Things just get worse

Im sorry guys I'm really struggling. My anxiety is sky high it will just not back off no matter how much I use my coping skills. I really don't want to live like this. I've had yet another guy reject me. I am absolutely sick of men,please please don't tell me I will find the right one,after 44 years I doubt it's going to happen now. I wish I could just accept it and not keep trying and. Continually getting hurt. I feel humiliated. I'm eating too much again which is a worry after loosing so much weight but what's the point of being slim? Hasn't got rid of the fibro,I still feel as lonely as ever. What has happened to that woman I was? Oh yes she has been reduced to this self pitying whining thing. I just keep going for the kids and try to hide how bad I am feeling. Nothing seems to be helping.

8 Replies

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  • perhaps its time to just think of yourself to nurture you, if you can some how get a handle on this illness Im sure things will ease. I feel contant , I know im not going to be the same, and Im trying to adapt to this new life. as for men , it might be you ll find one were and when you least expect it

  • hi i am not going to tell you you will find the right one as life is nort all about having a man in your life i have got a partner of 8 years after 2 failed marriages because they had affairs way before fibro only been diagnosed 2 years ago then had 5 years on my own bumped into an aquaintence from 20 years back went out for a drink and ben together 8 yars not without its trials too many too go into and to boring but anyway i live in my house no way will i ever live with him, in fact i am on verge of finishing it as i know we will never be anything than we are now him coming round every night at 8 going home at eleven , we never argue but i jus dont see the point of us we dont really do much together. So what i am saying to you is try to get to like who you are and enjoy who you are learn to love yourself and accept all there is and all that comes with fibro and then i think you will be ready for another relationship or may be not . why cant we be on our own and just go out for a drink or meakl or day trips with a guy we havent always got to have someone on our arm to make us feelnormal have we?so you just sit back and enjoy your family/friends and enjoy life and someone does happen to come along well thats good or is it as then you get their baggage and all the hassle that comes with that so maybe you will be a merry widow lol like i think i will end up ha ha anyway love to you and take care diddle x

  • I'm in the same boat diddle, have now made my mind up to finish with the man in my life, he doesnt consider me one bit - he too comes round about 8 and goes 10.30-11, he seems to think should think myself lucky i get 3 hours a day of his time. He says he understands fibro which he does to a certain point but does not realise how tired we all are. He has gone away with his family for a week and i'm not supposed to mind just something else to get used to. Then find out his 3 sons and his mother have gone with him, really makes you feel wanted hey! Anyway now is the time to let him lose have too much to cope with without his problems too. I have a ailing father of 81 who I can only help up to a certain point as fibro doesnt allow me to do much, and my daughter in the last few weeks has left her husband and children without any explanation at all!! Rant over diddle, I wish everyone well on here and gentle hugs for all xxxx

  • I have to agree with the above comments. I'm a firm believer that you have to learn to love yourself first before you can expect anyone else to. That sometimes means taking some time out from relationships .

    My last relationship was emotionally abusive , it took me a while to recover from that and to learn to value myself . Once I did , I found dating and eventually marrying much easier. I had boundaries with regard to what I was prepared to accept from a partner , and what I wasn't .

    My dad was 68 when he got married for the second time a few years ago, so there is no such thing as " too late ".

    Take some time out and be good to yourself , the rest will take care of itself.

    Gentle hugs

    xx

  • I'm sorry to hear how unhappy you are. Rejection is really hard to deal with. Humans are social animals - designed to live in groups (not just in couples) so feeling alone is one of the hardest things to cope with. But you are not alone. You have friends and family. You need to get the best out of the relationships you have, and that means also putting your best into them. So 'keep going for the kids' is all part of that process. You are on the right track. And yes - having a 'significant other' is a great thing when it's working out, but sometimes expectations of each other can be unrealistic. We are all guilty of this at times, whether we are male or female, young or old, sick or healthy. Maybe you will be better off nurturing yourself (as some others have said) and nurturing the other relationships in your life for a while. Then whether or not a lovely man comes into your life in the future, you will be having a better life now! Good luck, and enjoy your-self.

    xx

  • please please messagemeandde stress i will be there anytime petal oh and read that article again...

  • Hi Teddymum

    First - Your name tag is very telling, in that you label yourself as someone's mum rather than yourself. Think of yourself first might be an important first step.

    Second - no man is much better than a bad man.

    Third you do need to be content with yourself to attract the right person. I am married and have been for 27 years but I do have single friends who moan that they only attract the wrong people and that is partly it the moan all the time. I can only put up with them for short periods of time and I certainly would not want to go on holiday with them let alone share a life.

    So please start a happy book think of any good things that have happened.

    Gaining weight will make FB worst so there is a point to healthy eating.

    Speak to your GP perhaps you need some extra help just now, ask for therapy not just medication.

    Treat yourself to something, a book from the library, hire a funny DVD, buy a bunch of flowers, phone a (cheerful) friend.

    My sister's father in law married when he was 70 and he and his wife enjoyed 25 years together, my school friend married for the first time age 49 and OK has a ready made family but is so much happier so it is never too late. They would never have met if he had not been made redundant!

    Lots of hugs

  • Thanks for all your comments everyone I do take them on board. I just want you to know I'm not a moaner,I'm actually very very proactive and do try to be positive and I am having therapy with a wonderful counsellor but I am battling depression and anxiety,I feel like two different people most of the time,a constant battle and the more people tell me to be nice to myself the worse I get. I've had a massively stressful life( like a lot f other people)but I know I do try and sabotage myself. I do buy myself flowers and watch DVDs and do nice things and help others where I can. I have a very good relationship with my kids and I have four lovely dogs. I'm going to concentrate on them and forget about men( they have caused me nothing but trouble anyway so god knows why I get so worked up about it)sometimes I. Do think I need some tough love and often give myself a jolly good talking to which does help.

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