Today is a day of reflection...

[AtlasJones]

Most of us remember this day as the day that changed our world. I pray for the lives lost and the families that loved them.

I was not in New York, nor and very unbelievable, not travelling for work. My new Business Development Manager was in town for training with me. But, this day changed my life. My boyfriend worked for a company selling small stocks in Denver, so his workday started at 6am. This was when my phone started ringing off the hook. He was calling to let me know, and I saw the second tower fall. All stopped.

We were grounded from travel for two weeks, and the usual plane in the sky was not there. The skies that I spent a good majority of my life were empty. Then, I got the ok to fly. It was not until October. It was a short flight to Omaha, but that was just a stop until that United Airlines flight was destined for Chicago. In Denver the weather is never predictable and the clouds were thundering in as I got on the plane. Of all planes that you would not think of a stop in Omaha, it was a 747...the one with the second level. I had logged about 80,000 miles so was upgraded to business class. As we took off, my fear ensued, as this was my first flight after 9/11. As we climbed to probably 25,000 feet a huge flash and burring sensation happened on my cheeks. We dropped more than 1000 feet. I thought surely it was a bomb, but the flight attendant seated next to me after the drop reassured me we were only struck by lightening.

I was extremely startled but understood, as the weather was bad. However, just after this flight my employer started a new policy about travel. Before we had a budget and made our own arrangements. This gave me flexibility so I could get status, make changes on a dime, leave late if a meeting ran late and catch the next flight or early if plans changed. Now, they in-housed "Travel Dragons". They received commission off of saving as little as $25. So, now I was put on flights leaving at 6am...requiring me to be at the airport at 4am after 9/11 for a 2pm meeting and a return flight many times as late as ten. I had lost all control. At least if my flight went down that I scheduled that would be my fault. So, my anxiety being put on flights that made no sense made me anxious. Travelling on airlines I was not comfortable with, squeezing my fingernails in to the arm rest the result was showing up for a meeting after having no where to go for six hours, a disheveled mess.

That was not me. I was managing a $28million dollar account on the travel budget of a bird with no worms. I also had to ensure all items were 4oz. So, many times had to dispose of items, as 4am does not work well when you stay up to 1am not getting the data you needed for a presentation until 5.

So, my work suffered. Travel use to be fun, now it was fear-based. 9/11 brought about all of these changes. It changed me. It changed so many others. I know my trauma with this was not direct, but I ended up quitting my job and the abusive relationships began. So, I do pray for everyone affected whether direct or indirect.

This is a day to reflect, remember and respond.

Mizpah,

Jenn

[Murrday]

Whether direct or indirect, trauma does bring change. Some of those changes have been terrifying. After 9-11, I made a decision that I will probably never fly again. I'm not good in crowded spaces to begin with, and the stress levels would just be too much. But I did not have a job that required me to fly either. That's a whole other level of intensity. From your words, I feel the impact it's had on you.

I'm new here, and reading through the posts, catching up.

I'm answering in the middle of the night, insomnia-waking, so I'm struggling for words.

By sharing about this, you helped me get an insight about why I left a job I'd had, on Virginia Tech campus, after my friend Ross was one of the 32 people murdered there on 4-16-07. I see that my own trauma made it so I couldn't keep going to all the old familiar places, when he would never be there again. I fell into survival mode and coped by avoiding, and leaving the job, so I have to go to campus much less these days. I hadn't understood why I did it until just now, reading what you said. So when you shared about an intense experience, it helped me gain perspective on mine too. Thank you.

And your dog is a wonderful companion. Glad you've got him by your side.