Help!

I didn't know where to write this blog either here or on the anxiety board but I know more of you on here so I shall write here. I'm not good again am having another panic attack. I just feel I can't cope with anything,my kids are due home soon and I'm frightened I can't cope. I don't want them to see me like this. During today I've coped ok. I started reading yet another self help book and they send me spiralling into a panic. I don't know why I read them. I guess I feel that one of them might help me but they don't. They always seem so sure they can fix you but we are all different so what works for one doesn't work for someone else. This has all blown up since I started that damned counselling training course. I think it's literally driving me barmy. What is happening to me? Why can't I cope? Am I destined to be like this forever? If my ex husband gets a whiff of how unwell I am I am sure he will try and take the kids off me again,mind you when he tried last time he didn't get anywhere but it's the fact he tried that sends me into a panic. Do you know what I feel like I really need that I just cannot seem to give myself is some nurturing. Do I sound like a baby? I feel like one. I can't just ring my mum and let her settle me down as she has gone,my biggest rock has gone. You would think aft two years I would be coping much better but no it feels like I'm getting worse. I now realise what she was going through when I was a teenager(she had a breakdown) but I was so damn selfish I hardly took any notice. Now it's me with the teenagers and going a bit mad. Why can't I just pull myself together? It's bloody ridiculous.

13 Replies

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  • Hi teddysmum,

    You don't need anyone to fix you, you are perfectly OK - you have just lost all your confidence.

    I'm not surprised the counselling course caused you problems - you need care yourself, not to listen to other people's problems - not for a long while, anyway!

    Right now you need someone to look after you for a bit, and no one is going to think badly of you. You can manage your children fine if you have a bit of support. From what you say, they are older children, and it's surprising how helpful they can be if you just give them the opportunity

    What I think you should do is to ring Samaritans 08457 - 90 - 90 - 90. They will listen to your troubles and point you in the direction of the practical help you nee

    I'm sure you will soon recover, and all of us on this site are here for you.

    You can message me privately if you want to.

    Best Wishes, Moffy xxx

  • Dear Teddysmum,

    I am sorry you feel that the stress is mounting up and experiencing anxiety because of it. My GP once gave me some advice for when I felt like this , so maybe it will be helpful to you too.

    Imagine the things you are worrying about as an onion.

    The more important things in the middle and other stresses in different layers.

    Try to plan to address the necessary middle part and when you feel able to you can start to look at the layers. It may help to break things down as from your blog you seem to be thinking about everything at once. It seems to be causing increased stress which may be not helping the anxiety you feel about not being able to cope.

    What is in the middle of the onion? You

    You need to look after yourself so you can look after others

    I would consider asking for some outside support for yourself so you feel you can cope.

    I would also consider going to the GP to discuss your feelings of anxiety and he/she will be able to suggest medication that will help during this acute phase. Please as Moffy says remember that the Samaritans are available should you need to speak to someone.

    I would also like to say you seem like you may be expecting too much of yourself and getting a little overwhelmed by it all. Everyone at some point needs some help and by using a step by step approach to the issues , it may be a way forward.

    We all understand here on the forum and all the members are supportive of each other through these times.I am sure most will agree that we have experienced the same feelings as you at some point.

    If you still feel you may be experiencing increased anxiety or signs of a breakdown, please contact your on call GP and/or NHS Direct for advice.

    Sending you strength and thinking of you

    Emma

  • HI Teddysmum

    You have been through a lot this year, with both the course, and your personal counselling bringing up issues. You have started to face them, and deal with them, which is great. Sometimes, it does seem like facing issues makes them worse. This isn't true, it's just that we realise how bad things really were, when we had previously been in denial. And it's tough to face all that, without 'your rock'. But she is inside you, in your memories, and thoughts, and feelings. And you can nurture yourself, as well as your kids. And teenagers are hard work, and challenging - remember - you used to be one! That doesn't mean they don't love you. And just like you didn't realise what your mum was going through, maybe they need help to recognise what you're going through. And when they do, they might find it scary. But you can all deal with it together.

    So, now it is time to be kind to yourself. Be happy to spend time with your kids before they grow up and move out. Nurture yourself and them. And stop putting yourself under so much pressure - you're fine just as you are!

    (((hugs)))

  • But if I had a breakdown no one would help me. They put you in a hospital with people who know less about mental illness than me. I know I've been there when I had severe post natal depression. I feel as frightened now as I did then. I know this is a panic attack but they can last for hours for me it's like hell on earth. I feel like I would hurt myself when I feel this bad but I haven't yet. I've got to be so careful when I ask people for help as I have been so let down in the past,I am truly terrified of asking anyone for help,I'm so embarrassed. The only person that soothed me was my mum and she has gone. Somehow I've got to accept that. Everyone including my doctor has been telling me to stick with the counselling training but I am frightened senseless and the shock of that reaction (although really it shouldn't be a shock when I look at how I can be sometimes) has been massive. I realise as you say I have put too much pressure on myself and I'm crumbling. I have no family except my kids,it's so very hard when I'm ill to know who to trust. Sometimes I just cannot rely on myself. I will get better wont I? Please don't let me be like this forever. I will call Samaritans if I need to,I have found them helpful in the past.

