Self-Absorption

[js_k]

I have been pondering on my tendency to be very self-preoccupied. I honestly don’t know where it came from. I want to work on it because I feel guilty and ashamed when I talk about myself too much but it’s challenging to work on it because I don’t know the roots behind this tendency. Lots will say self-absorbed people are selfish. Honestly though, I am struggling with negative thoughts about myself. When I listen to people I feel like I have to give so much energy and my mind will wanders automatically. But when I talk about myself I feel like being accepted and validated. Partly because I feel like I’m struggling to find self-acceptance.

People seems hurt and I can tell from their faces when I failed to listen to them. I don’t want to keep on being like this so please any advice is welcomed!

[Nom-D-Ploom]

I don't know, but I remember that in labor when the child is about to be born we become very self-conscious. Maybe it is a thing you are birthing? A stronger self?

[js_k in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Wow this is a very interesting way of seeing it. I never heard such a unique perspective before. Thx a lot!

[Agara33]

Maybe you have had a period when you have been very neglected and need that attention for yourself now, seeing a therapist would be a balanced way of doing that without it playing out in your personal life..

[js_k in reply to Agara33]

Yess I think this is the case for me. Been searching for therapist but it’s expensive so I journal instead. Thank you for your thoughts I appreciate it so much

[Agara33 in reply to js_k]

Some times there are organizations or government resources to get cheaper sessions...

[Hidden]

"Just practice good, do good for others, without thinking of making yourself known so that you may gain reward. Really bring benefit to others, gaining nothing for yourself. This is the primary requisite for breaking free of attachments to the Self."

Eihei Dogen; Shobogenzo; c. 1238

[js_k in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, perhaps I should go back to volunteer and see

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hey there. I know from experience that trauma and/or depression can make us go through a period of deep introspection and feel self-absorbed - because we just want to feel better and work it out!

Most life scenarios involve us 'bouncing ideas' off each other, so when it comes to deep health issues, it can feel hard to realise that people don't want to know too much - this can make us feel as if we are in it on our own - and thus, self-absorbed maybe?

I don't see it as a negative at all. It is all about trying to work out deep and complex ideas and thoughts. These days, of course, society expects that sort of deep social interplay to take place on the couch of a therapist and, not within our close knit social circles. It's a shame I feel, that this is the case. I've found that finding one or two really committed and trustworthy, understanding and supportive social connections [in my case, my mother and a cousin] has played the role I need to express myself truly and freely.

I hope that you too find somebody/several people who can support you well and not judge you for being stuck or without direction...That can be harmful.

[js_k in reply to SavingGrace]

Oh my...can it be more accurate? I can relate to what you’re saying...100%! I’m so happy for you that you have people in your life who are willing to listen as you are trying to process what happened. It only takes 1 or two people to make a huge difference yea? I see. I appreciate your comment