Really need to get this out

Hi everyone I hope you don't mind me offloading on here. I'm not in a good way at all. I honestly think I'm having some sort of breakdown. I feel absoloutely awful. I don't feel like I can cope with anything. Getting in the car and driving is really frightening me and going to the supermarket like I'm going to do something wrong and someone is going to shout at me. This has been coming on for ages and really got worse when I was doing the counselling course. I don't want any of my friends near me,I don't want to hear about their problems,I can't cope with mine let alone anyone else. My counsellor has told me to rest for a month but tbh I feel worse! Like everything has come crashing down.i don't know whether I'm coming or going. I'm too scared too call the doctors as there's always at least a two week waiting list. What if I end up in hospital? What if the kids dad take them away from me? I'm always worse when my kids are at their dads.they went Thursday and are back tomorrow. Just the constant pain and anxiety is just too much for me. Let alone coping with my dogs.im in bits please help.

18 Replies

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  • Oh bless your heart. Please do call the doctors and see if there is something they can give you to help. I have been where you are so do understand but shutting yourself off from pwople will make it worse believe me. Can you not try a different councillor mine was fantastic.

    Your kids will be back soon and then you will feel calmer. This will pass it always does but you need to ask for help and get it.

    Bless you big hug Elaine

  • Our Gps always have a come and wait policy mon to fri if you can't get an actual appointment with your own GP and as you sound so desperate I am sure yours will get you in somehow... Your children go to their dads regularly and they always come back , I am sure if you HAD to go to hospital which I am NOT saying for a moment you will I am sure he would just step in and look after them temporarily ... Your dogs seem to be the problem at the moment, maybe if you could find a solution there , then when your children go away to their dads you could relax and do things just for yourself and be calm and relaxed. Tomorrow your children will be back so that is something that will relax you and on Monday contact your GP or councellor or both, don't be afraid to ask for help. I have done it and come through the other side. You are not alone in terms of us understanding how you feel

    Until then when you feel really panicky take some deep breaths and talk to us in here

    hugs VG x

  • Not really much to add, you've had great advice given so far, please try and talk to your GP on Monday, if they have no appt could you talk to your GP on the phone and explain how things are for you?

  • Just quickly for now, Teddy's mum,

    All the above advice is really good but I would just like to also add......

    If you are really, really desperate at the moment, how about going to A&E. I did that once when I was in a very bad way and from there I got some help. I called a friend and she took me along. I rang NHS Direct and they asked if I was alone and I said I'd called a friend as I was so frightened. They told me to ask her to take me in straight away which she did. I wasn't kept in but spent the night at her house and from there I went a to a house which is run by a charity for people in need of urgent support for various reasons ( not just mental health problems ) and from there I was sent on a rehabilitation course which was run by all sorts of medical professionals. I can honestly say that that was the first time in my life that I ever felt truly supported and helped with my depression in a positive way and from there I have managed to cope much better with things. I am on anti depressants and still have very low spells but I can manage most of the time.

    I know you have the dogs to think about but they would be alright for a few hours while you were out I should think and your children are safe with their dad.

    I shall be thinking of you. Remember you are not alone as we are all here to support you.

    I'll be in touch again. Take great care of yourself.

    Keep in touch otherwise we'll all worry about you.

    Love and comforting hugs Saskia

    XX

  • So Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. There are people you can talk to. I'm not sure what medication you are on, but some drugs can have panic and anxiety as side effects. As it's the weekend, if you can't get hold of an on-call doctor through your GP, you could try ringing NHS direct and see if they can shed any light on the subject. If you are on medication that might be having this effect, it is important that you DON'T just suddenly stop taking it. You need medical advice.

    As well as being able to come on here and talk to us any time, don't forget you can also talk to the samaritans. You don't have to be at the end of your tether, they are there to listen to anyone who is just having a difficult time.

    I would also reiterate what VG said about your dogs. From what you've said about them before, as much as you love them, right now they are too much for you. Please think about possible temporary alternative arrangements for them until you are feeling more able to cope.

    Look forward to your children coming back, take some deep breaths, and maybe listen to some calming music, or have a nice soak in a warm bath.

