When I was younger (and not ill) I used to go out every weekend. I would put on high heels that I couldn't walk in and then proceed to dance in them all night. I would do dance moves that used muscles that hadn't seen the light of day before. I would drink perhaps a little too much and eat a kebab on the way home (which I may or may not throw up later). The next day I would wake up with a little man in my head who would let rockets off inside my brain every time I moved my head. He would have a partner in crime who would get a shovel and poke it into my eye every time I tried to focus on anything. I would then stumble to the bathroom with such sore feet I could hardly walk. I would ache all over and be sooooo tired from alcohol induced sleep. I'd crave (and eat) carbohydrates and, by about 1 or 2pm in the afternoon I would start to come round and feel better and remember what am amazing night out I had had.
Yesterday I woke up feeling EXACTLY like that. The only (very big and quite sad) difference was that I hadn't been out the night before. I had dared to work an extra day which involved a train journey to London on Friday, traipsing around London, going to my hotel and doing some more work, a very poor nights sleep in a noisy hotel and then working from 8am on Saturday before getting the train home at 2.30pm. By the time I got off the train at the other end I could hardly walk. I ached on the train (as I posted here) but by the time of getting off the train it had turned to pain.
I got up at 11.30am yesterday ( as the hubby was going to the football otherwise don't think I would have got up at all) but could only manage lying on the settee. My girls were brilliant. The eldest cleaned her room (of a fashion), read books and played on her ipad. While the little one found a game we could play lying down (I had to choose which Moshi Monsters I wanted) before she snuggled under the blanket with me on the sofa and watched CBeebies (Okay so it's not great parenting but it was all I had to offer!). When hubby came home and stumbled back to bed where I remained.
Today the two men in my head letting off rockets and hitting me in the eye with a shovel have been replaced by worms wriggling around which is very very annoying! The fatigue is still there - am going to have a nap in 5 minutes - and I feel like I am in a dream. I went to get petrol and had to check I had my purse three or four times over because every time I checked I immediately forgot - that was quite scary. I don't feel I should drive but have to get the girls from school and I don't hold out much hope for cooking the tea either. I am going to be checking and double checking EVERYTHING.
It's days like these when I really really hate this illness, it robs me of time with my children and in a way, my sanity.
How ironic that I used to go out and deliberately make myself feel this way!! Oh, if I only knew then what I know now....