Warning-negative post-offloading needed

[Teddysmum43]

Oh I've had a jolly old week,have had a horrid virus thing that has knocked me flat. I'm assuming its down to the stress of the week before last. It's also made me very low in myself which doesn't really take much these days. Coping with that on top of fibro has just not been funny in the slightest. I am sick to death of trying to cope. Oh but you have nooooo choice do you.

My main worry at the moment is working. It's driving me insane trying to think go something to do so I don't have to fight the benefit system. For those of you that don't know I am in the wonderful(believe me it's not) in the position if living off my hard working parents inheritance which is disappearing scarily fast. I've tried various re training efforts only to fail quite spectacularly,I simply am too unwell but that just makes me more angry. I'm so angry I could burst. Yes I do see a counsellor but she can't wave a magic wand can she? Funnily enough she has fibro too so she s able to work so why can't I??? My ex husband works and has a good wage and a good life and I am struggling like crazy to pay for the kids and keep things going,while he is able to work. I am sick of seeing things about scroungeers and that our illness is in our heads,why do we have to fight to prove ourselves? I'm going to give back my mobility car and go back to work I just can't stand this I really can't.

I'm sorry but life is not all roses Infact as far as I can see it stinks,really stinks. I have to partner to rely on and probably never will as I can't trust anyone. What sort of a life is this?

I do apologise to everyone I wish I could be sunny and smiley but I just don't feel like it.

[Hidden]

I can sympathise I have the virus at the moment spent yesterday answering posts in bed.. In between regular trips to the bathroom plus hot and cold spells very flu like... It not easy to cope with fibro and arthritis too ...

I totally understand how low you must be feeling.. I think you are being to hard on yourself like your councellor can't wave a magic wand and make you feel better. Neither can you push yourself to feel better , I've been there done that and had a breakdown .... As your ex husband has a good job I assume he is paying some maintainace for your children. Do you have to give back your mobilty car... If you don't and you can afford the run it I don't see why you would.. You can work and claim DLA so if you are entitled to the car then it would be easier to get to work with it....

I think you may be setting yourself too many goals... If you can't work pushing yourself into the workplace will just cause you more stress and pressure... Why am I saying this , cos I have done it and it wasnt good, in the end we sat down as a family and discussed my life as it had become and I stopped working .. Yes I have an OH but it's meant a drastic change in lifestyle , no car smaller house ... But it gave me my sanity back , my son has never complained about missing out... He sees me at home all the time as a bonus ...

So take a deep breath get yourself over this horrible bug and then see what you CAN do what you WANT to do and then work out a compromise that is the best for you.

You can always come on here and rant , or tell us what decision you have made we will always listen

Hope you feel better soon

VG x

[Daisy101]

I agree with VG... don't be too hard on yourself. I've had to give up work recently... been struggling for years to carry on working but couldn't.

Take it one day at a time and don't make any hasty decisions. Take care x

[ladymoth]

VG's advice is very wise, TM! Wait until you get over this bug and then have a realistic think about what you want to do and what you are able to do - don't burn your bridges until you can look at things calmly.

I do understand how you feel, 'cos I've been there, and I honestly don't know how I coped, but somehow we mothers always do!

Best wishes with your struggle - if we all had enough money to live on, I think we'd all feel much better!

Love from Moffy x

[Teddysmum43]

I've been wracking my brains over what I can do work wise and I know I'm not being realistic. I used to have a florist shop but could never go back to that as its a hard physical job and the stress of running my own business would finish me off proper. I just don't feel I have the luxury of being ill anymore. I've not worked for four years since the fibro hit. I was on benefits to start with then my mum died and I got thrown into living off her money which makes me feel awful tbh. It was suppossed to be for a secure future to buy a house but that's gone out the window. As for my ex husband it goes in waves,he did a lot of bad things to me,he barely pays for the kids food. Sometimes I can tolerate what happened and at other times I can't. I'm no saint and find forgiveness hard even if I know it only hurts me in the long run.

