Betrayal compounds ptsd

A now former friend of mine who is lesbian ...I am not ...reported to my military command that I was suicidal. Now my command is making me submit to all kinds of exams and may lose my security clearance because of her. She knew it would turn my world upside down. Now not only have I now lost my friend, I may lose my job....and my command tells me not to call her or speak to her as it will make things worse for me. I feel so backed into a corner betrayed and manipulated. And the bottom line is I was NOT suicidal....but since she reported it that way that's the way they are processing it. I am sooooooooooooooo angry.

19 Replies

  • I am so sorry you have been let down by this person, she obviously has issues to deal with and I feel sorry for her as she has lost your friendship which I'm sure will hurt her more than you

    Now anger is normal but you have gather yourself and breath... you need to be thinking clearly be poised and strong dealing with the situation. Remember mental health issues are not understood by people who don't have them, they assume we are either gibbering wrecks or suicidal they always need to be reassured that we are neither.

    Learn from this.. and be stronger next time someone screws you over it happens but you are strong enough to deal with it

    I wish you the very best of luck,

    Hugs Sue

  • Hi

    Betrayal is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. Even those who are so called mentally sound. I am medically retiring from a high risk job due to PTSD. It is amazing how quickly people forget you and the times you were there for them in high risk situations. It is also very apparent that most people do not understand PTSD and the many effects it has on everyday life. I considered myself very strong proud mother of three beautiful grown up sons. Now I don't know who I am or what I am going to do. I am not suicidal just feel hopeless helpless my condition is dictating my life. Someone please explain to me why I am a wreck with no control over my physical body, mind and why I self harm. Typing this is very hard and my body is beginning to shake. Oh and I am starting to cry AGAIN! Which makes me very angry mostly with myself.


  • Margaret55. You will find out that a lot of us on here really hate to cry. I for one, despise it. It's ok for other people but not for me. It too makes me angry, and I feel weak, and in my world nothing good ever really came of it. Just a snotty nose, red eyes, and complete exhaustion.

    (Trigger warning) Dogmom. Sorry to hear of such a betrayal. I think some people are too quick to judge who is or isn't suicidal. They don't think of the ramifications for the other person, if they are wrong. I think they do it because they don't want the responsibility of all the what if's. Just make nice, and jump through all the hoops they will ask you to do. I would use my anger to get me through the time like that, it can be a helpful little feeling. I know even as a non military person, once you are tagged with "suicide" it follows you everywhere. Pops up in places you would never think it would, years, and year, later. Just when I think or don't think about it anymore, it pops up, in your face. It's like the unforgivable sin in my world. I always ask myself, "how long am I going to have to pay for my mistakes?" Apparently for the rest of my life. Which really sucks!

  • Hi

    Trusting someone is not a mistake. I think we are at risk of thinking others have the same values of loyalty. They clearly do not. High risk employment has a shelf life and I am accepting I have reached mine. However, it is obvious all that you do and have done does not matter. There is always someone of "sound mind" to replaces us. I wish you well and good health. Hope we can talk again.


  • Hey

    I'm trying to think of so many things to make you feel better. As usual i am failing. I can say that generally the people I meet with our issues are very decent and loving people who have suffered something traumatic. Sometimes not just an isolated incident many of which are forgotten and resurface. I understand but do not know how to make you feel better. Which is not surprising as I cannot help myself.


  • Margaret55, It's ok if we don't have all the answers to everything. Take a breath, you have been here a short time, cut yourself some slack, sounds like that is something you don't often do? Rome wasn't built in a day, and you're not failing. Take some time to "get to know" the people behind the post, the words will come naturally. You can't force Empathy, it just happens, and then the words will come out, and out, and out! Trust me US ramblers know! ;) I would disagree that you can't help yourself. I think you finding this forum, is a step in helping yourself. You are seeking out information, to help yourself. That is HUGE! That alone takes courage. Settle in, you're in for a very helpful, positive first step.


  • Thanks so much...never thought about suicide as a label ORstigma....everyone is always encouraging people to be on the lookout for suicide to help people but then you get punished if you reach out. Crazy making. The former friend who reported I was suicidal had a brother that committed suicide....I don't have any friends or family so it will never follow me there...but work...I hate the military to the max....wish I had never heard of the military...I'm civilian so I can quit anytime....which will be this week! I'm a lawyer with two law degrees and they treat me like a third class citizen....and have for the last 17 years. Was trying to make it to retirement 3 more years but to hell with it. All they do is retraumatize me...they are no better than the stranger who beat and raped me and left me for dead. I hate them. All it is is a paycheck for me. They've sucked the soul out of me for the last time. I'm DONE.

