Having a horrible day :(

[Teddysmum43]

I'm really really low tonight. I've made my mind up to stop the counselling course the effect it's having on me is devastating,I'm a nervous wreck and am hardly coping. I feel so unwell and I just cannot keep putting myself under this intolerable pressure. It's all well and good people saying stick with it,it will be worth it but how can they really know? All I can see from my perspective is sheer terror. I tell myself to pull myself together to be strong but it doesn't work I just feel more and more unwell. Pl ease don't think I'm weak but if I am weak it's the illness making me like it. I've tried all sorts,loosing weight,going to the gym,hypnotherapy. I really feel at an all time low. My kids are due home tomorrow after a week at their dads and I don't know how I'm going to cope. I have no one to look after me. I really wish I did. Nothing ever seems to get better,I don't know what the point of being alive is. It's just a constant fight and I don't even know what I'm fighting. My daughter has got exams coming up and she doesn't need an ill mother to cope with.

[hamble99b]

hiya hun,

people can offer advice but you only need do what YOU want to do, what you are most comfortable with.

can you make an app't with your gp and tell him you feel? don't struggle alone.

you are not weak. it takes strength to make the decision to give up your course.

take some time to look after you,

love your kids and know that you just being there is important.

hugs (x)

sandra.

[fairycazzie]

hi teddys mum

it is a difficult thing to cope with , coping and accepting things are different as is just like i seem to cope most of time yet cannot accept as my mind physcologicaly keeps saying the same as you pull yourself together and you will get better maybe, but its virtually impossible, trying to over ride pain and suffering day in and day out.

Only you as said can decide whether to carry on counselling or not and how it is affecting you and yes see your GP too they need to know how we are getting on with things as it can have an effect on health so the rite thing has to be done. i was refered to brain specialist clinical physcologist to cope with my diagnosis but i did 2 sessions and just could not face it, then i got refered back after a few months as it is hard knowing wht to do where to go who to see , how we deal with it and what help we can get. (maybe some volunteer in your area to help you ) i do kknow this is a service for people alone who have no help , but usually everything else has to be apaid for, depending on the disabilities we are dealing with .

if your chiildren are so young and cooking meals is a lot then you could ask family or get meals on wheels via NHS this saves you going out and having to deal with it.

The kids coming home from their dads have you been able to manage without them as it helped you ? is the thought of them coming back and having to rally around after them and you feeling you wont be able to be a mum properly? The kids will beable to help you if you ? make up some little rota and make it like a game to do with little rewards.

can their dad have them more ? xx

i too have just posted on how being tearful at moment have a low time as much as i should be happy !

i have help at home yet am selfish ! why?? hmm hard one, think because sometimes this house is a little routine regimental with times on eating and how things should be done.

i cannot cope with the animals and the muck and this weather and trying to mop when hands are painful and wrists and standing to do it long enough and not doing it rite (just an example of one thing) my house is not one where you can clean once a wk/month so on, it has to be done every single day umpteen times it so peeeing me off at minute.

Everyone works and does not want to come home and carry on with house work (understandibly) but i did it for years, work full time, kids DIY , garden etc and now its so hard to try cope with not being able to do the simple things one could do before with not a flicker of thought but i never got a 'Thank you' and i seem to have to thank those around me for helping! which i do not mind but i have to nag for the help! i get out of bed and get in my car most days so am seen to be 'nothing wrong' how wrong is everytone. every day is a bit of a struggle and fight doing things and if i have to cook i screech like a puppy OUCH swear and drop things. Got a chair to sit at work top from social services and a trolley to go from room to room (do you have this sort of thing) i got with speedy service and it helps and the kids can help in a fun way with you too..mine laugh abuot it and i jsut have to smile for them.

sorry again i always apologising lol but please talk inbox if feeling low as you need ppl around you xxxxxx

[fairycazzie]

ps i just looked at your about me ! noticed your daughters are teens so they will be able to help you lots around the home if you ask them to and make up a little rota and then alternate it and they have to understnad your problem.

we are the same age and i have a 12 yr old who is a great help more than she should be in lots of ways and she should be aloud to enjoy her life with friends more than she actually does, but she does then wehn i need help she is there. i have a 22 yr old at home but works either for me in the the week with the job i used to do or she is at teh big supermarket we all know and then has college too and inbetween will give a good blast at housework then thats it for the next blue moon lol..

xx

[Sarah-Jane]

I am not sure if I have this right. But from what little I have picked up my understanding is that you are depressed and struggling to cope with FM? I do know how that is. I really struggled last year, but have come to terms with it, and that does help. I will come back to this in a minute.

I have also had counselling for another reason. Initially it appeared to open doors I did not want opened and seemed to make things worse. I managed to stay with it, and at the end I told the woman she was 'like a robin. A little bird that visits gardeners, appears to listen to their woes, but is there again the next day'. I was fortunate. It helped me walk through those doors and close them. The counselling makes you face things you don't want to and also can help open a can of worms which you are not able to cope with at the moment. If you could you would not have posted what you have. The circumstances I faced were not FM related. Oh dear, its hard to explain what I am trying hard to say.

FM is a mean trick our bodies have played on us, but it is not something we have to accept. There are ways to fight it, but it is not an illness to be cured. I am so sorry if I upset someone with my opinions, but I feel that if we accept that we are now disabled, that our lives will be different, that we can no longer do all that we could, it is easier. Sometimes I look and see someone doing something and I catch myself saying 'I can no longer do that' but I try to turn it around and say 'but once I could and I am grateful'. You see I was so nearly a Thalidamide baby and could have been born without arms or legs [my mum had the tablets in a draw and never took them!]

