SURVIVING RELATIVES

[recoveryisfirst]

I HAVE LEARNED THAT DENIAL DOES NOT WORK WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIVES. I TRIED FOR 20 YEARS TO CREATE A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SISTER. I MADE LIGHT OF HER SEEMLY SNIDE COMMENTS AND DETATCHED BEHAVIOR. I AM THE OLDEST AND DECIDED TO APOLOGIZE -MORE THEN ONCE- FOR NOT BEING A KIND BIG SISTER WHEN WE LIVED AT HOME. I STAYED IN TOUCH A COUPLE OF TIMES A MONTH FOR YEARS. EVEN WHEN MY CALLS DIDN'T SEEM WELCOME, I DECIDED I WOULD WIN HER OVER WITH KINDNESS. NOT ONLY DIDN'T IT WORK, BUT AT THE TIME OF MY MOTHERS DEATH, I FOUND OUT THAT SHE AND HER HUSBAND ACTUALLY HATE ME. OMG! I WAS SO SHOCKED! WHEN I SAT DOWN AND CONSIDERED THEIR BEHAVIOR OVER THE YEARS, IT BECAME QUITE OBVIOUS. I CHOSE NOT TO SEE IT. SO FIRST I SUGGEST REALLY TAKING A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR RELATIVES BEHAVIOR. IF THEY DON'T SHOW YOU LOVE... WALK AWAY--SAVE YOURSELF. IF THEY DO SEEM TO LOVE YOU AND ARE JUST THE DISGRUNTLED TYPE, STUDY THE FOUR AGREEMENTS BEFORE YOU GO, AND TAKE A COPY WITH YOU. THIS WILL ENABLE YOU TO GET THRU RELATIVELY--PUN INTENDED-- UNSCATHED. PEOPLE ARE REFLECTIONS OF OURSELVES. IF WE DON'T LIKE THEM, ITS AN INDICATOR WE DON'T LIKE THAT ABOUT OURSELVES. SO LOVE THEM, NO MATTER WHAT, AND REMEMBER YOUR TEACHER IS ALWAYS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. GOOD LUCK !! COMPASSION IS A KEY AND IT BEGINS IN ME.. FOR ME..AND THEN WAFTS OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE..

[red85]

Thank you very much for posting this.

[sianr]

Great post family can be destructive to our life depending on how we accept their behaviour, it depends on your individual experience ,and for that reason I'm not sure I agree with people are a reflection of ourselfs and if we don't like them it's an indicator of what we don't like about ourselfs.

[GeminiDancer Major Contributor]

Agree. It's very difficult to see our family for what they really are. It usually takes years or decades to truly see them as they are. I had to walk away to save myself from virtually my entire family at a very young age. Despite making that incredibly difficult and brave decision, I still clung to illusions of the two closest to me who died when I was a young adult. Even without them here physically, I still bought into their lies (subconsciously) and held myself back not wanting to

" break away from or betray my tribe". I didn't want to be disloyal to them which included their delusions and lies and negative energy. Just recently have I truly realized how I've abandoned my true inner self (and inner child) all my life in the continuous struggle to win their love and non stop attempt to fit in and be accepted by them. But in the end it never works. Whether they're dead or alive.

I'm hoping this realization finally opens the door to accept myself as my true self and love myself instead of denying myself waiting for them to love me. How tragic that it's taken me this long. Better late than never.