I am really feeling a lot of despair. Feeling hopless. I am struggling with a " unconscious. addiction to self sabotoge" . It's pretty scary. A lot og risks involved. It's like I have " no brakes" . It's easy to give in to suicidal despair. So despondent. But I keep doing the same damnbthing over and over. After telling myself each time. I wont do that again. I do it again and again. Help. Feedback and encourgement is welcomed. Feeling a lot of shame like I don't belong.