    Take care of yourself

    (((Kaz)))

  • You are getting lots of wonderful advice here and there really is not much I can add to it except to offer my support where necessary. If you can ask if you can have a call back from the manager of your GP surgery. They are often good and may be able to get you fitted in to see your GP. That is what I do and they have always been helpful in the past. As I said, not much else to add to all the great advice so far xxxxx

  • Thanks everyone I went to lay down for a while to try and calm down. I have to say I am in no way able to go to A&E please don't think I'm silly,I would make a complete idiot of myself the best thing I can do is to stay in bed and rest. I don't have a clue what to do about my dogs there's no one to help except putting them in kennels and that costs a fortune. The reason I'm keeping away from my friends is they are part of the problem,they are all having a massively stressful time and I'm burnt out trying to help. I honestly can't face it. Every text I get turns my insides to jelly. I just have gone on for years and years with no help. I'm frightened of asking now because of getting turned down. I am trying to listen to myself to what I do need and I'm struggling. I've tried this for the fibro I've tried that,I've had enough. I've rung the Samaritans in the past and they get me through the panics attacks. How can one go on living like this? Constant pain and anxiety that is through the roof,I'm on a cocktail of drugs and my doctor doesn't know what to try,the next step is being referred to a psychiatrist. What can they do? They can't change my circumstances. I've tried being strong for such a long long time this thing is bigger than me.

    I know it's hard to give advice when u guys don't really know me. I'm not going to to anything stupid please know that but I am sick and tired of feeling like this. That's why I was asking about the nightshade foods.im desperate. If I don't get better I can never work again and all I can see is all my parents inheritance money gone and then my house and where does that leave me? We are all on our own in this world,your world can come crashing down around you and no one really cares. Not once person has offered to help me physically,I have to push my kids to help. Yes I've had talks with them but it goes in one ear and out the other.

    I'm so sorry if I sound so frighteningly negative but this is the reality of my life.

  • Hi again,Teddysmum,

    You sound very desperate and I can understand you not wanting to go to A&E as it must seem like a very big step to take. It was for me, too. I rang my friend in sheer desperation, not knowing if she would help, but she did. If you feel you can't turn to a friend because they all have too many problems, you are entitled to ring for an ambulance. You may need to go through NHS Direct first and tell them just how desperate you feel. Don't be fobbed off.

    I can understand how you feel about your dogs as I have 2 and I love them dearly. Is there anyone at all who might be able to help with them temporarily? Even a neighbour who has a dog who may agree to help with walking your dogs for a few days? I know it is a shot in the dark. Like you, I have never been one to ask for help and have always looked after others all my life which is probably why I ended up with Fibromyalgia...all the stress and hard physical work of caring for others.

    As you rightly say, none of us know exactly what you are going through as we are not in the same circumstances as you, but we are all trying to offer you what support and help we can in our own way and it may not be what you want to hear or what you feel able to cope with BUT we are all trying our very best, as we care about you and want you to get the help that you so desperately need and deserve.

    You say that you feel as though you are having a breakdown. Having had a very serious breakdown, I know just how awful that is and that is why I am desperately trying to be supportive. When I ended up going to A&E it was because I was having a very serious relapse of the original breakdown, having weaned myself off anti- depressants under the guidance of my GP. I was okay for a while and then I just went down again with a bang. That was the moment I decided to call my friend to see if she would give me some moral support and, thank God she did, as I don't know where I would be now...possibly not here. I don't even like to think about it.

    If you feel that you are having a breakdown it is essential that you get some help sooner rather than later.

    I live in fear of the future, probably like many of us with chronic health conditions and I still struggle with anxiety. However, it can be mostly controlled with the right medication.

    Please, please try to get yourself some help from somewhere.

    In this area we have a charity called The Cinnamon Trust where volunteers help people with looking after their pets if they are ill and they also carry out dog walking for sick and elderly people. Is there a similar charity in your area which might be able to help in this way?

    I can't offer any other suggestions and to be honest I feel a bit helpless in the face of your distress.

    We are all rooting for you, Teddysmum.

    Love and a big hug, Saskia XX

  • Oh, dear, I do hope things will change for you, I have had panic attacks before and ended up in hospital it's very frightening, but they do go, try and relax so easy to say is'nt it, a warm bath as suggested anything to take your mind off it, please remember this feeling is only temporary as I said it will pass, be strong.

