Had enough

How much pain has a person got to suffer before being taken serious? My partner and I are constantly arguing because he says I don't do enough in the house. My house is clean. When I do things he is usually still in bed and I don't expect praise so I don't tell him what I've done. I can't do the hovering cooking is a struggle he does this and casts it up at every convenience. I got 5 points on my drivers licence in January 2012. I went to see about ordering my new motability car and was told by Royal Sun Alliance my insurance is not valid anymore as the point system has been changed. This was on the 13th December this was a terrible shock to me as my car is my independence. They told me I could have a new car but cant drive it.!!. I am absolutely devastated. My partner doesn't drive and he told me to get over myself, as I can't stop crying. I can't take his selfishness I need to get out. But with no car and he wouldn't pay the mortgage or bills. He told me he wont sell the house (its in joint names). My GP puts me on antidepressants and tells me I have to live with the pain. Well I cant sorry for going on but I don't know what to do and where I can get help. If I stay with him I'll go mad. I also work from home and need my computer.

9 Replies

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  • To sum up my GP fibro is a bitch...his words I can't drive anymore due to meds and arthritis

    I am in constant pain 24 /7 some days not too bad some days like today I am just counting the time between meds. Do you have any family you could live with.. I lived with someone many years ago when I was first diagnosed with fibro before I met my wonderful OH , your partner sounds just like my old partner I just gave up the house it was in joint names he refused to sell .. I took all my stuff and went and lived with family. Yes I lost a lot financially walking away from a house I part owned but for my sanity I gave it up and then found a good fibro GP got my life into some semblance of normality and met my now husband.

    Vgx

  • I am 60 in February I have no one I can live with without giving up my job Esa say I'm fit to work they gave me 6 point for mobility. My partner would just run up debts and bad debt me I won't then be able to get a car. I had planned to leave him but I need a car to do this. My family don't live local.

  • Hi Anneliza

    Firstly, get yourself down to Citizens Advice. Talk it all through with someone who can signpost you to the right advice / help. It may take several appointments to get through it all! You cannot worry about your partners financial liabilities - it will make your health worse - so you have to find a way to avoid the fallout from them! You do NOT need to live with someone who has so little repsect for you, or beleif in you, that they think you should be doing more. Believe me, I KNOW! My soon-to-be-ex husband kept telling me (and everyone else) how supportive he was - but it was only when he felt like it, and only what he thought I needed instead of finding out what would really help! And I put up with a lot of c**p, because I thought it was worth it. Turns out I was mistaken - big time! He's proved himself to be a complete waste of time and space!

    Yes, it's complicated ending a relationship - emotionally, financially, and practically! That's why you need to get proper advice and support.

    Only you know whether you want to live with your partner or on your own. If it's on your own, you CAN do it - I will soon be doing so, and I'm not much younger than you. If it's with him, then you still need to find out how to protect yourself from his financial irresponsibility, and also deal with his selfish attitude.

    I wish you the best of luck with sortiing out your situation, and hope that 2013 turns out to be a good year for you.

    Kaz

    xx

  • Thank you all I will seek advise and find the courage to do what I need to do as my health is going to suffer more if don't get away from this jekle and hide man I live with. Thanks again.

  • Dear Anneliza,

    I am sorry you feel the way you do at the moment and I understand . It can be difficult living with Chronic Illness so my advice would be try and gain as much outside support as you can.

    Maybe find out if there is a support group near you. At the support group you could talk to others living with Fibromyalgia and gain the understanding & empathy you need. In time, you may be able to encourage your partner to join you. Your partner may gain understanding too, as talking to other family members in this the situation may help. It may be he has a lack of understanding or his selfish behaviour may be an usual coping mechanism. Men do the weirdest things in response to stress , sometimes trying to continue as if it isn't happening is what men do.

    Also, if your low mood is having a great impact on your life maybe consider talking to the GP. He / She wlll be able to advice you on the next steps to take, whether it be some form of counselling or treatment with medications. Whilst you are there you can mention the symptoms of Fibromyalgia and ask for help with these too. Have you ever tried using a pain relief cream called Capasacin Cream, I personally found it very helpful.

    Capasacin cream is known to reduce Substance P , a substance which is excitable when you feel pain. Research has shown that people with Fibromyalgia have 3 times the amount of Substance P than healthy people do. I found it very beneficial and thought I would mention it out of interest. Link below

    nhs.uk/medicine-guides/...

    I hope you find some relief and I wish you well.

    We, on the forum are always here to listen if you need too and we will always try to help advise as best we can.

    Best Wishes

    Emma

  • Im right there with you, Ive just posted a blog Return of the prodigal, Right in the middle of poop,

    as long as bank acc is in the black remove your name from the account if he refuses freeze the account. Get as much advice as you can and make yourself put it into action asap, its hard Im just starting the process myself.

    Take care

    SusanX

  • Hi Anneliza

    So sorry to read your post, it is things like this that make me ashamed to be a bloke, and to be a part of these inconsiderate people and sometime the same gender.

    Please follow the advice to go to Citizen advice as they also can refer you to a solicitor who will give free advice (for an hour) and that may be something worth looking into as you may be able to get an injunction against him or something.

    With regard the Sun Alliance and Motorbility and the points on the licence, what good is a car if you cant drive it? what a stupid idea, what do they think?

    As has been said wishing you a better 2013 than 2012 and hope you can reclaim your life.

    Kindest regards

    Terry

  • Thank you everyone for your kind words and advise. I am going to try it all.

    Ann x

  • Good Luck :-). Hope it goes well. More stress will be necessary to get him out of your life, but if well planned the relief will be enourmous, with the rest of your life to live as you wish! XG

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