Now, what we do not have to accept is that it is the end of our lives. It is not. It is the beginning of a different life. When we get used to our bodies new limits, things become easier. When we learn how to pace ourselves and appreciate what we can do, we can become calmer and more relaxed. This helps too. Finding help and accepting help is also essential but hard. None of this is easy. I would have rebelled at all of this last year, so I understand others doing the same.

I have many friends who are struggling with FM, cancer in the family, mean and nasty neighbours and families, physical difficulities for themselves other than FM and their OH also struggling with difficulites.

I find looking on the bright side very difficult when I am down. This happens every month anyway and sometimes with the circumstances around me being bad, goes on for a long time. I have had illness and death in the family, loss of a pet [seems a little thing but she was my life line in this time] and also hearing of friends struggles - all can pull you down.

My dear, I am really sorry I cannot be of any help to you. I am sorry if I am way off the mark, but if you feel Councelling is not for you, stop it. Go back when and if you are ready.

Talk to your daughters, help them understand. A book I found helpful was Fibromyalgia for Idiots, as it helped my husband understand and stopped him thinking I was making everything up. It has helpful sections in it, including how to tell people things, types of medication, alternative therapies etc. Be careful of some books. They are just after your money and tell you of how things were for them. None of us is the same. Try and value yourself and treat yourself kindly.

You are a valuable member of your family. Your daughters need you to be strong, but also to be truthful. My daughters have become my friends thanks to this. They are not stupid and will know you are going through something and may be fearful of what this is. They may even think you are dying. Even if you are, you should be honest with them as you would want them to be with you.

Bless you honey, and I hope you find a way through to the sunshine.

Soft hugs

[Ozzygirl64]

You can only do what you feel is right for you. In the beginning I could not cope although I never thought about ending it all, I had kids to think of and I put them 1st every time and they are adults now, my own health comes second and always will. I never asked for this illness or any other illnesses I have and I certainly never asked for an illness that is destroying my lungs. But I have accepted it, moved on and to the best of my ability it sits in the background. Your girls are teens, they should be helping you, yes exams coming up, but surely some time can be spared for a mum that has cared for them thus far. We tell you to stick at it to try and boost your morale, that is what we are all here for. the sunshine will start to peak through for you and you just need to keep looking for that little chink of light, it is the only way you will get through given your current mood xxxxx

[Teddysmum43]

Thankyou for your support it really means so much. I ended up calling a friend which was just what i needed to do. She has moved back to england after being in canada for ten years. Her insights are amazing and she pulls me out of the darkness. We have worked out a small plan of action,reducing tv time as this really affects the depression. In canada they hardly watch tv and they r alot more positive. im also going to commit to eating healthy in the week my food consumption has been rubbish for a few months. She is going to support me. Just to clarify its an actual counsellor training course im doing and i also have personal therapy once a week. its just been bringing up so much stuff,its been so harrowing. i never realised it would be this bad. Also i have a son of 13 and a girl of 16 and im having a fairly challenging time with both of them. For the first time ever i was glad to see them go to their dads because of the arguments,its been hugely draining and im hoping a week apart will have done us all good. I get these awful anxiety/panic attacks that are very hard to cope with,you know when the irrational side of you takes over.

fairycazzie i know what u mean about animals and the mess this time of year. I have been continually drenched walking my dogs and the mud is just horrid,this morning was a real ordealand seriously stretches my coping capabilities. i can see we are all going through the same things in various degrees. Anyway am going to try and get some sleep. love to all of u and many thanks for replying xxx

[Mdaisy]

Dear Teddysmum,

I am sorry you feel the way you do at the moment. I think most would agree that many of us have felt low at certain points as we struggle to be strong and fight all the time. Everyone here can listen and be supportive to each other because of empathy & understanding.

I wonder if there is a support group near you. What area roughly are you near ?

FibroAction website has a Support Group Directory you can look at if you think this may help.Link below if you need it. Many members at our support group have verbalised that they feel benefit from talking to others face to face who understand too.

fibroaction.org/Pages/S...

I think you should consider talking to you GP about your low mood and your symptoms of Fibro too. The FibroAction website has a section on treatments for Fibro maybe their is something that may help to relieve your symptoms so you feel able to cope a little better.

fibroaction.org/Pages/Neuro...

I hope this helps

Best Wishes

Emma

[glassbutterfly]

Bless you. Sadly I don't have any words of wisdom I'm in a place that sounds just like where you are each night I go to bed wondering how on earth I made it through the day knowing that I have to do it all again tomorrow. My children are the reason I'm still here. Difficult to believe but in my eyes a sick mum is better than no mum.

Take care of yourself x

[Teddysmum43]

Thank you ladies I've got two blogs going at the moment and I'm getting all confused as who has replied to what! I do have a support group I go to,I stopped going but perhaps I should return in January. The weird thing was I felt I was really having to face the fact I have an incur able illness and it scared me. When we get scared I guess we want to pull away from whatever is scaring us but that is a recipe for disaster isn't it? I can see how people can get agoraphobia,not much chance of that with me tho and my dogs. I have to go out which is good. I'm going to try and make an effort to chill out more,I've been getting so wound up about everything. a good thing happened yesterday I spoke to my sister and it really helped. We had a really good talk and she was actually pleased she could help me. She is my last link to my mum and she is so important to me. She even said they would come down in the summer to see me I was gobsmacked. She has had a mental illness for many many years and we grew apart because she wouldn't communicate but now I can have a fairly normal conversation with her which is brilliant.Perhaps 2013 could be a good year? pretty pretty please.....

[hunnybee]

Don't be too hard on yourself hun xhugsx I too gave up therapy I found it was just making me feel worse an since stopping I do feel alot better have a chat with your gp and go with what u feel is best for you xxhugsxx