  • I forgot to say i've had an awful flare up this past two weeks which started with a dental abccess for which the dentist would'nt give me any antibiotics even though I explained the chronic pain I get, i've been really down, then today it suddenly lifted a bit and I feel a "tiny" bit better, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there will be for you too, just hang on in there.

  • Counselling does help I have been there and done it and come out the Otherside . We identified two main points one was sortable ... Heartbreaking but sortable and once done it really was like a weight off my shoulders. The second wasnt sortable in the same way but we worked out coping strategies to deal with the problem as and when it occurs. Please don't be afraid to ask and don't think that having counselling will be seen by anyone as a negative happening your life, your GP can refer you and he's not going to judge you. Nobody has to even know unless you tell them and your children won't be taken away... All it is is to get you help

    VG x

  • Hi Teddysmum,

    I think that if you do anything at all, you must take the help that's being offered. You may not want to go to A&E, or to the doctors, but if you want to feel better - and I'm sure you do - then you need to bite the bullet and get that help.

    The problem seems to be that you have so many issues going round and round inside your poor head that you can't even make a start at sorting them out - and as for helping your friends with their problems - forget that altogether for now, they'll have to manage on their own!

    Don't worry about feeling a fool, I know plenty of nurses and doctors who've been in much the same position as you, so they certainly won't judge you.

    You say that no one has offered to give you any practical help - have you actually told them what you would like done? People don't often offer - you may have to tell them - and they are usually flattered and pleased to be of use.

    Your children will be fine - as long as you are there for them, they will be alright, and from what you've said their dad looks after them OK. He won't want to take them away from you 'cos it would be disruptive to his life, but there would be no harm in him taking the strain a bit more often to help you.

    Anyway, all this good advice can't work unless you take just one step towards the help you need. it will be the hardest step you ever take, but it will be worth it!

    Take care and let someone else help you to straighten things out.

    Love Moffy x

  • It's hard to ask for help....even from loved ones, but when you do you will be amazed at the response and you will wonder why it was so difficult. Stop hiding and start asking. You have to. Do it now. When our own reserves are depleted we need to lean on others. So start leaning. You will get over this. Hugs.

  • I too have been where you are now & still suffer it 19 years later. Now on top of that is the fibro.

    I have become depressed/anxious & am suffering recurring panic attacks. I spoke to my GP & he referred me back again to Community Mental Health Team. I have my first session on Tuesday coming & for me it can't come quick enough.

    Also like you I worried myself sick after my husband & I split & my son went to stay with his dad & his new partner. My son is almost 23 now & has moved out to make his own way in life. I now have new family issues which I feel are getting on top of me causing the panic attacks & depression.

    I have also had to be seen by a Physciatrist on 3 seperate times for trreatment as an out patient.

    Please ask for help, there is no shame in it. Your kids will NOT be taken from you & no-one else need no unless you tell them. You are not alone, there are a lot of us out there & the help is there but you have to speak to your GP first & what you tell them or anyone else in their profession is confidential.

    Best wishes.

    Jackie xx

  • Hi Teddysmum,

    I have an idea of how you must be feeling. Things for me at the moment are similar. My husband and my daughter(from a previous marraige) have had a fallout since July last year. I am finding it all very stressful, along with ESA work programme people at me constantly. At the last meeting at the job centre i cried so much they had to stop and tell my husband to take me to my dr. The duty dr wanted to call in the crisis team, i said i didn't think i wanted them. She upped my anti-depressents and i am going to see my own dr on Friday.

    Going back to the situation with family, i find each visit stressful as my husband just goes upstairs and ignores my daughter. If she comes round with my grandchildren and he is not at home, i am constantly on edge incase he comes home. It's hard enough dealing with fibro fog without being under stress trying to keep a conversation going.

    On a previous visit my dr offered me councelling for the home situation but as i have had councelling on three previous occassions i felt that this time no amount of councelling can alter the way others behave, the dr actually agreed.

    I know when you are feeling desperate as you are, just sounding off can help and that sometimes trying to do what people advise can feel like you just don't have the energy to do all that they say. It is just too much effort!!!!!!!

    Take comfort from this forum and when you are ready try some of the advice. if in the meantime things get too bad then contact the Samaritans, just talking can help.

