I didn't know where to write this blog either here or on the anxiety board but I know more of you on here so I shall write here. I'm not good again am having another panic attack. I just feel I can't cope with anything,my kids are due home soon and I'm frightened I can't cope. I don't want them to see me like this. During today I've coped ok. I started reading yet another self help book and they send me spiralling into a panic. I don't know why I read them. I guess I feel that one of them might help me but they don't. They always seem so sure they can fix you but we are all different so what works for one doesn't work for someone else. This has all blown up since I started that damned counselling training course. I think it's literally driving me barmy. What is happening to me? Why can't I cope? Am I destined to be like this forever? If my ex husband gets a whiff of how unwell I am I am sure he will try and take the kids off me again,mind you when he tried last time he didn't get anywhere but it's the fact he tried that sends me into a panic. Do you know what I feel like I really need that I just cannot seem to give myself is some nurturing. Do I sound like a baby? I feel like one. I can't just ring my mum and let her settle me down as she has gone,my biggest rock has gone. You would think aft two years I would be coping much better but no it feels like I'm getting worse. I now realise what she was going through when I was a teenager(she had a breakdown) but I was so damn selfish I hardly took any notice. Now it's me with the teenagers and going a bit mad. Why can't I just pull myself together? It's bloody ridiculous.