Hateing myself right now

Good morning friends

This morning is we'd 11/26/14 . I don't like myself right now. Last night I did it again. Did not want to feel my feelings of loneliness and fear. The feelings often I will avoid or escape them into some type og unconscious adiction to self sabotoge. This is madness, yet I keep doing it over and over. Yet I keep doing the same action time and time again. Feeling hopeless. Even the 12 step group that I attend will not return my calls becuase I am a chronic relapsed. 2 to 4 times a week. Is there hope for me friends?

16 Replies

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  • Yes there is hope for you. You have had a fall and admitted it.. No blame required now ; just accept you are doing the best you can as we all are . Try and hang on in there and see today and tomorrow as another day and hopefully a better one.

    Gemma X

  • It takes a long time to change how you cope even if it's not good. Don't be angry at yourself use it as insight. You all ready have a lot of insight. You can name what you want to avoid and what you do that you don't want to do. So that's a great start. There is always hope for you. Be patient with yourself and have self compassion. Did you find someone to work with on an individual basis?

  • Hey cape joy

    It's wed afternoon here in Florida. I did meet with master eft practitioner to help with trauma resolution. Feeling better today after a relapse into the diseasease of addiction last night. She said the same thing as you said in your post. Change takes time. To move out of survival traits into thriving takes time. T.- I. M - E . Acronym for Things I Must Experience. Thanks for your wisdom and support and most your giving me " emtional support when I asked" . That pattern is new for me, yes to get it from someone who has that " emtional capacity" . Thanks again dear one to make feel that I have value and worth in your eyes. Having others love me, until I can love myself is saving my ass. Thanks friend. By the way. Happy thanksgiving sis.

  • Stay strong!

  • Hey still trying

    Yes today is a better day. It's wed afternoon. My mind and heart are feeling more settled and centers today. The committee in my head are not on strike today thank God, thank you for your emtional support and helping me feel I have value and worth in your eyes.

  • There has to be hope. That's why we haven't given up yet and perhaps why we can't; though through our very efforts, as well as others, we fall daily. I don't understand it, I can't explain it, but that's always my answer when my therapist asks why I keep up this battle....."I can't give up, I can't surrender, bc there has to be hope" and hope has to be bigger than all this. If we're to heal and overcome our PTSD, then we can't simply give up. There has to be hope bc I'm not ok in a life where things happen and just can't be fixed, though I have no idea how to rectify any of it. As bad as I feel and as many episodes as I have, that's one of the things that keeps me going and asking and trying, it hurts constantly, but somehow there has to be hope. Even if it's not in myself.

  • Hello zoned

    You are correct in your inner convictions. We must not give up. We fight for self mastery, but we must press on. There is a higher purpose and a higher meaning in all this suffering. I rmember a quote by victor frankly who was a Jewish holocaust survivor in the nazi concentration camps. He said, " if a man has a WHY to live he can bear with any HOW " . I can look to my God for the meaning of all this sufferring and finding freedom from all this type of sufferring also. Thanks sis.

  • We all fall.... we set our expectations for ourselves, and we let ourselves down. I fell off my diet and gained my weight back recently. But, after the holidays (I'm giving myself the freedom to enjoy the next month without thinking about every bite I eat), I will start again.

    You fell.... but there is always a fresh start. Don't give up on yourself! And don't give up on finding a sponsor who will be there to encourage you. We all need cheerleaders, and there is someone out there who will be that for you.

    As a recovered alcoholic and prescription drug addict (almost 40 years clean), I do have this little bit of advice for you. When you start the new day, the new goal, set your mind and heart to it. Don't allow the thought to enter your mind that gives you permission to fall again. The more determined you are, the less likely you will be to repeat the process. I know how hard it is to deal with things, to find ways to cope, but I believe it is possible to find safer, healthier ways to do it. Sleep is always a good escape.... :)

    Hang in there! You'll make it!

  • Hey Anaya's

    Thanks for your understanding and encouragement. Yes, those " expectation hangovers" are really something aren't they. Thanks friend

  • Dont give up! We must all stick together and believe there IS hope. Are you seeing someone to help you? A therapist? I just found one who does a different kind of therapy: one where I have to identify and measure the intensity of my feelings When they occur and write them down. It is called STAIR therapy. It may help you too. I just spent 14 years in the total darkness of despair and now have to begin again. I am scared, alone and 54 years old. Let's do this, ok??

  • Hey multiple his

    My addiction is a lust addiction.

  • Hey friend

    What d the initials p. M. Mean.?

  • Hey adecadelost

    Yes friend, I am seeing someone. Thank you for giving me your time and attention. That makes me feel thT I have value and worth in your eyes. I must see in you before I can see it in me. Thanks for that gift

  • Good for you Multiple Chris 30 years clean from charlie is no easy thing to do trust me i know how hard it is to get away from you are an inspiration to others that are struggling with addiction that there is hope and that it can be done. Good on you mate Best Wishes. Poohbear'

  • I suffer from C-PTSD. I was first diagnosed about 2 years ago. After making major progress with the illness, I relapsed about two months ago after having contact with one of my perpetrators and experiencing frequent triggers. Then the anxiety took over and I felt like I was back at square one. I was devastated. But there was hope and there always will be! I began to examine my triggers again and to stay present with my feelings. I try to engage in as much self-care/nurturing as I can. I remind myself that I am loved. With time, I can feel my C-PTSD symptoms decrease. My therapist says that after each relapse I will come back with less intense symptoms, less frequent triggers. I see it as a marathon. Hang in there and work hard. It gets better. God bless you.

  • Every one like you is just trying to find there own road to recovery and it can be a long and arduous process and there is no quick fixes and we often have relapses and veer of course sometimes because none of us are perfect in this life no matter what certain people may think and say. So all we can do is just to never give up on ourselves and keep fighting and striving to stay on course to get better and improving our quality of life i hope you feel better soon just never ever give up Good Luck and Best Wishes mate. Poohbear'

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