challenges at Work

[Shnookie]

I’m a concierge/receptionist at a Senior Independent Living Community. Unfortunately, there is a female resident with severe mental health issues who is off her meds. Management has not intervened with the assistance of her case manager to provide her anothervvvbbbbbb byi I already have ADHD and can be hypersensitive. The resident’s behavior has traumatized me. I’m already under extreme stress and cannot look for another job. Thank you for letting me vent.

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

Shoonkie

I'm so sorry to read about this stress you are under.

It doesn't seem right that no one is stepping in for the sake of the patient as well as the staff.

I'm not familiar with how things work in this setting.

It's very concerning that you are being traumatized by this resident. I'm going out on a limb and saying they are probably not supporting the staff? I hate to say that but I know how unsupportive management can be.

I know you work two jobs so your down time is minimal. Is there any way to limit exposure to this resident? Are you seated in an area that she frequents or is she causing problems in common areas of the facility

Can you step away if she's starting to upset you? Go into the ladies room and take some deep breaths.

There is a typo in your post I think? I'm not sure what that says

It's good to vent. We are here for you

❤️🐬

[Shnookie in reply to Dolphin14]

Hi it’s S. Yes there was a typo. I meant providing the resident with an alternative living arrangement away from the Senior Living Community. I am basically a receptionist so I can’t leave the desk. Last week she slammed a tray of food on the desk in front of me. Then she sent me flowers ! Because she sorry she did that. Also residents, caregivers and dining servers R always telling me about her disruptive behavior. As usual thank you for your support

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Shnookie]

If the staff is all noticing this then the residents are noticing it also. I wonder if the residents complained would more action be taken.

Paper trails are very important with these occurrences. I would suggest documenting via email to your manager.

Do you have a therapist? If you do you should speak to them about this work stress and have it documented there as well.

[Shnookie in reply to Dolphin14]

I have sent many e-mails to my supervisor and the executive director about what is going on with the resident with the severe mental health issues. My supervisor told me that she would speak with the big boss when she returns from vacation. I don’t have a therapist now. One of the residents who has complained to management who lives next door to the disturbed resident told me that she spoke to my supervisor. She told my supervisor that she was thinking of moving out if the situation didn’t change. My supervisor simply said to her TOO BAD. This is not the proper response.

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Shnookie]

WOW..... no that is not a proper response. There's not much support there for anyone.

Paper trails are good to have even if nothing is addressed at that moment. If something happens down the line you can show your communication reports. The documentation can become very important at some point.

That's why I asked about a therapist. Having your stress level documented by a professional could benefit you if you needed to take time off for personal reasons etc

[Shnookie in reply to Dolphin14]

This is an excellent point you make. Unfortunately, in my position, it’s always coverage at the front desk. Fortunately, they have hired a concierge for the weekends for the 3 PM to midnight shifts. I have told my supervisor that I have had some anxiety issues. Didn’t want to bring it up but something’s where I work are out of hand. I’m going to make notes in my cell phone.

[Mamamichl in reply to Shnookie]

Unfortunately, they can’t usually kick out residents for their behavior. However, there definitely should be better support, like restraint/de escalation training, more staff around that is trained better, admin that are well trained and able to assist if contacted, and maybe even security.

[Shnookie in reply to Mamamichl]

Unfortunately, where I work, they are not going to hire extra staff. They don’t have security. If she acts threatening toward others or wants to harm herself then I can call the cops.

[Mamamichl in reply to Shnookie]

Well, you do have to decide whether or not this position is therapeutic and emotionally safe enough for you. Trauma does happen in certain jobs, but if it does, there must be teamwork.

[Shnookie in reply to Mamamichl]

There is teamwork during the day. But my shift is 3 PM - midnight. I don’t have support at night. It took me 6 months to find my current job. I’ve been here for 19 months. I’m not mentally prepared to look for another job now.

[Mamamichl in reply to Shnookie]

Is there a way you can request to work during the day?

[Shnookie in reply to Mamamichl]

Impossible. There already is a daytime concierge.

[Mamamichl in reply to Shnookie]

Darn. Do any of the daytime want to work your shift? If not, 🤷‍♀️ I have no idea what else you can do. I’m sorry.

[Shnookie in reply to Mamamichl]

Please don’t be sorry. It feels so good to have the support of this group. I hope when I return to work on Monday there won’t be too much drama

[Mamamichl in reply to Shnookie]

Christmas time tends to be the hardest time of year for many people. I appreciate having the support in this group too.

