I've just had a horrible panic attack. Everything just got on top of me at teatime and I burst. My poor kids,feel so bad they saw me like that. I just don't know what to do to make things better. I seem to be so much worse in the evenings. Mind you I have the constant noise of my son on his Xbox,it really really grates on me. I've tried all sorts with him and just now he said he will cut down on using it,it's the constant shouting(they can talk to each other on it for those of you that don't have teenage sons.) but I suppose if it wasn't the Xbox it would be something else. I cried my eyes out at the counsellors today with the constant stress of it. It's also just a few days to the 2nd anniversary of my mum dying. I miss her more than ican cope with. I try so so hard to cope I really do,it just all seems to build up in me. I am suppossed to be taking my son to cadets tonight,I'm so pleased he has got into it as it gets him away from his Xbox but tonight I just cannot face going out in that freezing cold.
I know you guys will say I am being too hard on myself but that is my problem,I am way too hard on myself but I cannot for the life of me work out how to stop it. I really wish I could.
I feel so bad I cannot face the thought of going back to the counselling course. I can't keep going on like this. I tell myself to toughen up,some days it works,some days it doesn't. I'm so frightened I will do something to myself as I just cannot face all this pain.