  • Hi, again,

    Please do call Samaritans - they will know just how you feel because most of them have been there themselves. I can understand that people have let you down, but I'm pretty sure that caring professionals would never do that.

    Don't worry about the counselling training - everyone who does it knows that it is very, very hard, and that if you are not in a good place yourself at that time, then you just can't do it.

    You can always go back and complete your course when you feel better, if it's what you really want.

    There's no need to be embarrassed - if there was, then I for one would have died of embarrassment years ago!

    Of course you will get better. For now, just concentrate on getting through a day at a time. make yourself and your children meals, get them to help you, relax when you can, and please, please ask for the support you need - there's no shame in it!

    New year is always a difficult time, but remember that the emergency services, NHS Direct etc, are always there.

    Now - take a deep breath, make a cuppa, and make plans for a better New Year.

    Lots of love and hugs ...Moffy xx

  • I can't add anything useful to help as other people have advised you so well and far better than anything I could say, but I send you my best and really hope you are able to find the strength to look .forward, for you and your children in the new year.

    There is no magic time span when you lose a loved one I miss my mum every day and I lost her eight years ago, it gets easier but I still miss her like mad.

    Thinking of you Maggie xxx

  • Like Maggie i cant offer any practical advice that would be any better than others have said earlier...it sounds like good advice to me but i know how you feel about your mum, i held my dear mum in my arms and stroked her hair until she had gone, its been 3 years now and then 9 weeks later i held my dads hand as he died on the same ward. I havent began to grieve yet and i know its all inside but i wont letit out cos im terrified of what will happen to me, i think i will end up having some kind of mental breakdown but so far im holding it in. My thoughts and prayers are with you and i wish you a better new year. Please let us know how you get on...much love.....charlii xx

  • Is this a process I have to go through to come out the other side?What if I'm not strong enough even though people seem to think I am. Actually on some days I am strong,well maybe not strong but I'm coping at least.Then I have these horrible episodes where it all feels like its crashing down. Or maybe it isn't and I'm just over reacting. But it feels so real at the time.When I've calmed down I'm like what the hell happened there?Perhaps I need to change my thinking about what happens but something else takes over.Or perhaps I need to chill out and shut up!

  • Teddysmum,

    Grief can affect people in many different ways but psychologists mention five stages of grief model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)

    If you feel you need to speak to someone that can support you with your feelings of the sad loss of your dear Mother who seems to have been such an inspiration to you.

    You can contact Cruse Bereavement 0844 477 9400 and NHS have a website on dealing with loss

    nhs.uk/Livewell/emotionalhe...

    From what you have mentioned she was amazingly strong lady and I am sure you have this fight too. So sorry for your loss

    Thinking of you

    Emma

  • You don't have to try to be strong - it just happens.

    Many times I have felt that I couldn't go on, but you just do, and things get better. It's a bit like childbirth - you think it will go on for ever and that you can't do it - but I guess most of us have managed it.

    Panic attacks are horrible, because you feel terrified, but you're not sure what it is that terrifies you. The only good thing is that the attacks pass - eventually!

    You do need to chill out if you can, but don't shut up, because talking is what you need to do. How would you feel about talking to someone?

    I realise how difficult it is to get through public holidays, when everyone else is busy having fun, but there is always someone available to help you.

    Hang on in there - things will be better soon ...Moffy xxxx

  • Teddysmum43, go with the flow, stop fighting everything, just let it all happen, the more you try to keep in control the more you lose control. You are a woman who has came through a lot stop trying to be perfect, it is the flaws that make us unique. Breath like your in labour and the panic will pass and don't get upset or angry because all you do is scatter your energy and feel sick, deep breaths and suck that energy and strength in, give it a try it worked for me.

    Lots of soft hugs on their way take care.

    x

  • My heart goes out to you anxiety is awful. I get anxious and sometimes its as if I could put my brain on a table and just watch it going round and round!. Valerian helped me but check with a GP if you want to try it especially if you are on prescription drugs.I don't know what you think about churches but in some towns there are a new breed of church that offer great support through counselling,social action etc. There are modern churches not like the Church of England or Church of Scotland such as Vineyard or Destiny or they may have other modern names like ??? fellowship or Kings church you know some modern name. Some have CAP debt counselling centres. I'm not telling you to get religious or anything, what you do or don't believe isn't an issue it's just that from experience people in these modern churches have a heart for people and will want to get alongside and help and support in anyway they can offering you friendship too. Give it a try. Google something like new churches in your area and see what,if anything comes up.Hope you feel better soon and I hope 2013 turns out to be a good year for you. x

  • Your perfectly normal bless your heart. I had all the same feelings when my kids were growing up, including problems with the ex. My Mum was not a rock for me so it was me alone. I always worried I was not going to cope but I did and you will. I learnt breathing techniques for the panic attacks but fourn the rest of the books and stuff rubbish and they worried me to as why didn't they help.

    My advise would be to talk to those of us that understand and talk it out of your system and try and believe in yourself. As for being over your Mum no that takes a long time even I took years ans we did not have a good relationship. Be kinder to your self your a nice person and you will cope, we all do. Love yourself hugs Elaine xx

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