  • Sending you virtual hugs M, I hope your day improved and as one who reads your advice to others I know you are not hopeless and helpless.xx

  • Thank you so much. I understand us more than anyone just not sure what to do with it


  • Oh wow, this is betrayal with a big B. I would totally understand if you were suicidal and had stated that as I worked in mental health and this was the only confidence I wouldn't keep but I made sure people knew that before speaking to me. The reason for my not keeping this confidential was that I value people and have known many to recover from that suicidal place and be grateful for the medical intervention. I am also one of these people so I see it from both sides. However in your case you may have only been off loading and not indicating any suicidality intentions s you say you weren't. In this case I would keep the confidence and would expect others to keep mine. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I don't think the persons sexuality, had anything to do with it, it had to do with her misreading what she had heard or putting her own spin on it.

  • Thank you....I think her sexuality does play a factor. She calls me a redneck because I like men....she is totally into power and control....she's tried to one up me for the last ten years. I finally told her off just before this incident and she played it just to show me how much power she had over me. She's a very vindictive lesbian....has let the air out of tires keyed cars of her ex lovers.....I'm a lawyer and she always trying to one up me by showing what a great lawyer she would be if she had a law degree. I will believe til the day I die that she

    Reported this incident and blew it out of proportion to get back at me. She made the person she initially reported it to to promise not to tell me she reported me. After hours on the phone with my commanding officer finally my CO asked her directly and she admitted it. All after I had asked her directly 5 times if she was the one. She just flat out lied to me. This makes me HATE a people to the core. I'll do my job to help my clients but personally I want nothing to do with people in my personal life....ever again. Just my dogs. Well....and maybe a really cute guy if one comes along!

  • I don't understand the term red neck. Does this mean she sees you as hetrosexual and she isn't? It seems you k now her and her ways much more than I do. Here having or being suicidal would not be any reason someone would loose a job in fact it would be classed stigma and discrimination to do that and the person would be able to take am resonant grievance out with their employer on those grounds.

  • Personal grievance I mean

  • Haha! Sorry....I use the term redneck to mean someone who loves country living is very independent and not one to try and impress the social classes....kind of a rebel and NOT liberal....usually from the South but not necessarily. Unfortunately the military views anyone who is suicidal as a threat to national security so they will take your security clearance and therefore your job. They have all these suicide awareness programs to act like they care but then if you do reach out for help, they punish you. It's crazy.

  • Ok thanks for explaining the term redneck. I'm from New Zealand and that's a new term to me.

    I hope in the end you are vindicated from her vindictive words about you. Warm hugs to you as you tred this journey.

  • Sounds a bit Narcissistic to me. She does that is. When people call me a redneck, I just reply, why yes, I have been out in the sun all day working on my tan! Thank you. I am partial to animals myself. Animals in general love you unconditionally, and with no motive, usually. Although, they always know when it's time to eat, they find me and start acting all cute, and start "talking" to me. There will always be people in this world who.. Well suck! I can't find another word to describe them. Sorry if that offends anyone. Seems to me the reason this person is the ways she is would be. One she sucks! Sorry. Two, she is narcissistic, and three she feels threatened by you, and that makes her feel inferior. She apparently has never been taught an appropriate way to respond to her inferiority complex. Just my take on it. I could be way off, and often am.

  • are right on. That's it. She is very narcissistic. She's always bragging about how good she is at her many awards she many people she supervises how many people she assists. She used to give me orders like I worked for her...I never said anything over the years because I was afraid of something just like this. I knew it. I finally told her she wasn't as important as she thinks she is....and by golly she sure showed me! She'll get me fired. She's retired military and one of "them" and I'm not. Can't wait to get AWAY from the military. Oh well.....luckily I don't ever see her ...hopefully I will never see her again.

    Thank you for your insight!!!

  • You're welcome. I hope you find some peace after this is all over.

  • Whoa, talk about a sensitive topic... But I'll be honest - I can see both sides of it. Its quite possible that your former friend took what you said out of context, or misinterperted it. It would have been better to clarify what you meant BEFORE she went to your CO. I've heard of people in the military doing this kind of thing out of jealousy when they didn't get a promotion that they thought THEY deserved, but their friend did. I'm sorry this happend to you, and thank you for all that you do. I don't think we appreciate our military service men & women half as much as we should, or take enough opportunities to thank them.

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