One of the most difficult struggles of my ptsd recovery is accepting where I am and not resisting the frustration that comes with a long and painful road to recovery. It's been over 6 years since the incident and 4 years since the trial and As I watch the rest of the world continue with their lives I'm stuck in a suffocating cycle of depression, anxiety and panic. I want to live again- feel alive and have that spark that used to drive my very existence. I wonder if I'll ever feel that way again or if I should just accept the reality that is my now. Last January I began EMDR and although it has helped I'm still struggling on a daily basis. The panic attacks are fewer in number but just as terrifying and paralyzing. I'm at the age now where all of my "friends" are having babies and I wish with all my heart that I could be in that space. Its hard accepting acceptance when you can see peace on the other side but have little to no way of achieving it.