. If that's too much, consider sponsoring a child through Save the Children or your local social services agency. Its like having a child without actually having a child. You can brag about your sponsored child and say that you are a Sponsor Parent, Its fun you get to financially support the child and also buy gifts for them at birthdays and holidays. Work on YOU. Consider EMDR for your deep trauma, it works! I am Prazosin for PTSD, Its not great but it does help with flashbacks. I wish the best for you and I am here to talk to and support you, Message me anytime. I am a 35 yr old woman, married with two cats and one 16 yr old daughter, my only child. I live in Orlando FL, USA. Just so you know a little about me. I love to read and craft, looking forward to hearing from you!

[Agara33 in reply to LonelyHeart22]

I don’t think her issue is not having children, but many things together

[samack in reply to LonelyHeart22]

Thanks LH. I am not needing to be around children, unless they're animal children LOL. I too love to read and craft, just have little interest to and feel sad about that. I will message you, but about your crafts!🐶

[LonelyHeart22 in reply to samack]

Welcome. I am here anytime.

[Agara33]

I’m sorry for your pain, to answer your question what would you do-I would find a person, a therapist who I truly feel is with me, with real respect and love to navigate this difficult period of your life, and honestly face the difficult realities and bravely do the best you can because you are still alive. That is the thing I think I need and want the most and also deserve…we all do. I don’t know if you can relate. With love, until you find your way

[samack in reply to Agara33]

Thank you Zo.

[BrainIsFull]

Hi. First of all, I am sorry that you are suffering. 💚

I can relate to your feelings of isolation and not enjoying things. Also being in social situations and just not having anything to say.

When you ask, " what would you do?" I am not sure what you mean exactly so my answer may be off base. I suppose that I would ask for help. It sounds to me like you need someone to help you move forward. I would meet with my therapist. I would meet with the psychiatrist. If I needed to then I would do inpatient treatment. It all souds really simple when I am writing it but of course it's not. I usually don't get help until I have come to a sort of breaking point and I see no other way. I guess that's something to work toward- recognizing the signs sooner and acting.

[samack in reply to BrainIsFull]

yes, I mean in social situations what to do. Thanks Bif.,

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi samack,

I'm very sorry to hear about how much you are struggling. I understand it might not feel like speaking to anyone but maybe finding an interest or even joining a walking group in your neighbourhood could be a start. I think there are many people out there who live alone and they would like to just be around someone at least from time to time. I know it can be scary but perhaps can be exciting too.

You don't have to talk about anything related to your trauma, just being around others on a quiet walk could bring some sense of togetherness for a little bit.

I understand if it's not helpful right now though.

Sending you support...

[samack in reply to Nathalie99]

it was a walking group that I was having difficulty described above. As always thanks Nathalie.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to samack]

I am so sorry to hear that...

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Depression is a horrible place to inhabit. I lived for many many years in that space. Metaphorically I don’t pack a suitcase when I inhabit that space once again (I have a diagnosis form a psychiatrist of severe clinical depression). In my mind I see myself every time I am in the depressed space again as a traveller in a journey an d I keep my eyes firmly focused on the end of that journey and out the end of the tunnel.I have found being with people in a space where I can choose to interact or not, the best place to be when I’m in the depressed tunnel. What I mean by this is I can go to the pool, but the biggest place/space for me is a creative space I attend. Here I can work on my art piece, I can talk or not as I do this and continue with my art piece so it takes a bit of the focus off me.

I try hard not to Mark time in the depression space as this only elongates the depREssive episodes I have.

I also have a little dog and I take her for walks at either the beach or riverbank daily when weather permits (we are in winter here).

In the last I would just stay in bed, eat whatever, and avoid life for very long periods of time but I found this both made the depths of my depression much worse (often to the point of a suicide attempt) and made the episode much much longer.

I. Am now oftentimes able to exploRe what is happening in my world and see there are reasons I have fallen into depression and have compassion for myself at the same time as seeking further treatment from a medical professional.

The final thing I do is continue with the routines I had prior to this current episode. It’s far easier to give into depression than it is to fight back. But for me giving in is not an option and it steals life away from me,

[BrainIsFull in reply to Lindyloo53]

I agree that continuing routines, even while depressed, is a good plan. I often feel like I am just imitating life, just going through the motions like a robot or half-person. But it has better results than simply stopping everything. It is really hard to force yourself to keep on going! I just want to sleep! But I'm going to keep on going. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[samack in reply to BrainIsFull]

Interesting. I thought I was the only one that felt half robot when I try to go out. Ok.

[samack in reply to Lindyloo53]

Very good ideas. I hope with some new skills I'm learning i will start getting out there like that. Yes sometimes the feelings get so low it feels like nothing is worth it. Hard to fight that.

I

[BrainIsFull in reply to samack]

That and my panic of being alone/abandoned are probably the worst parts of this. Or some of the hardest. Actually, in thinking about it right now, it is all all pretty freaking hard. 😆

We are all really f*cking strong for not giving up! We keep on going even while our brains tell us to just give up. (And *while* we're "going" our inner critic chimes in with "helpful" messages like "You're a really shitty person"). Actually it's a miracle that we all keep on going! 😳

[samack in reply to BrainIsFull]

You are so right. I think anyone else would have ended this long ago . I don't know yet if its worth all the struggle, but on I go. It is a miracle. Sometimes we look to others for answers. And sometimes we just want to hear that someone is walking next to you on the healing path.

[Wantstobewell]

I believe in starting relationships with integrity you can tell folks a simple I haven’t been well yet here I am. I have personally done some study of personal energy and movement and find it interesting when I observe others how many times it’s correct with respect to relating to others with that being said you can either choose to enjoy your time within right now and embrace it as a journey or force yourself to say hi to others. Me personally I rarely believe in forced relationships and my beliefs in God is strong so I think it’s Gods will and it’s a season of less interactions with others. Some people arnt meant to be with many others and also enjoy any acquaintances you have appreciate those.