Outrage

Sometimes when people wrong me, the sense of outrage is uncontrollable.

I'm old enough to know now 

how to control it, 

& filter it through a more objective lense. 

Still these emotions hold power.

My mind goes on autopilot. 

& repeats negative ruiminations. 

& I could feel the bitterness burning a hole...

Through where my soul once was. 

Lately I have not had the impetus to write.  

But I do now. 

Blessing in disguise?

Honestly?

I would rather not deal with the drama. 

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  • The problem is that the rage, no matter how right it is generally only hurts us.  May feel good to get it out, but there are often negative consequences.

    Several months ago, my wife and I were out on a walk on a trail and were attacked by a pit bull mix.  the owner was back a ways.  If you've ever seen an extreme viscous attack picture of a pit, that would be the one.  I've dealt with vicious dogs before to know how to get it to hesitate and respond against the attack.  You basically have to fight for your life.

    The owner came around the corner to see it all and called the dog off just before I was about to plant it.  He was a police offer (who is in trouble for being aggressive).  He threatened to take me down and  break every bone in my body.  I screamed at him to get his dog under control and he came at me. I stepped toward him, by now in full combat mode, by eyes staring into his neck (he was a large guy and buff).  All the time the dog is at my back.  He threatened me again (and called me old- he's about 20 years younger) and said I didn't know what I was getting into.  In rage I screamed that he didn't know what he was messing with (PTSD) and a huge adrenaline rush.  Next a young woman jogger was the next target for the dog which he promptly called off and got some space between the two of us.  He knew I was enraged and wasn't backing down.  I was also within my legal right at that point to throw the first blow.  He backed down and left.

    In my rage did I feel righteous?  You bet I did.

     Was my reaction the right thing to do?  I don't know, but I do know it could have become ugly. I also get strong reactions to aggressive tail gaiters and know I need to handle things better.  But oh the rage and releasing it feels oh so good...at the time.

  • I didn't release my rage but I could have. It no longer controls me, I don't hold onto it longer than necessary, Channeling it into exercise or writing.

    When feeling immediately threatened yes it's hard to turn it off.  We have a right to defend ourselves, & under the right circumstance, I may not want to control it at all. 

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