Yes I am hard on myself,very hard because I have had to survive and I won't ever be any different I'm afraid. I'm fed up with being quiet about it all and sitting in the background,I'm fed up being ignored and forgotten about and taken for granted. It actually feels good to talk about this and to be honest about how I'm feeling. I don't like feeling this vulnerable at all.

Just wish I could show this post to the people who do need to see it,to see the reality. But no I will scuttle back into my hole and stay quiet.

[Ginsing in reply to Teddysmum43]

Hi Teddysmum I too used to have a florists very hard work and cold for people like us who above all else need to be warm and dry. I went from florist to a retailer of gifts and fancy goods but after 12 years that had to go my back is disintergrating so here |I am it has taken a while but I am getting used to life at home. What I do are art based stuff and writting I can do that now. Life is not easy for people like us so now is the time to take a breadth and slowly think about where you are going. There is brilliant advice on here and as you read the feeling of being alone disappea\rs we are all batteling along. Take time dont rush dont give up your car to be able to get about is a saving grace. If you can wire and do weddings why not do it from home in your time?

Good luck xgins

[rainbowdancer]

Hi TM some good advice there. You can keep your car like VG said as it is not means tested and you are allowed to have a certain amount of money and still claim! not sure how much!

Why don't you try doing a part time job and claiming top up of some kind..... I think it is 16 hrs or so.

Sending you a rainbow hug to keep you going x (((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Fibrofoggiest]

Hi TM, sorry you are feeling so rough at the moment and I think you've had a lot of really good advice given above, but please do not scuttle back to your hole and stay quiet, you are a lovely person who is having a hard time, and you have come here for us to support you and give advice if we can and everyone of us needs that at times, so please don't beat yourself up any more (((TM)))

Am sending you lots of gentle but big hugs and loads of positive thoughts.

Foggy x

[karma_13]

Hay TM.

I can relate to how your feeling. I was in your position 5yrs ago. I know that seems a long time, but it all goes so quickly when you look back. I went all the way and had a breakdown, I found myself in hospital under section for a few months, but it's what was needed to allow me to make some changes in my life. It's a long road, but you won't always feel this way. Stay strong and get some help. Come out of that cave and tell someone how your feeling. Someone who can help you. (like a Dr)

Hope you feel better soon (((Hugs)))

[Teddysmum43]

Thanks everyone I'm feeling a bit better today. I'm going to find out about the Work Choice programme which supports the disabled and people with health conditions in getting back into work. We have something called The Shaw Trust which is solely geared up for this so I need to get a referral from the job centre,you don't need to be on benefits to do this. I won't give up the car,I was thinking if I go back to work I shouldn't keep the car,silly me. I just need support in doing all this,I don't feel able to do it alone.

Gins that's interesting you used to have a florists too! It is very hard work isn't it? People just don't realise what it's like,they think its a nice little job playing with flowers. There is also not a lot of money in it unless you work in a city. The cold is also a killer,I just cannot cope with it,the weather we are having is just awful. I can't face going out in it at all. Just as well my dogs aren't too bothered about going out.

Thanks for your support guys xxxxx

[Hidden]

Hiya hun

hang in there recognise this for what it is and try to claw your way up one moment at a time do something nice just for you each day it doesnt have to be big even a cheap new lipstick an extra soaking in tub with good music on think a bout things if you must but stop disssecting them

But if you are so far down that you think its too hard then do something for some one else when I am at my worst I try to look at the pain in others and make them smile its wonderful therapy. Blaming yourself is a a thought pattern instilled by previous abuse dont let them win what ever it is remember takes two oeople a receiver and a giver and BOTH are aware it is happening and EITHER ONE can bring a stop to it by being honest just because he said something doesn't make it true you can only feel as hurt as you allow yourself to, I know this sounds harsh but being a victim becomes a part of your make up and letting go is terrifying because of the hole it will leave but hun that hole will be filled with laughter love and support from people even if only on internet at first

Sorry I tend to get carried away

I have never net you but my kove if humanity reaches iutbtonyou and I lovebyou gid doesnt nake junk oetal

[Teddysmum43]

Thanks Petal,did you get your benefit problems sorted in the end?xxx