[Shnookie in reply to Mamamichl]

I totally understand

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Shnookie,

I am sorry that you have been in this situation with such an immense stress. I have not worked in this role so I can only empathising and imagine from my experience taking care of my own family members in the past, which is different.

The stress you are under is terrible. I think that it is a very challenging role in and the responsibility to begin with, but then to have such an very triggering situation and not be sure if this is going to repeat, is way more.

I know you work so very hard and I feel for you.

Do you have another coworker that you can confide in so that you feel safer, not alone with this situation?

Does anyone assist you in these more challenging situations?

Having another person to have as a backup might help as you are not facing it alone.

Wishing that things will get better and that the resident will be able to start her medication.

I am so sorry you have so much stress. We are here for you...

[Shnookie in reply to Nathalie99]

Hi. It’s S. Thank you so much for your support. My shift as a concierge is from 3 PM to midnight, M-F. I only have back up from 3 PM to 6 PM the latest, when my supervisor or boss is there. At night, from 6 PM - Midnight, I’m by myself. I can call my supervisor if it is a challenging situation. But I doubt if she will come to the facility. If things get really bad, like this resident in the past knocking on neighbors doors and threatening to kill herself, I can call 911 - emergency number in the U.S. and then the police will come.

[Mamamichl in reply to Shnookie]

that shift is a tough one sometimes. Are there cameras that you can point your supervisor to watch to see how dangerous the situation is? I would start looking for work elsewhere if you feel unsafe. Counseling too if you can. This could be considered secondary trauma (trauma for caregivers). Are there nurses still around at that time? Maybe you can speak with them about supporting you in the moment. I got the teacher next door’s phone number so I could contact if something happened.

[Shnookie in reply to Mamamichl]

I work in an INDEPENDENT senior living community. There are no nurses here. That would be for assisted living. There is an assisted living facility across the way from my facility. The resident with the severe mental health problems off meds should not be living where I work.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Shnookie]

Hi Shnookie,

I think it's important that you have a sense of safety in your workplace and that you can call your supervisor.

I am so sorry that you are alone between 6 pm and midnight. It is frightening.

I hope that the supervisor can provide more staff and maybe have some support services for the employees that deal with triggering situations as it can lead to a burnout.

You have support here... xx

[Shnookie in reply to Nathalie99]

Unfortunately, no more staff will be provided for the evening shift. They R thinking. About possibly hiring a maintenance tech. Unfortunately m, there R no support services here. I’ve had more issues with my ADHD issues since I went on Temp Psych Disability in November 2019 for a year. I’m lucky that I have this job now.

[Mamamichl]

welcome! I had to disown my elderly father for similar triggering behaviors. He said he needed help on the farm and then proceeded to verbally assault us weekly. He made us homeless after it finally triggered my partners ptsd that we talked to him about countless times. People are telling me this is common.

I had a friend that was in your shoes ho literally had to go to another elderly facility because management just didn’t support. She found another position in a nearby elderly housing facility. My principal also didn’t support us in my special Ed classroom, so I’m moving somewhere else. This position only lasted 4 months, but the place I’m going has a ton of support. It’s the support that keeps us safe both physicslly and emotionally.

For you, i would be a squeeky wheel. Tell them daily you need more support. Either they will call you a wuss and you know it’s time to leave, or they will start helping you out more.

[Shnookie in reply to Mamamichl]

I send them e-mails all the time. I cannot look for another job now. I might need to move from my apartment in the next few months. Mentally, I’m not prepared to look for a new job n

[Mamamichl in reply to Shnookie]

I can respect that. If you have to call the cops multiple times a night, do it. Worst case scenario is the cops get mad and tells your employer they need to do a better job keeping you safe.

[Shnookie in reply to Mamamichl]

Sounds good to me b

[kenster1 Volunteer]

one of my aunties was in a hospital for dementia another woman on the ward was like the wing bully who`d take cigarettes treats money the lot off elder patients like my aunt. one day/night she was found covered in bruises we suspect it was the wing bully but no action was taken as we had no proof and my aunt didn`t really recover. she had a chain with a cross worth a few grand and that vanished as well these places need to do more for everyone`s safety patients and staff alike.

[1Mechanic]

Hey,

I’ve been in very similar situations that you are in. I know what you are going through. At one point, get this, my property managers wanted the front doors to the building to remain unlocked. This building was located right by a baseball stadium, an open park where beer festivals would happen, and not far from a soccer stadium. This very nice, but highly stressed weekend concierge had to deal with future residents walking in, homeless people walking in, people running from drug dealers, drunks from the festivals walking in, and if it was raining the stadium goers.