    Take care

    Pepparosie xx

  • I'm am truly thankful for all your replies. You are an amazing bunch of people you really are. I just wish we didn't all have to go through these terrible times.

    The reason I'm so scared of my ex husband is he did take to court two years ago to try and get custody of the kids..it was one of the worse things I have ever been through. The things he said about me were truly awful. I know I am a good mum,I've got two amazing kids aged 16 and 13 a boy and a girl. He didn't get custody and he had his access to the kids reduced. He is a nasty angry man and I have no contact with him at all now. I still live in fear he will try it again but in reality I doubt he could afford to. He is like poison.

    Regards the dogs I'm facing up to the fact hat I can't cope with 4. I've made the heartbreaking descision to take my biggest dog for an assessment with the dogs trust on 1st March.ive tried finding charities where I live to help with walking and sadly there is no one. I am dreading taking her,I need to find someone to come with me as I know I will get terribly upset. I'm usually the one rescuing dogs not sending them away.:(. I just can't see any other way. I feel I should be able to just about cope with my little three.

    I've been having counselling for well over a year,I'm not sure it's actually helping me except for getting all this stuff out of my system. I am staring to accept this is how things are going to be. Yet a part of me still wants to fight.

    I've also got an under active thyroid and I know that I'm probably not on the right medication. I'm part of the thyroid group on here as well. Trouble is its so complicated in trying to recover and I've got completely overwhelmed. I don't know where to turn. My doctor just says my thyroid is at an ok level but she knows thats probably not true and her hands are tied by the general medical counsel.

    Thankyou everyone for being so honest as well. I do appreciate it. I do accept help,I've accepted a lot of help but nothing has worked yet. I've been to A&e before and just got sent home. I don't think I'm at the point of breakdown yet but I'm pretty close,it wouldn't take much to push me over. I will try and get a telephone consult with my doctor this week.

  • Hi again, teddysmum,

    So good to read your blog today. You don't sound quite so desperate! You have so much going on and, as others have said, try to tackle one thing at a time. You simply can't do it all at once. I am so sorry about the situation with your doggies. I, too, would be heartbroken. Whatever happens you will know in your heart that you are doing the very best for them. You are a kind person and at the end of the day you will only part with your dog if you know that (s)he will be well looked after. I am so sorry that there are no charities who could help with the dog walking.

    I am an animal rescuer, too, so I would be distraught if I had to part with my dogs or cats and it is something which worries me when I have really bad days and am not up to much. However, I do have a husband but he will be 70 this year ( 10 and a half years older than me ) and I worry about how I'd manage in the future if he pre- deceases me. Morbid thoughts I know but I can't help myself! I am an anxious person and become easily depressed. From all the lovely replies of support you have received it seems that a lot of us suffer with these feelings as well as Fibromyalgia and other health worries. People have been very open and honest with you as we can all empathise to a degree with how you must be feeling right now.

    Take heart from that. I wish I lived near you so that I could perhaps be more help to you ( on the days when I might be up to it...lol....) but all I can do is offer my support on here.

    I am pleased to hear that you don't feel as though a breakdown is imminent. Try to get some help before one creeps up on you as it did with me. When it first happened I had no idea that morning when I went off to work that when I got home that evening after working on until about 8.00pm ( from 8.30am ) that I would be so seriously ill. It has taken me years to get over it and, because of all the physical symptoms of Fibromyalgia and osteo-arthritis worsening over the last 10 years or so, as well as other health issues, I have never really got back to the person I used to be. I don't drive any more because of loss of confidence and there are a lot of things I can no longer do. I WOULD NOT WISH A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN ON MY WORST ENEMY.....so please DO TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOURSELF as there are lots of us who do care about you.

    That's me off my soapbox now!

    Keep in touch. Love and hugs Saskia. XX

  • First please don't think you are too much trouble for drs , they are there to listen and to aliviate your anxiety and pain !!! You are low now but it won't always be the case !! By just reading your blogg your someone who's strong !!! Everyone that has this awfull fibro & other horrible illnesses & depression would feel like you do , your also dealing with personal things so don't be so hard on yourself !!! Please go & chat to your dr and get your meds changed , tackle one thing at a time & please know I've felt as overwhelmed at times and it does pass ,, be gentle and try not to worry. All the very best. Xxx

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