Numerous emails were sent about security issues or lack thereof. And they didn’t care! There would be times when she would call me up on my hard earned day off asking for help. She had very serious concerns! So I took mattes into my own hands. I locked the doors myself. As if that wasn’t enough, her cell phone didn’t work in the package room. The package room was right next to her desk. It was her only safe place to run to. Management didn’t care about that either. I got her a longer phone cord. So she could take her desk phone into the room. She would do that too. She would answer the phone while in the package room. She could still peek out and keep an eye on things.

It’s wrong. How management just doesn’t care about us. I sometimes wonder if they have a soul.

My advice to you is as follows:

1. Document. Document. Document. The best way of doing this is either to email your manager and/ or yourself. I have had employment lawyers tell me this. I asked why email myself? Why not just hand write them? They said it holds more wait in the legal realm of things, because it gets time stamped. Therefore, they know that document is legit and it was done with the event very fresh in your mind.

Emails to managers are very damning. They need to act and act quickly when this stuff goes on. If not, then legally, they are going to be in trouble.

2. Reach out to a lawyer that is an expert in employment law. Here is where it gets complicated and even more stressful. Take a breath. They can get this to stop. Take one more deep breath please, if you can.

You mentioned that you have anxiety and an out of control resident is inflaming your anxiety symptoms. Anxiety is considered a disability. Therefore, in the USA you are protected under the ADA act. A lawyer, who specializes in employment law, can protect you. The lawyer will not be talking to your idiot bosses either. The lawyer would be talking either to HR or to the company’s lawyer. What they say and do will trickle down. It will set your idiot managers straight.

It will protect you and possibly help this poor resident with the proper care too.

3. Always keep it about the good and betterment of the company you work for. Never make it about you. Yes, say it’s affecting your work and productivity, but also say that you strive to serve all of the residents and you struggle doing that when food trays are getting thrown at you.

This is a very tough situation you are in. I would like to share one more thing I went through just a few months ago. Please permit me to share this:

A few months ago I got promoted within my company. I was ecstatic! Very happy! My new boss though. He wouldn’t give me the access I needed to enter all of the rooms. I couldn’t complete my work orders on time because of it. He wouldn’t give the materials I needed to fix things either. Barely gave me enough tools. And my work desk was on top of an under counter refrigerator. Needless to say, after a couple of weeks he calls me into his office. He called my colleague in there too. And then he starts yelling at me. Pointing a dry erase marker at me. My colleague ended up blocking my exit. And all of this was after I told him that I have an anxiety condition. The yelling went on for thirty minutes. The meeting finally ended, but I needed about three hours to pull myself together before I could even do work on that day.

The next day he calls me into his office again. And again with my colleague. I said no. Over text, so I was documenting, I told him that I have a condition. This condition affects me when I’m hearing yelling in close quarters, things pointed at me in close quarters, and my exit being blocked. It just got louder then. All over text. It just got louder. I asked to move the meeting to a conference room. And I asked that he doesn’t yell or point things at me. I said, “Doing so inflames my condition and I can’t work very well.” It was hard, but I tried to always keep it about what is best for the company.

He didn’t stop. So I went home. First I told him that I need to catch my breath. Then I called him and said, “I’m safe enough to drive, but I don’t feel very well anymore. I need to go home and rest. I will get you a doctors note.”

As the days went by, Things only got louder. I informed HR and got another doctors note from my therapist. I needed more time to rest and heal. HR got him to shut up. After a week I return to work. He calmly told me that he didn’t like how I blindsided him. My response was, “I’m so sorry you feel that way. That was never my intention. I really want to work through this. I really want our customers to win and I really want us to get better as a team and our communication to improve. If there is something I can do on my end then please let me know.” He responded with how I blindsided him again and wish I had just gone to him.

About a month later he came after my job. He used my reasonable accommodations to do it. I lawyered up. I had a two inch thick binder of documents by then. Before the lawyers got to involved my company terminated his employment. I don’t know the details, but he isn’t here anymore.

It’s been several months and the problem that I am having now is that companies don’t forget. Once you lawyer up, they remember and they aren’t ever happy with you. However, I don’t get yelled at anymore. Things aren’t pointed at me. And I can work. I can do my job. Our customers are happier because of it.

Thank you for permitting me to share this. You hang in there. I know it’s tough, but eventually it will end.